The journey ahead: all that is new

So since I don't like the "media bombs" people sometimes drop, I thought I would give the world a proper update on me.

Well first things first, lets go back to January. Yikes, I know, January. And not just January, early January. I went to Atlanta with some friends for the Passion conference. It was an incredible weekend, and when I came home my parents informed me that the company my dad worked for was going under. Since my dad found out he began actively working towards a new job. Nothing was panning out the way we thought it should.

The story is full of lots of God ordained, beautiful details. The way that all the pieces fell into place was a work only He could have accomplished. Maybe someday I will get my parents to do a guest post so you can give God the glory He so deserves in all He did for them.

So all of that to say, long story short, after some conversations and a whole lot of prayer, my parents moved forward, and they are opening a gelato and espresso shop.

YIKES. Yay! What? Seriously?!

YES. To all of the above.

My parents are taking a terrifying leap of faith right into the arms of God. I'm proud of them. The timeline is all His, and we don't know when the shop will open, but it will open when God intends it- because nothing has happened unless He has intended for it to. He knows best in all things, the faith this is instilling is vital.

So where does this leave me? Back to January...

My career as a nanny was literally all over the place. I was working for a school teacher as my main job, and doing some part time childcare for some long time family friends. Their situation, however, was changing and they were needing something more consistent. I love the kids, love the parents, love the grandparents- it made sense. So I jumped in with two feet, and by February I had three kids under the age of three; all in (cloth) diapers. Three different schedules, two different families. It was me and three little people that needed me to remember that this one couldn't eat this and that this one has to go down at this time. I had to have this kids on a rigid schedule or something important would be forgotten. (like naps. more than once...) Their diaper changes were scheduled for Pete's sake. To say I was overwhelmed is to put it lightly. I was frazzled, burnt out, stressed out and exhausted. I had Irish triplets and no idea what to do with these three precious babies.

By April I was a literal mess. The Bible study I was "leading" was not getting my best. In fact they were just sort of getting my leftovers. I didn't like to say I was leading, I said I was "facilitating" because leading was too much responsibility. I guess I thought that if I called it something else and didn't put the work in, it would be ok. But it wasn't. By the middle of spring, the study had all but fallen apart. My help around the house was all but nonexistent, and my social life was certainly no better.

It all started adding up, the best way I knew to give something of quality to these other areas of my life was to take the energy from somewhere else. But as I have learned, when you spread yourself too thing, you run out of "you" to spread. When I finally realized that I was no longer giving my best to the babies, that they didn't have my full energy, creativity, and enjoyment, I knew something had to change. I loved them, but in order to survive, I had to have way to much of a schedule. Not that schedules are bad!!! I was just so locked into it, that none of us were enjoying it- me or the babies. So I gulped down the pride, and gave the family my notice. Can we please just get real for a second? This was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Those kids, those precious babies, meant and mean so much to me. My sassy girl and my capuchin monkey man. My kiddos. I loved them. I do love them. Letting them go, however, was the most loving thing I could do for them. They needed to be in their home, on a freer schedule, with someone who had the energy to dedicate to helping grow their creativity and curiosity. They needed something I could not be at this point in my life. So in May, I said good-bye as their nanny and returned to my place as long time family friend and occasional babysitter.

For like, a split second, life chilled out. It was kind of...smooth sailing. I should have known.

I felt like I was doing better with just the one little guy. My baby baby. I've had the kid since he was 2ish months old. He's going to be two soon. Which, isn't a ton of time, ok, I get it. But that's most of his life. I've walked this kid through hours of sleepless naps, argued over quinoa, and cuddled the teething crankies away. I got to help him learn how to walk, speak, learn his shapes and colors. I've been able to teach him signs, Spanish, counting and how to work a crowd (go on, ask him if he pooped his diaper. It's hilarious.)

Needless to say, I had no intention of quitting. I was going to keep my baby, work for my parents over the summer (working for the school teacher came quite handy at times like summer. And holidays.)  and come fall, when I went back full time for them, my parents' shop would be up and running enough, that me being there part time would be enough.

But remember that whole "God is controlling the timeline" thing? Yeah well, if my plan had panned out, my parents would have been open by now and all of ^that would have been fine. But as it is, they aren't even going to be open in the next four weeks. Since this is a "family owned and operated" and everyone else was not able to walk away from what they were doing in life, it was down to me. I was and am the only daughter that will be able to dedicate the kind of time they need.

If we're being totally honest, I knew I didn't want to nanny forever. I did not, however, anticipate leaving it so soon. And yet here I am: walking away from the only career I have ever known. My older sister is sending her baby to kindergarten this year. I would have loved to see my guy that far and then had a parting at such time. But our end came three years sooner.

I'm going to sound super Greek when I say this, but babies are all I have ever known, really. It is the only job I have ever really had.

So, after some prayer and council from my parents, today I took a giant leap of faith. I quit my job, the only job I have ever truly known, and have agreed to work for my parents (as a barista....so. there's that)

YIKES. Yay! What? Seriously?!

Yes. To all of the above.

If you asked me five years ago where I saw myself in five years, I wouldn't have said as a barista in my parents gelato shop. It's not what I imagined for me. To be honest, I've been pretty scared to dream. As totally downer as this sounds, dreams don't seem to pan out too well for me. So I stopped trying to hope for something, and just take each day, each new challenge as it comes. It reminds me of a quote I read, probably on Pinterest, "Maybe the plans God has for me are better than the plans I had for myself." Really it was when I let go, and stopped trying to rip into every door I saw, that the one I'm pretty sure I am supposed to walk through was placed right in front of me. A big neon sign blinking saying, "This is the One". I'm not just stepping into a new job- I am totally switching gears here. I can't wait to be around new people all day. Meeting them and getting to know them. Learning my regulars and learning their stories. I can't wait to be surrounded by the smell of coffee all day. I can't wait to get to be in such a unique and special place with my parents. Working full time, the three of us. I can't wait to see if this is a "reason or a season" (God will use it in my future, or what He will teach me through it...or both.)

I'm terrified, excited, nervous, sad, ready, and totally unprepared all at once. But one thing I guarantee:

I. Can't. Wait.

New happenings

Well hello blog! Whilst I have neglected any personal update, much has happened. I have talked about finally plugging into a church, and what a balm to my soul that has been. Feeling like I'm finally "home" in a sense has been a feeling I never thought I would have.

We have also had a number of exciting additions to the family!




 
 
In May, this little lady was born to my oldest sister! After three boys, having a girl around has been very different already! Its been fun getting to see more and more of her personality and getting to know her sassiness! (Which I like to think I gave her) She is a darling girl and we are so blessed to have her in our family!













We had another very exciting addition just a few weeks after this Miss made her arrival! I shall spur my sister on to a new blog post soon, and I will allow her the details of her beautiful love story, but in the meantime, my sideline view has been a privileged front row seat. At just the right time, the Father saw fit to bring "Mr. Right" into her life. It has been a joy to watch her love and be loved in a right and caring way. He is already such a part of our family, the receiver of many nicknames, and making jokes at my expense! He fits so well, and has been such a blessing to my sister!





The newest member of our family came just two weeks ago today! My second oldest sister welcomed her first son, and we are all SMITTEN! This is the fuzziest, sweetest, chillest little dude I have ever seen! Every time I look at him, I feel like my heart is going to explode. He is precious and perfect in every way. Four nephews and one niece into this family, a new one never ceases to bring so much joy and excitement into our lives! We love him soooo much and are thrilled to have these two babies joining us on the family beach trip coming up! (We're also especially glad, because this guy wasn't due until the 28th!)




That's pretty much the fast track of life since the last personal post! And don't worry, I won't wait this long again! :)

-Mal

 

Changes ahead...

I mentioned some time ago a desire to redesign my blog. Although I am far from "tech savvy" I have begun designing a few things. Stay tuned....

Not So New

Well hello there blogging world. After my last "real" post, I figured it had been a long enough spell of silence and I could venture forth with an update.

Its been just over a month since I have let you peek into the heart of the girl I described as "devastatingly lonely." And since then, much has changed. Much to the extent of feeling overwhelmed at one point.

Very soon after writing that post, things began to happen in my life and in my heart. Not even a week after that post, we went to a church I like to say is our family's church. My grandparents married there, my parents met and married there, and they stayed there until I was 2. (And being the fourth born, that's quite a while.) I think it's really for that reason that my dad was a little hesitant to visit, but alas, visit we did. And then we did again the next week, and the next, and the next. And so forth and so on. Now about a month and a half later, I feel more established here than I have anywhere in the last two years. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

In the middle of our settling into this church, we had our annual homeschool convention. And although I am now two years graduated, and my sister several more, we still enjoy and look forward to volunteering. In previous years I have worked in the children's program and let me tell you- it takes an insane amount of energy, patience, and joy to keep 25 little ones happy and excited for two solid days. But this year, although I enjoyed the fast paced environment of previous years, I had decided to try something new. I'll spare you the details, but I ended up working in the used curriculum sale. Which honestly, sounds wicked boring. But it was not at all. I worked with people I knew, and met others and enjoyed every second. Reconnecting with some of the folks, and making new friends- it was a really amazing weekend. I even got to keep in contact with a few of them thanks to the modern convenience of facebook! :) Although I'm a "newbie" to the established group of volunteers, everyone was very friendly, and I look forward to continue to get to know them in the coming months, and working with them again next summer!

It was just after this that I began to feel overwhelmed in my soul. I was suddenly being plunged into a group of people who remembered my name, and things about me. People I was talking to and seeing throughout the week were greeting me on Sunday mornings. The very things I had longed and prayed for for a few years now, were coming in droves and all I could identify in my heart was an overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness emotion.

Reflecting on all that has happened these last few weeks as I wrote, brought back the wave of overwhelmed thanks I felt not two weeks ago- and I just can't say enough for how thankful I am.

The church is solid, established, growing, and Gospel driven. I could not have picked a better place if I tried. God led us exactly where He needs us for now.

That's really all I have to say- is just that I feel as though I am finally "home" in a sense. Please just continue praying for our family as we settle in and develop relationships and ministries within this body.

~Mal

Comparing Apples to...Androids?

I was the diehard, hardcore, sold out, 100%, never looking in the Apple direction, Android spokesperson fan girl.

See where I'm coming from here? I was never, NEVER, I repeat NEVER going to have an Apple anything. (except for my dearly loved iPod. But that hardly counts, right?)

I hated the dominance Apple had, and the seeming partnership with Google and the understated agenda of: lets get all up in yo business.

Ok so maybe I had a slightly dramatic view. But somewhat justifiable, no? Apple was weird.

Everything Apple "talked" to anything Apple and I hated that. Like hate. With passion. I have a laptop for laptop purposes, and a cell phone for cell phone purposes. Why on EARTH would I need them to be merged in every little detail of everything? When mom's phone rings, so does her computer AND dad's iPad. Its absurd. And I didn't want that. I guess I like my life more compartmentalized than that.

And then it happened. In the midst of my stewing and fuming against Apple, my Android failed me. And then it failed again. And again. And again. And again. And thus I found myself loyal to a failing phone system. Repeat for emphasis: loyal to a FAILING phone system.

As in, tied to the mast of a sinking ship.

Chained to a pillar in a burning building.

LOYAL TO A FAILING PHONE SYSTEM!

Ok so my drama pendulum has the tendency to swing...well dramatically. But here I sat with the dilemma: what I have doesn't work, and what works is what I hate.

What to do? What to do? The answer was obvious to everyone, including me, and I did not want to admit it. So I started saying things like "maybe when we upgrade this fall, I'll give Apple a shot for a few years." And yet, deep down I knew, I would be making the switch almost totally willingly.

It was during this transition that I was home alone and my mother was trying to reach me. In this moment, my phone and I reached our breaking point. My mom was trying desperately to get in contact with me, and my phone threw one of its weird tantrums and I didn't even receive a "missed phone call" notification.

Basically we lived together for the next few days and then I upgraded. Kicked the Galaxy to the curb and got my hands on an.....iPhone5. (Shocker. As if anyone didn't see this one coming.)

I will take my slice of humble pie large with a side of vanilla ice cream please. Because I have loved it. Its been fine. I don't even miss my Android. Is that awful of me? DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES?! And I learned, that all those irritating connections that Apple makes with itself are kind of optional! (Except for the cloud...still figuring this one out!) Yay!

Anyways. I am no officially a Macintosh user and guess what? I can FACETIME!!!

Signed,
~the Apple Newbie

feeling insane

There's a whole lot I have wanted to say, and I quite simply have not had the time to say, well any of it. I had an Easter post stirring in my head, as well as a number of others and I just haven't had the time to sit down and type it up.

I will sincerely hope to post this week, but don't count on it cos, WE'RE MOVING.

Ok so, we're not moving this week, but we are getting the house ready to go on the market. Which means like, all day projects; neck deep in closets, and attics and other many dark and crowded places.

Good thing: We are getting rid of SO MUCH old and useless junk! I know the foundation of this house is very happy to lose a few pounds.

Bad thing: It takes a very. Very. VERY long time to go through each of these dark places. Like. So long. So it's been maybe two weeks of hot and heavy work. And we have yet to do the big attic. Kind of not looking forward to that.

I pretty much hate the whole idea of an attic anyways. Like, "oh here's an idea. Let's make a (common) room in homes, where there is a giant HOLE in the middle of the floor, and anytime people have to use said room, they have to maneuver heavy items without falling into it!" Hm. Let me guess...it started as a practical joke and then became a trend. Like every other horrible idea...

So anyways. Still have the attic and several other projects like ripping up twenty year old carpet and patching up damaged walls. Didn't realize how much you beat up a house till you have to fix it...goodness.

Anyways that's just a glimpse into my life. But its to bed with me cos my allergies decided to absolutely HATE me this year. And I feel pretty horrid right now. My vaporizer is already going (Vics has been a must the past two nights) and my night meds are starting to draw my eyelids down. Lovely.

Happy Easter, and as I learned today, Feliz Pascua! :)

~Mal

my head is spinning

Ugh these posts never go how I plan. I start typing, lose my train of thought, and end up writing all over the place. Basically, life is full of "new" all around me and I love and hate it.

Ok so maybe hate is tad intense. I don't really hate change, in fact I love it. But sometimes, it all comes at the same time, and I don't enjoy each individual change because I'm trying to cope with all of them. I really hope that makes sense.

So fast track update on all things in my life:

I have had this lady since October, and still have her. Its absolutely incredible how much you can love a little person! She is such a joy, and so sweet.

But things really didn't start changing up a whole lot until this past winter.

God has every family on an incredible journey, and ours has taken us a number of places and to be involved in the lives of a number of different people. That said, we all began feeling a stirring and God took our family out of the church we has been at for as long as I could remember. Often the question is "What happened?" But that's just it. Nothing "happened". God grew us there, and then He moved us to grow differently somewhere else. It's been a- well a painful journey. Most of December we kind of visited around. And by January we came across the place we're at now. It's been so good, but it's taken some getting used to. I grew up Southern Baptist, and this church is nondenominational. There's no Sunday school, and we take communion every week, and these are just the obvious differences compared to what I knew. The experience has been eye-opening to say the least, and I'm hoping to get involved soon. See I came from a pretty small church, and this church is almost 6 times as big. Its easy to look around and feel invisible. I've met a few people, but I haven't really made any "friends", if you get me.

So other than church life, I decided to start looking for a second job. I LOVE my Babygirl, but it just isn't enough to be able to save up for a car and such, so I put my name out there a little, and two days later I got a phone call. I chatted things over with this lady and we decided to meet and talk about it. Only for me to find out, that my parents wanted to move!(you weren't expecting that, were you?) So at this point I'm going "Ok God, You give- You take away. Is that how this works?" But my doubting heart was beat into submission of surrender and I just started praying like a warrior.

I met with this family and loved them instantly! They were very sweet and super easy going. I got a call from her on Sunday, saying they want to move ahead with this, and unless we move out of striking distance, I will begin child care for their infant starting in October! Basically, I owed the Father an apology for my doubt.

So there's work, life and church in a nutshell. Just when I think "That's enough big, life impacting events for a while." Another curve ball hits my still-running mouth. I guess I'll stop telling Him what I can and cannot handle, and trust that no matter what I face, He will be there with me through it, looking at me, his faulted daughter, and seeing instead His perfect Son, and loving me through it.

Here comes Mama Bear

No, this is not a post about my mom.

Its not about my sister or any friends who are moms.

In fact, it's not even about a specific mom, or moms in general.

No. This is a post about me.

Me, who is most definitely not a mom.

As an act of love and service the sister I do most everything with; from scrubbing down the kitchen to taking care of babehs to teaching ESL; has left me, FOR TWO WEEKS. I'm very thankful she is where she is, but I am already missing her something fierce.

She has flown south to help out some friends that we call "family." They have three children, and we love the whole family dearly. Just a few short months ago, we got a picture via text letting us know, there was one more coming! (8 years after the youngest!) It was like being told one of my sisters were pregnant! The next nine months were very hard, and her pregnancy was rough and medically dangerous.
Finally, on the 17th, a beautiful little girl arrived! Healthy and whole! However, there were still some complications, as the mom has been hospitalized since with high blood pressure, and the baby in and out with high Bili Reuben levels. Enough was enough. So off she went down to be with them for two weeks. So understand me when I say this: I'm not sad she's there; I'm sad she's not here. Make sense?

Anyways. We pretty much work as a team, her and I. Without her here, I'm doing what we normally do together and then some and it is crazy! Since I could not go and be with the family, I volunteered to take her little boy for the next to weeks, in addition to my baby. And in a single week, we typically deep clean the house, have dinner ready most nights, get laundry done and dishes, and keep our babies clean, happy and fed. I'm finding that it is quite a feat.

She just left yesterday and already I'm counting down the days. And finding myself increasingly grateful for little things. Like only having my baby two days a week, instead of five. Like having my mom home three days a week instead of only two. Like friends who are willing to do stuff at weird hours so I'm not alone when mom and the Little do have to go to work. Like having only one baby in diapers (AH's little guy is newly potty-trained, however this has been quite a funny story for him and I...more to come on that.)

Yesterday, after deep cleaning the stairs, foyer, living room and bathroom; getting all the laundry done, and having the kitchen cleaned(i.e. just the dishes, but hey.) I was feeling preeeeetty awesome. But I got the little Pickle (as I call him, affectionately) up from his nap, and took him potty. Not to be all TMI, but basically, my clean bathroom had to be re-cleaned after a miscommunication between him and I. As he looked at his bull's eye wet spot on the back of his pants and then up at me, I literally sat down on the bathroom floor and just started laughing. What else could I do? There was no point in any other reaction, and it eased him up. We fixed our new found issue and went about our afternoon (only to repeat the incident today, and this time the pants were not there to catch it =/)

But today I had both kiddos. And thank the Lord, my mom as well. Up earlier than normal, working a little harder than normal. And feeling accomplished, but very tired. And the only label I can put on it is: mom. I feel like a mom. Not playing house with a silent, plastic baby doll that never actually needs a clean diaper or food. Yes its only been two days (roughly) but I'm starting to have a new found appreciation for young mamas all over the world. And thank goodness, there is no one coming home that I have to look all nice for, because I'm not sure that will happen so much the next few weeks. I'll get there eventually.

And even though it's been a harder two days than normal, it hasn't deterred me at all. This is what I want. This is what I'm training for. And I guess that's why I'm thankful for these few weeks of "trial run" by myself. I obviously have some work to do, but I am loving every crazy, chaotic moment of it! :)

As I type my little girl is screaming in protest of a nap. This may become the chronicles of a mom in training for the next few weeks but until this....

~the lady with snot on her shirt

All spiffed up!

Due to recent snow days, I have had time to work on my blog! It looks great doesn't it?? But trust me, it didn't get this fabulous because I'm good at blog design; my sister has quite the knack for it and helped design my new blog.

At 19, I wanted something just slightly less juvenile than I had, and I wanted it far from boring. Because I am the adult that lives simply. And by simply I mean I still have fun like a teenager; hence my header "looks 23, acts 17".  Now, by "17" I don't mean flamboyant and boisterous, loud and obnoxious, or flirtations and immature(not that all 17 year olds are this way). I mean simply, in that I don't take life half as seriously as most adults. I pay bills, have a job, and have to deal with contracts with employers, taking care of house and a baby(since I'm a nanny), and maintain my personal life. I don't have it "easy". I have it normal. But its not a drudgery, its an adventure. I had a younger friend encourage me in finding everything I do as an act of worship, and let me tell you, I now look forward to doing the morning dishes.

Sorry for that little bunny trail, and I'll get off my soapbox. AAAAAALLL that to say is, I wanted something that combined my fun-loving nature, and fact of being a young adult. So gone is the pink paisley, and now we have a much simpler, and still quite fun cardboard and arrow themed blog! :)

Hope you all enjoy reading on a much cleaner background!

~M

Feeling Thoughtful

We don't always know where the Father has us going, and sometimes the getting there is rough or confusing, but I would rather be terrified at the center of His will, than stay in the feeling of false comfort in the middle of mine.

This time is a time for discretion, but pray for me as I feel some changes are on the near horizon. As it has been said, "the best is yet to come," so until then, I will continue to live exactly where He has me!

"Every story had to start 'once upon a time' and though you may see a dull 'the end', find the happily ever after.'" Anonymous

A year in Review:

This has been one of those years, where I look back on it, and I have one thought: "I wouldn't trade it, but God, please never give it to me again!"

This year, like any, had its ups and downs. But I feel like these were on the dramatic/big side and thus felt like I've been on a roller coaster for the past 12 months. So hitting the big stuff:

(A snapshot from January)

January: If you recall this post, my year started off kind of rocky. By my own choices I found myself in the slumps by January. People talk about the new year as a "starting over" time, but I had never experienced it quite like this. In addition to starting off a little rocky, it was my final semester of school. I had worried my brain for months about finishing school and finding a job or taking classes and not being sure what was next, so January was bitter sweet. I went on my final youth retreat, and honestly, I don't remember much of it.

February: In February we journeyed to DC for AH's birthday. I enjoy trave

(DC birthday excursion)

ling a lot, so this was my highlight this month! We did a lot of walking around and eating of some amazing food! (Panas was the best for me!)The Little also had a birthday and turned 12, making me feel ancient.

March: Not a whole lot happened in March, except for the only "big" snow, EP's first anniversary and my oldest nephew's fourth birthday.

However, April began the busy season for me, and I feel like maybe that hasn't stopp

(Me and the birthday boy from March)

ed yet! My third nephew made his grand entrance into the world! How much love you can have for such a little person never ceases to amaze me! Also, I got the privilege of traveling to Philadelphia with the student pastor, his wife and one other student who just happens to be a good pal of mine. It was a unique experience to say the least. We kind of went as a "prep" trip for the missions trip that we took in June. We got to meet the pastor we'd be working with and see the church and area ahead of time, as well as tour the area we'd be staying in. The student pastor and his wife are from the area so they took us around to some of their favorite places, and it was fun seeing a local's point of view without a large group to tote around. I enjoyed the quality time with just a few others.

(Graduation with Ginger)

May: This was when things really started getting busy for me! I graduated in May! (Along side one of my dear friends! Which was such a blessing, since neither of us wanted to have the spotlight all to ourselves, and we had talked about this for years, both being homeschooled! :) After graduation, I spent a week back in DC with my sister's family. It was nice to get away from the norm and spend the extra time with her and my nephews! Only a few days later, I went to the beach with some friends. It's been kind of a tradition in my church for the juniors and seniors to get away for a few days towards the end of the school year. So off we went. I was a lobster. On a more solemn note, we lost a nephew to heaven this month. All that love you build up for a person and not meeting them. The suspense of waiting for Heaven to hold the little one is hard. It was not a fun or easy thing to pack on to such a busy time already. Although the season may have been busy, my Angel nephew is not forgotten and little Enoch Barnett, my other nephews and brothers are all waiting for us.

(Philadelphia skyline)

(Quince Princess)

In June I went back to Philadelphia for the missions trip and honestly, I love this city so much! In this month was one of the coolest and most special things I've ever done. Both DC and Philadelphia are special to me, for different reasons. The earlier part of June held a different, cool and amazing experience for me. One of my dear friends celebrated her 15th birthday. Although she was born here, she is El Salvadorean and had a traditional quinceañera. She had a big princess dress and a few of the traditional tokens or ceremonies of a quince. However, since she is a believer, she chose not to do a lot of them; she just chose a few that were special to her, instead of the extensive ceremony. We also have a large homeschool convention that we attend every June and the past several years I've volunteered in the children's program. It's about 22 hours of volunteer service, all said and done. And I love it! This past year especially I got to know a handful of girls that I've kept in fairly good contact with (facebook is good for this, as well as instagram).

(4th of July with the sisters)

By July I was somewhat worn out from a whirlwind two months that proceeded it. I was thankful for what felt like at the time, a dramatic halt in life. We had our one or two fourth of July celebrations and celebrated my nephew's second birthday. Other than that July was slower-paced for the most part.

August was much fuller. I went roller skating for the first time in YEARS! It was an absolute blast! I also sang with the Spanish church for a community event, finished my time with my youth group, went on a weekend conference with AH and spent a weekend at a friend's house with a few other girls. The five of us are pretty good friends, and all homeschooled. We range in ages from 15 to 19 and enjoy being together. My grandfather got really sick, and we stepped up our involvement with them. In pleasant weather, I go over once every other week and mow for them and my cousin cleans indoors.

(sibling picture from the beach, 2013)

The end of August/beginning of September came biting with a brain tumor. A unpleasant experience to the max. God's hand was seen all throughout it, though, and even still we can see how He worked; at the time it was little things, and looking back, bigger things. God has chosen to heal J this side of heaven and for that we are SO thankful! (You can read J's journey here) He is now undergoing radiation treatments and is halfway done! The hope is that the radiation kills off anything that was leftover after his second surgery and he will be officially cancer free. Keep praying for the Father to be glorified! Along with this, my family's yearly vacation had been planned for just days after his first surgery, and since there was a lot invested in the trip and enough people at home to take care of him, we went ahead and went. It was nice to be away for a while. When we got home we jumped in with two feet. Life was crazy, far from normal, and working forward with incredible speeds. The Little started 7th grade, and AH began homeschooling Yenny (who's quince we celebrated). "Madhouse" doesn't even begin to describe life at this point!

(My birthday dessert)

(Yenny, the Little and I "planning" fundraising)

In addition to being here for school, Yenny and I felt very burdened to help raise some funds for J. So when October rolled around we had our first two fundraisers! The first one we had nothing to do with, save Yenny singing. We held a benefit concert and raised far more than any of us had expected. A few short, crazy weeks later we had event #2 and held a dinner. (Too many people trying to plan! :) Oh well, both were blessed events!) In the weeks in between the two, Yenny and I (along with LOADS of help from other adults) spent a lot of time seeking donations from local businesses and even some bigger stores like Kroger) also, my family went apple picking and spent a day in the mountains. This was very nice and felt a bit like the calm before the storm! I also began nannying! Crazy month! But all too quickly, October drew to a close and I celebrated my 19th birthday! My sister made me lomo saltado (a Peruvian dish) and my mom made me these tasty little raspberry chocolate tarts. DELICIOUS.

(Gettysburg with the fam)

November rolled around and it was a bit of "big event let down". All of the sudden everything I had spent my whole month pouring into was over. I got to go to a Chris Tomlin concert with my oldest sister, her husband and their oldest. It was a blast! Later on we traveled to Pennsylvania for a weekend in Gettysburg and I got some bangs to change up my look a littl
e. Towards the end of the month things got a little busy again with Thanksgiving, Black Friday (an actual event in my house), and a surprise birthday party for my oldest sister. This was one of the best/coolest Thanksgivings ever! I loved every second of the weekend!

(FINALLY!)

Although December is a fairly busy season, I didn't go to any Christmas parties or events this year. Even though I always look forward to it, I was thankful for my evenings to be mostly at home. I enjoyed family time in the Bible leading up to the birth of Christ, and making an ornament for different key events along the way. I did, however, get to meet up with a friend that I have been talking to via social media for over two years. She's moved closer to me, and so we've already enjoyed a closer-distance friendship!

That brings me up
to this week. We spent Christmas morning here at home with just us five. We were then joined by EP and MrP. And a little later on for brunch by my mom's family. In the afternoon we had Christmas with Dad's side of the family and then we left Thursday morning to spend the weekend with Meg and her family. It was nice, overall, even if somewhat chaotic.

To look back on the year is both good and odd to me. I started this post, almost with a "WOE is me" attitude, thinking "Oh SO much has happened!" And a lot has, but not nearly as much as I thought had. It feels like a lot, and of course there are things I chose not to make public that will stay in my heart to ponder. However overall, God was with me through all the ups, downs, ins and outs of my year, and for it I now look at the year and can say "Its ok." Am I making any sense??? :)

Merry Christmas from the Sibs at National Harbor!

God has brought me a loooong way since last December, and for that I am most thankful. I'll just briefly say a few things He's taught me:

~To trust Him, and His unfailing will. No matter what circumstances I face.
~We often see our circumstances with a very distorted view of flawed human analysis, seeing things as far worse than they really are.
~God has my parents as my parents for my benefit, and to talk to them is a greater blessing than I had ever imagined possible before this year.
~The Father works ALL things together for the good of those who LOVE Him!

May each of you have a blessed NEW YEAR with all things bright and new!

Blessings to each of you!

~Mal

19 reasons why I am not taken seriously

A few weeks ago, I celebrated my 19th birthday! Hooprah! However, I feel that even a year after entering adulthood, I am yet to be taken seriously. After a self examination, I've come up with 19 reasons why. This is primarily for laughs, but here goes!

1. For the most part, I tend to get along with people younger than me better than people my age. Some of my close friends ranking in at 2 &1/2 and 3 1/2 years younger than me. This said, I guess people look at me an still see a 16/17 year old. Oh well! :)
2. I still don't have my license! After about a year of complete and total fear of driving, when I finally decided I was ready, it was a combination of leftover fear and procrastination that has drawn the process out over about two years now. Hopefully by January I will have my license! We'll see how I feel about that when the time comes! 
3. I cannot wait for my 21 birthday. And no, not for cultural-norm reasons. Every seven years, your taste-buds change, right? So when I turn 21, they will change for the third time in my life! Who knows; maybe I'll finally like sauerkraut??
4. I don't have a "real" job. I work at home as a nanny, and have been told often that I need a "real" job not at home. I wonder if people realize how much I love my job? 
5. I love romance novels. These are my guilty pleasure. And as long as its a trusted Cristian author, I'm grabbing and devouring it's pages. Some people see this as a childish pastime?
6. In addition to novels, I collect name books. I find them fascinating, and name history/origin are fun to study to me. Apparently this is just a stupid pastime, but hey, as a hobby-author, they come quite handy! 
7. I am a total goof. I make the most ridiculous faces in pictures, I'm loud in public, and I don't have loads of street-smarts. (Street-smarts being socially normal things. Educated? Yes. Up-to-date on lingo? Absolutely not.) 
8. I only paint the nails on my left hand. I have still yet to master painting with my non-dominate hand, so my right hand stays bare unless someone is able to help me.
9. I still have most of the Beanie Babies my grandmother has gotten for me of the course of the 19 years I've roamed this planet. 
10. I still wear my retainer. Apparently uncool?
11. I still rock my sneakers on a regular basis. 
12. I have a nintindo64 in my room, and yes I still play my Super Mario frequently. Princess Peach and all. I promise, its still quite entertaining. 
13. I like change(my room arrangement, my hair colour, etc.), which I'm told is "indication that I have no idea what I want in life." ...ok? 
14. I'm addicted to those little squares of caramel that come individually wrapped in clear plastic, and now keep a hefty stock of them in my purse. Not socially acceptable for someone of my age to want candy? Oops.
15. I can be terribly indecisive, but usually about food or where to go to shop or "hang out". (I would rather just stay at someone's house than go somewhere anyways.) 
16. I still very much so enjoy sleepovers with my friends. I don't mind them one bit and was told I would outgrow them by now. OHHHH WELLLLLL.
17. I have a slight obsession with the colour pink. I love pink a lot. (Although much to my surprise, I selected a purple bedspread, and I quite like it!)
18. I still really enjoy sleeping in. And although it's quite lazy of me, I do when I get the chance (pretty much, Saturdays.) This is apparently supposed to end when you hit adulthood.
19. And not particularly last and not least, but lastly, I love my childhood stuffed animals and blankets to date. Although I no longer sleep with them, they have never been packed up, nor do I intend for them to be. 

Hope you got a good chuckle at my shamelessly "childish" ways! :) I had fun coming up with them! 

Halloween: Jesus and Jeans Part One

(Maybe I'm a liiiiiittle behind on my posts....)

I'm not a confrontational person, but I do have opinions. During this season, I have a few strong ones. (This season being fall.) Why fall? Well, fall for the vastly celebrated: Halloween; and fall for the call for fall fashion.

This post will probably need to be divided, since both may get lengthy on their own; however I shall keep my catchy title for this one. But here goes!

Jesus & Jeans: Part 1

Christians everywhere are gearing up. But there's two different things that we seem to be "gearing up" for. One group is looking forward to, and preparing for Thanksgiving. Phone calls, menu ideas, meals plans, family travel, etc. all seem to be swirling about as the biggest meal of the year is in full swing. I know my family has already begun the exhilarating bustle of preparing for it :) The holiday of gratefulness is one of my favorites (not that I don't try to be grateful year-round, but the season is just one of my favorites, truly.)

There is another thing Christians seem to be getting ready for. My whole life I've been raised to believe not to participate in Halloween, but why? There comes a time, when a person has to decide for themselves what they believe, if they believe what they were raised to, and why they believe what they do. I was blessed with parents who are gave me an incredible foundation. They have raised me to be Bible believing. (And no, I do not question this. I was shown early on how dangerous that can be, and have accepted His infallible Word as, well, infallible.)

As previously stated, I was raised not doing the whole Halloween thing, but as I got older, I noted a number of Christians in my life who did. What does that do to a child? Conflicts them. Not being a thrill seeker of that sort, however, I was content to continue not participating in it. My childhood felt plenty complete without it, and I never felt the need to ask mom and dad if we could "do Halloween". However as I continued to grow, I wanted to know somethings: Why didn't we participate? And why did other Christians think it was ok? Instead of giving you the answers I was given over the years (although all good, and Biblical) instead, I want to share with you some of my personal revelation in the area of Halloween.

Now, please note, I said "personal revelation" on purpose. This is what I feel God has called me to. If you celebrate Halloween, all out costumes, candy, the whole sha-bang, or hide in your basement completely cut off from the world for the night, please don't feel judged. I'm not judging you. This is simply what I believe.

My realization of Halloween, and all it entails actually came on when Halloween was far from my mind. I don't remember the date or the season, but I do know that I was young, and it was not even fall time. I was reading about when Saul called on the medium to wake Samuel. (1 Samuel 28-an interesting read if you want to see a king disobey himself.) Although this sounds weird, don't think I'm into things I shouldn't be, however reading this sparked my interest in the Bible and sorcery. I wanted to know what the Bible said about it, since at even so young I saw it permeating so much of my culture. Movies and books seemed to have and promote wizardry and witches as good things, and after reading this section of God's word, I wanted to know how He felt about it. I haven't done any deep research on it, I don't know the Greek origins of words or terms, and I haven't consulted scholars. But I know how to read the Word at face value, and so I did. Now this was so long ago, (um...yeah..am I allowed to say that at 19?) that I did just a "refresh" on my search, and this is what I found:

Deuteronomy 18:9-13:

 "When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you. You must be blameless before the Lord your God." (all emphasis added above is mine) 

These verses are unarguable; God HATES those things. A second warning I found was in verses 19-21 of Galatians 5:

  "The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God." (emphasis mine)

Yet I see people, engaging in activity that not only accepts these things, but glorifies them. Media is a different post all together, but to Halloween specifically I have heard so many viewpoints. Everything from "its an opportunity to show Christ to all the people that come to your door!" to "hide in the basement" type articles. I believe, that to every extreme, there is a middle ground. The problem is, what is that? Because lets face it, Halloween exists, people celebrate it, and it is largely apart of our culture every October. We cannot pretend that something that is apart of our world, isn't apart of our world. That would be foolish. And we are told to be IN the world; and warned not to be OF it. God tells us not to conform to the world (Romans 12:2). Conform means that it looks like something. So if God is so blatant against these things, why are we ok with making an exception for something so evil one day a year? I don't use evil lightly, I really believe that God considers these things evil.

I think it's best to not participate at all. No trick-or-treating, no passing out candy with Gospel tracks that the kids won't read anyways. And certainly no messing in the wickedness that prevails on this night every year. I tend to humanize God, and although I probably shouldn't, I think if He had human emotions, this night is when He gets a knot in his stomach. Secret, evil practices that go on all year are given a place in the public eye. WHY would we be ok with this? There's a lot that goes on in our culture that not everyone participates in. And I think that this should be one that Christians sit out on. Yes, it happens. But we don't participate. "Harvest" festivals where candy is rewarded to children who wear cute ladybug and Superman costumes looks no different that what everyone else is doing. I think
it's time the church revisits Halloween. And decide how we handle it. Because doing it like the world, should not be it. 

Introducing....

My princess!

As I may or may not have previously said (I honestly can't quite remember) I began taking care of a baby girl three afternoons a week. She's absolutely precious and has stolen not only my heart, but my entire family's as well! She tends to be quite the center of attention when she's here, and everyone wants to get their hands on her and get those sweet baby kisses!

So I am very excited to introduce you all to my sweet baby girl!!

She's a very tiny baby, and frequently asked if she's a preemie (she's not), so it's fun and different having such a small one around! She's recently started smiling, and every time she does it melts my heart! She's such a sweetie!

She was moving all around, so it's a little blurry, but here she's got a little smile on her face!

Pray for me as I embark on the journey of childcare. She's a very easy baby, but I want to do the best job possible, and give her an extension of the Father's unconditional love!

Training

While most other 18 or so year olds are in school, gaining all that book knowledge, I too am working like a mad woman on my "studies". I don't have midterms, or fall breaks, but I do have to work hard at it. It's somewhat rewarding at the end of the day to feel tired, and know things got done. And it's been fun developing and falling into a routine. I was thinking today as I was bustling around about that idea; study and work. I feel like I'm in an incredible opportunity. My mom works two days a week, and is still a homeschool momma, my other sister nannys and is very active in helping take care of things with J and medical stuff, and homeschools someone else right now. By default (and I happen to believe, by God's great design) it means I get to play mommy! (Because in addition to housework, I get to nanny a beautiful little girl three days a week). I get to clean, cook, do laundry, dishes, and tidy up. These are things that are often viewed as monotonous chores, and on some given days, I too feel that they carry some sense of drudgery. However for the most part, I do enjoy working around the house. And when I finish my work, I enjoy writing (sometimes on the blog:)) or creating something in the kitchen. I am enjoying finding His joy on the journey and seeing where He has me. Some days, I wish it was different, but other days, I wouldn't change one thing about how life is going.

In addition to being a home-maker in the making, I'm deeply involved in fundraising for J. My friend and I had our first event on Saturday (pictures and post to come!) and we were so blessed at the response! Both from our church family, and the community around us that came out to either serve or support. Although the day of the event presented its troubling pressures, we worked through them, and the dinner itself turned out wonderful! By the end of it, we looked at each other, at the success God gave to our cause, and said "we can do this again!" (honestly, God totally blessed this thing! Can't wait to share all about it!) The night before the event, M and I looked at each other and we agreed on this point: we felt very good. We felt like we weren't just living for us anymore, we had something bigger we were doing that was beyond just us and our circle. Its incredible to me how when you're no longer looking to receive, giving is so much more rewarding.

I'm learning so much, and loving every second of it! :) Keep praying for my learning heart!

(Untitled Post)

It's one of those "nothing I have to say is remotely related to anything else I have to say, and thus I have no creative title to encompass it all" posts.

This past weekend, one of my best friends decided to take me out for my birthday and it was a great start to celebrating my birthday! (any reason to celebrate, right?) She took me to get my very first pedicure! (FELT WONDERFUL!) And then we tried on horrible looking formal dresses for the fun of it and then walked down to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory! It was absolutely delicious! Then we went to a friend's birthday celebration for just a little bit, and then went back to her house to watch the movie I got her older brother for his birthday last month! It was a great afternoon, and we really enjoyed just catching up! With my life, that hasn't happened much right now!

This week is major crunch time for me! We had out first official fundraiser on the 5th of this month, but this coming Saturday is the first one that M and I have planned. We're a combination of nervous and excited! We've had a lot of help from some ladies in our lives, and for them we are sooo very thankful and wouldn't be able to do any of this without them! (my very own AH being one of them!)

We decided early on, that since this fundraiser was coming from a Latino community that we should do some traditional food. Her mamma, being from El Salvador, and also being the one who was cooking picked our food. It's awesome having women so willing to help us! We began searching for some donations from different stores. After asking some local Latino markets, we were donated over 45lbs of JASMINE rice, 40lbs of chicken and money enough to purchase the rest of the food! God has met every need we have had, and gone over and above our wildest dreams and prayers! M and I are completely floored. Even when we have despaired about different things, someone steps up and helps us out, and we are so grateful. We see the Father's hand heavy upon this event and cannot wait to see how He works on Saturday!

In other news, I got a part-time nannying job! She's a beautiful little nine week old beauty! She has my whole family wrapped and I love it! She's a very good baby, and even when she isn't feeling well isn't ugly about it, but just pathetic, which makes those cuddles extra special. She had her shots today, and was not a very happy little lady, and still was sweet. This job is perfect for this season in my life, because I get to stay at home, and it's only three afternoons a week. So I am able to be apart of this family and an active member of what is going on. (Also super helpful for all the planning I've been doing for fundraising!)

My life is pretty much consumed with these things, and we'll see what else God has in store. I've enjoyed serving the body of Christ this way, and wouldn't trade on second of crazy for anything!

Look for pictures soon! :) (And a finished blog!)

Waiting for all the Isaacs

Back in the summer, my sister and I got to attend an Eric and Leslie Ludy simulcast conference. I really enjoyed most of what I heard, and you know how there's that one thing that seems to stick with you? Well Leslie said something that has just stuck.

She used the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar (and eventually Ishmael and Isaac). She equated Abraham to us, and Sarah and Hagar as choices to our goal (Ishmael and Isaac).

As the story goes, God has promised a child to Abraham. This is God's PROMISE. And He never backs down on those. This child, however, did not come in Abraham's timing. And his aging wife's hope was beginning to wane. But never fear! The faulted, sinful, flawed, human woman has an idea! Instead of waiting for God's timing, she suggest to her husband that he just marry her maidservant (Hagar) and try for that promised child that way. It would be a child, and God had promised one, so surely it was ok. It wasn't happening with Sarah, so why not?

Abraham is now onto in a second marriage, and BAM! Hagar gets pregnant. *9 months later* ITS A BOY! But not all is good. Listen to what God says to Hagar when she gets pregnant:

“Behold, you are with child,
And you shall bear a son.
You shall call his name Ishmael,
Because the Lord has heard your affliction. 

 He shall be a wild man;
His hand shall be against every man,
And every man’s hand against him.
And he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren.”

 Yay, Abraham had his boy now! As the boy (Ishmael) grew, Sarah's resentment did as well. And as predicted, Ishmael would eventually become a very violent, hated guy.

God, being the faithful loving God that He is, comes back to Abraham 13 years later, and again reminds Abraham of His promise to him. Sarah, his now old wife, laughed. Thus her son was named Isaac (because it means laughter, which to me is God's way of reminding us that He does in fact have a sense of humor).

Again, we wait *9 months* and HERE HE IS! Abraham's second boy! Isaac, the promised child. The one whom God was blessing from the beginning. Little did Abraham know so very long ago, that on one knee sat a nation of hostility that to this day is causing devastating problems with the nation that sat on his other knee.

God had a promise. Abraham had a way. He chose another way, and he got an Ishmael. And God, still had his Isaac waiting for just the right time.

Leslie used this in relation to relationships, saying that often girls deceive themselves into thinking that what the have (or what is obtainable at that time) is the best they'll ever get. But the truth of the matter is, when we pine after these less than respectable avenues, we are pursuing Hagar, and we end up with Ishmael. Dear girls! Hold on! God has Sarah waiting for you to chase after her (Sarah simply being His will.) And Sarah brings Isaac, and Isaac is God's best for you. It is His promise to you.

She used it speaking about relationships, yes, but it can apply easily to so many things in life. Jobs, churches, friends, and yes, relationships.

How often do we chose Hagar and end up with Ishmaels when God wants us to pursue Sarah and have our Isaac? Where are we settling where God wants to give us better, because what we have is not what is best?

Coming next..."Surrendering all to the Father of all Good things"

Rambles from a selfish girl

As my crazy life continues to swirl on around me, I'm finding something more and more true: "mine" just can't be a word Christians use. It simply cannot. "My" room has become "our" room. "My" food is "our" food. It's a "mi casa, su casa" sort of mindset. Recently, in addition to the other things listed, "my" clothes, time, energy, resources, entertainment, money, and even "my" family have become shared things, and PLEASE don't assume from this that I mind, because I promise you, I do not mind in the least. But God has slowly been teaching me that all the things I've grown up claiming as "mine" are in fact, not mine.

I guess He's been bringing me to this place of revelation for several months now. It started back in April when my sister and her husband moved in with us. I had thoughts like "aw yeah..that's what a family is supposed to do." And being thankful that we were in a place to house them. I've watched as my parents have freely given of what they have to their growing household, and withholding no good thing from us as far as they have been able. It has been sweet to see how willing my parents are to just give, give, give.

As the summer went on, not much changed. My parents have continued to make a two-hour drive(one way) to my other sister's house; to visit, for parties, to babysit. Doesn't matter. If there's a need (and often even just a desire.) my parents are there. As the fall began, my paternal grandfather began ailing. My parents were right on it. I've been over there a few times to mow, and then play a round of Scrabble with my grandma. My parents have decided to be active in their lives as we help my grandma take care of my grandpa.

As you know, we were hit again as a dear friend was struck with cancerous brain tumor. I assure you, this is not a fun road to walk. But again, I watched as my family, and the family of Jesus Christ came together, and no one used the word "mine". (Not that anyone would've had a reason to, just be poetic with me.) People were hosting out-of-town family, others were preparing food and bringing it to the hospital, and others were taking care of things to make it available for the needed parties to be at the hospital with J. No one complained, no one questioned it. We all just did what felt natural in the moment of adrenaline to be wherever any of us were needed.

During the midst of all of the above, my sister agreed to homeschool one of my friends. (Pictured in my last post as my "part-time" roommate.) WHICH IS GREAT, don't misunderstand me! It's like we got another sister! She's so much fun to have around. But age and spacing worked it so that she lives in my room. (Yes, I just said live. She jokes about this being her part-time home) Her and I share my double bed, in my relatively large bedroom and I wouldn't trade a moment of it. On more than on occasion we've swapped clothes, make-up or jewelry.

But I sat in my room after she left last week and just looked around. My room was PACKED. Two portable cribs remained assembled from when my nephews last used them, books, papers, CD's/DVD's, pictures, clothes, craft items and etc. littered my room. My desk, TV table, book shelf and dresser were covered in trinkets and stray earrings. Clothes from my partially unpacked suitcase, combined with several rounds of clean laundry sat piled high in one corner and my bed, sat over novels, notebooks/journals, and personal items. The contents of my walk-in closet were spilling over with untouched novels and sweaters waiting to be worn. I don't mean to be so detailed here, so if I'm killin' ya, I apologize. The point I am trying to convey, is that I sat looking at all this..stuff. All of it "mine" and none of it used. (Ok...not NONE of it. I do use a lot, but hardly most of the stuff in my room.) This idea of "none of it's mine" donned on me as I sat there. Why do I need all of this stuff, that I don't use, that isn't even mine? So I set out at the beginning of this week to eliminate all of that junk from my room. Removing a fair amount of nicknacks I don't need or do not use. (Next week my clothes will be shrunk down to size!) I have been learning what it means to give of what I have, so how hard is it to give of what I do not need and yet have in abundance? I assure you...it's not all that challenging at all. Toss, toss, toss! Hopefully now my room will be empty enough to minister from freely without the amount of junk suffocating!

All that to say is...I believe (or have come to) that "mine" and Christ cannot coexist. It's either mine or His, but it cannot be both.

My Warrior

Dear Newest Nephew,

You were born  on Monday afternoon, and you already have me so in love.

I had forgotten how tiny a person could be, until I got to hold you. Even with your two brothers before you, I had forgotten how little a person could do. I didn't remember being able to hold a whole person in the crook of my arm. Yet there you were, real as I was, in my arm.

You made me believe in a bigger love, all over again. I love so many people a whole, whole lot; but the love didn't run out, it grew. There's plenty of love for you in my heart, little mister!

 You've already proved to be a fighter. My little hero. As your mommy got ready to bring you into the world, you weren't moving around much, and I began to pray for you; a lot. When you were born, they found a knot in the cord that was bringing you oxygen and nutrients. That same cord that was keeping you alive, was also around your neck. GOD was with you and your mommy, baby. You are a healthy baby boy!

I got to hold you again today. Your tiny face wrinkled like a little man having a deep thought. Your nose crinkled like you smelled something stinky, and your little eyes peeked open at me.You sleepily settled into my arm and continued your blissful, innocent slumber.

Innocent. You are the picture of innocent right now. You know nothing. You have everything in front of you to learn. You have two amazing parents, and two big brothers, four loving grandparents, and loads and loads of adoring aunties and uncles to help teach you. There's so much we can't wait to show you!

You have a good life in front of you, my little Warrior. Continue to stay strong. And always remember my love, that it's by God's hand we win wars. <3

~Love,
"Yonnie"

Is He really my EVERYTHING?

Sorry for the silence on here; it's been busy busy for me!

This is a bit of a humbling post for me. A hard pill to swallow.

My sister is highly involved in a Spanish church, and I've loved getting to be involved a little. I was invited to the their youth group when they started it, and got to continue to build the relationships I had formed there. The group has become very special to me, and I am so thankful for them!

Our group was invited to a Brazilian church for this coming week, and they asked us to do some worship songs and dramas. So we decided on the semi-well known "Everything" drama by Lifehouse. I was so excited, because this is a personal favorite!



We began practicing, and I was put in the roll of the main girl. Now, understand, this is a whole lot more physically draining than it looks! The part where she's striving for her everything to get back to Christ is very difficult. And when doing it, it is very, very hard to keep a blank expression. And that's just for the acting. In my subconscious, I said to myself "is He really all I want?"

A few weeks have passed, and every time we practiced, the question lingered in the back of my mind. Fighting physical representations of things between people and Christ, I kept asking myself "is He really all I need?"

The things that come between people and Christ are different for every person. But every person faces times when they realize, that something is between them. Something keeps us from allowing Him to be our EVERYTHING.

I'm all for being humble, but I also think it's best to keep it simple.

Before this drama was ever even planned, I realized, something quite large had become between me and my Creator. Something else had become part of my everything, which meant, in my eyes, Christ no longer was enough. There was something else that looked better. That looked more fulfilling. That looked like enough for me. I had let something come between me and God, and suddenly, I was no longer where I should be. One thing that seemed so little at the time, was making a bigger change than I had anticipated. It was already effecting things I didn't even think about.

It was participating in this skit, being in that position that helped me realize what had happened. I really fully believe that. It was subtle; I had slowly been swayed. I didn't realize what had happened until it was out of my control.

The realization, plus some highly providential conversations with my sister and mom brought me to a place of brokenness. A place where it was time to face a decision: an unfulfilling substitute, or Christ Himself. I now realized that something had come between me and Him, and that I had to take action.

I've never in my life been more wrong in a situation. Whats worse than this coming between me and my Father, is I never clued my parents in. But now I found myself in a completely helpless situation. The only place left for me to go was up. After telling my parents, I began to feel the struggle more deeply than ever before. I want to choose Christ. But now I am battling with what had come between us. Fighting daily against this thing. Trying to clean up the mess I'd made. Apologizing, earning trust back, and learning how to make my heart fully His; hiding it deeper and deeper into Him. God has given me two parents who so deeply love the Father that all they want to do is help me accomplish this.

In the last few days, I've experienced an unconditional love I cannot even describe. Feeling so guilty, I've been punishing myself, thinking my parents would withdraw much from me. But they in fact have withheld nothing. Their love for me goes beyond my mistakes. My mom has worked things out for me to be able to do somethings, and I feel so undeserving of her hard work. But her love for me (And my dad's of course) is bigger than my flaws.

I'm learning so much. I feel like a dry sponge soaking up everything God brings my way. I'm slowly learning to accept the forgiveness I've been extended, and learning to relish in the Joy that God gives to be my strength.

Although I'm choosing not to be too specific, I want to share what I have learned.

I have learned first to be more aware of things that don't line up with the authority God has placed over me; both in His Word, and through my parents. That was where I first went wrong.

Secondly I've learned that once I find something that isn't lining up, I have parents for a reason. And they can help me take care of a situation better than I ever could on my own.

Third, I have learned what it truly means to be deceived. By both something, and myself. I made the comment to my mom the other day, I said "I told myself that I never lied to you, which is true, I never told you a falsehood. But I never 'mentioned' the truth either." And that's where I had deceived myself. I thought since I wasn't lying, I wasn't wrong. But that was the biggest lie I fed myself. I should have been more truthful with myself, and perhaps I would have been more truthful with my parents. But God works ALL things, even our mistakes, to our good, and if none of this had happened, I don't know I would have learned these things.

The fourth (And one of the biggest) thing(s) I learned was this: Love and forgiveness. See, I realized about two months ago just how wrong my choices were. But I was so ashamed, that I kept it to myself, hoping I could fix it. Of course I could not, and so I came to my parents. For obvious reasons, they were very unhappy. My parents have never given me a reason to believe they would respond in an unruly manner, but I thought this was the last straw. The one that would cost me the most. However my parents were calm, cool, and collected. They never showed any anger they may have been feeling at the moment, and have continued to demonstrate gentleness. After they extended their forgiveness, I still felt unworthy of it. And as I mentioned earlier, I was punishing myself. But my parents are loving me through it, with a gentle kind of love. The love that is saying, enough is enough, and that is helping me weed out the things in my life that may be causing me to stumble, or may be providing ways to be tempted. The love that says "let us keep you accountable" But it goes beyond that. I think my parents have every right to strip away my social life, every out-of-the-home activity, and anything that would provide an outside influence. But they're not. My mom (as I stated earlier) went out of her way to change some plans so I could go to a concert with my sister, and rearranged some things for two babysitting jobs. Now, I'm not saying that I messed up and they're giving me a free pass; that's not it at all. They're still being parents. And I think pretty amazing ones. They're helping me make wiser choices on what things I should be apart of right now. They're helping me learn how to respond in situations so the honour of Christ is upheld, no matter where I am or who I'm with. They're teaching me how to stay submissive to my dad even when he's not around. They're holding me accountable to what goes on in my life, so that it all lines up with God's word. They're helping me and encouraging me to solidify my beliefs and convictions, so that when I take action, no one can mistake what I believe.

I do not wish these things on anybody. It's not fun.But if anyone ever had to, I wish they had parents like mine. Makes it a whole lot easier to accept discipline.

The last big thing I learned, is I haven't been living my life as if Christ is my everything. How timely. I'm making the choice daily now to strive for Him with everything in my being. These things of the world are passing. They do not fulfill for long. And they cause such hurt to what matters most. On Friday night, I know I can portray a girl who is striving for Christ. My heart is no longer cluttered with dishonest secrets. But raw and vulnerable before God and man; ready and willing to accept the things God has planned. A heart that is seeking for God in the right places.

Thanks for dealing with my ramblings. I have much to learn. But I can't wait to be taught <3

~MadaLee