Loving Different Abilities

It was Thanksgiving night, and eight year old me was sorely uncomfortable, standing in the basement of someone's house that I didn't know very well. We were visiting old friends of mom and dad, and I was dragged along, because where else was the eight year old supposed to go? My older sisters were all socializing with the other kids, friends of theirs as well. And since drama has been a strong trait my whole life, I began feeling very sorry for myself. Where I was probably being a brat, and pouting about being in a stranger's home, for whatever reason he took pity on me. The family's youngest son, almost five years my senior, was one of the kids who had a bad reaction to a vaccination shot, and it left him severely mentally handicapped. He has a gift of tenderness, and is forever hugging people from whom he gets a sad feeling. So there I was, pouting and carrying on, and he comes over, big as a teenager but awkward and fumbling, and hugs me. He stood there hugging me, until he felt like I was ready to be let go. What was probably only five or so minutes felt like an eternity, being hugged not just by someone I didn't know, but by someone who was distinctly different from myself. The memory is burned into my mind, etched forever into my memory- the smells, the movements. I can clearly see over his shoulder, watching his older sister decorate their Christmas tree. I can see the table of food to our left. There is hardly a detail from that moment that I don't remember. I will be eternally grateful for him, because even at so young an age, he was a tool used by the Father to instill in me a love for those with different abilities.
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Fast forward 8 years, I'm now a sixteen year old, sitting on a plane headed for Purdy, Missouri. (In fact, it was on this day six years ago I got home!) The destination was a camp that tells kids who are typically told "you can't", "here, you can". The whole of the camp is designed to be wheelchair accessible, with the needed equipment at every normal camp activity to make it possible for kids to participate. Each camper is paired with a camp volunteer, and they are cared for almost exclusively by their volunteer. My camper got to ride a horse, canoe, swim, do archery. She had the whole "camp" experience for an entire week, even though she was non-verbal, legally blind, bound to a wheelchair, and essentially only about 6 months old mentally.
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Yesterday I went to a beloved local park with the youth from my church. Roughly twenty or so 6-12 graders meandered through the park, enjoying the wildlife and gardens and probably being generally too loud. One 6th grader, however, tugged at my heart. He carried a little stuffed animal, which I found odd for his age. But as the day wore on, it became increasingly evident there was perhaps autism or other special abilities at play in his personality. I found myself drawn to asking him questions and trying to be his friend as he was fairly overlooked by the other students. I wanted him to feel loved, safe, and welcome. His imagination was beautifully vivid as he described in detail how his stuffed pig and he would fight giant shrimp with lasers. (yes, shrimp)
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I'm not a parent of children with different abilities, but I truly believe the Lord has given me a heart for kids who are different from others. My heart aches to love the kids who require someone to show interest in their unique day dreams, or will feed them through a G-tube, or will let them hug you for five minutes straight, because it's how they can express themselves. I will forever be thankful for the day when the Father began opening a tender spot in my heart, standing in the basement of that house that Thanksgiving night. I don't know how He will use it, but I have no doubt there is something more to be done with this love.

How have you seen the Father instill a love into your heart, and then see it come to fruition? Search your heart, its there ;-)

Xo,
M

I've been so happy lovin' you

I had about a million good reasons for changing my job, and since quitting the one to more to the next, I've had no regrets. But I would be lying if I said that the actual job changing was without pain. In fact it's been one of the most painful job transitions I've made. When you leave a nannying job, you leave more than just a job; you leave this little person you love so very dearly.

Pictures have been coming up on my newsfeed from two years ago when he first came and I confess, I have actually cried a little. I miss him.

I keep looking at this picture.

I keep thinking about that sweet lullaby that Uncle Jesse sang on Full House. The one line, "I've been so happy loving you" keeps playing though my mind. Although nannying did not come without it's own little baggie of trouble, I was so very happy loving my little Bear.

I can't wait to make coffee all day. I can't wait to smell like coffee at the end of my shift. I can't wait to serve people and build relationships with customers. But I confess, I miss my boy.

I'm ready to move on to the next adventure, but as there's a time for everything, I'm not totally over this job.

I still miss his silliness.

I still call bananas "buhnahs"

I still have the little blanket you used for nap time.

I hope dearly you come by for gelato for time to time baby, your nanny loves you still! :)

Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

Per the sage advice of several older, wiser women, I have worked as hard as I possibly can to shed my expectations of you. For ten or more years, I have tried as diligently as I can to drum away my ideas of your face, physique, and voice. I've chased away images of you working on your car, or painting in our flat. I've put ideas of your hobbies, jobs, interests, tastes in music, food, and movies, and even your nationality out of my mind. I have tried to erase my expectations of your personality, your temper, your background, your height, your hairstyle, your everything. It is so sorely unfair of me to have expectations of you, and I know that from time to time, I've built some up, and I don't have it all right. But I think I've done ok putting an image of you out of my mind.

But there's something you need to know.

For as many ideas that I don't have about you, I have so many for our marriage.

I have been the blessed daughter of two amazing people. But the legacy goes deeper. You see, I watched as my grandparents, married sixty years, kissed and held hands. I watched as my ailing grandfather wept over seeing his Darling in a rehab environment. Even thought I know it's helping her get better, his mind couldn't grasp it. And that's a thing that I love. She is still so patient with him.

Even with his fragile mind, she loves him. Even when his world is muddled and confused and frustrating, she's the only thing he knows and loves. Even when he asks the same question 15 times in a row; even when he forgets what he's done with her things; even when she can't physically handle helping him do things, she still loves him. Her love is deeper than "in love". His love is deeper than "in love".

They have built a marriage of "Three Strands", and 60 years, two kids, 9 grandkids and a growing number of great grands later, this is so evident. The only constant in their life, is the cord of Christ, the cross of Christ.

This is the expectation I have for us. This is the kind of marriage I long for us to fight for.

Better or worse.

Richer or poorer.

Sickness and health.

Love and cherish.

Till death do us part.

I want to be decades deep and still just in love. I want to be 60 years in and still just as willing to love and serve you.

But I can assure you the only way we will ever have this kind of forever love, is if we both are first madly in love with Christ.

So please, wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever you're doing, fall in love with Christ first.

This kind of marriage is such a testament to His mercy. Their marriage has brought Him glory...isn't that what marriage should do? Bring Him glory?

Isn't that what our lives are to do? Bring Him glory?

I don't know that I do that well every day, or ever, but I hope I can bring Him glory as a single person until I can bring Him glory as your bride. Until we can with our marriage.

So I will continue to push away expectations of you, but I can assure you I'm storing up many for the quality of our marriage.

To the One Who Stayed

To the One Who Stayed,

This post is not easy. I feel like I've endured a roller coaster of emotions and I'm trying desperately to get off, but just when I think it's done, that it's all over, it takes another loop. Another uphill climb and another downward spiral. It goes on and on and I'm weary.

Its not all your fault, I get it. But I confess, all day yesterday, until this morning, I was so angry with you. All you wanted to do was leave, but it was so unlike you. You broke my heart and for the first time in the whole of my life I wanted to shout at you.

Sweet, loveable, gentle, docile you.

I wanted to grab your shoulders and plead with you. I wanted to release the floodgate, banging the doors behind my eyes. I wanted to scream and cry and pitch a fit. I wanted to explode for the pain in my heart.

You are so tired. And that breaks my heart. How I want to ease your pain and bring you joy. I can't, but I want to. I know you are tired. I know you are done.

But you're not done.

I am so selfish! I want you to be here with me! I want you to meet whoever I marry. I want to know you approve of him.

I want you to meet whatever children the Lord blesses me with.

I want to talk books and big words with you. I want to talk about family history and geek out over names with you.

I know I'm being so incredibly selfish, but I still want you here.

But if you're ready, there's one thing I need to say:

If you're going to leave, I understand. I love you, I'm going to miss you, and I promise you I'm going to cry a lot, but do me one favor. Please, just one.

When you leave, be you. Be you when you go from here.

Do you remember who you are?

You're sassy but sweet. You like scrabble and novels and fresh picked figs. You like coffee infused water and gooey butter cake. You like things that grow and you always have plants in your windowsill. You like bird watching, wave watching, and 500 piece puzzles. You follow baseball, and basketball and a mired of other sports I didn't even realize.

You have the patience of a saint! You've endured 30+ years of excruciating pain with minimum complaint, and been the faithful, joyful wife of an ailing man. And the gentle, peaceful woman in the life of so many.

So when you go, please! Please be you! You've fought wars of loving a PTSD husband, crippling arthritis, a number of other minor and (semi)major surgeries...so when you go, please don't just wane to another war, you're a fighter, a soldier. When you go, go like you. Still be you. Leave the way you have done all things: with gentleness and strength; the kind I hope to one day attain. Stay the lady I love and admire so very much.

But for now, one last thing.

If it's ok with you, please stay.

Stop Saying Jesus is Enough

Maybe its the fact that I was with 40,000 other believers. Maybe its the fact that I haven't done anything like this since high school. Maybe its the fact that I was with a new group of friends. Maybe it's because my faith was needing to drink deep again.

Maybe it was all of these in tandem.

Whatever the reason, or reasons, I was excited. I felt like little kid excited.

As we were sitting in our seats, I looked around at the thousands of people milling around, trying to find theirs. Thousands and thousands together for one purpose: to worship. I decided to do something I don't recall ever doing, so I sat waiting, and prayed my heart into a place of worship. I assure you, it made all the difference in the world. I wasn't just robotically singing along, I was in a place where I could believe what I was singing. I had never experienced worship quite like it. It was beautiful. So bold and bare before our Lord, I poured my whole heart and soul out, and not just "caught up in the moment" type of pour. A pouring of total surrender. I did this before every session, and the worship maintained a "whole heart" atmosphere for me. If you've never done this...do it! I don't know why I waited so long.

The first session starts and Louie Giglio walks out on stage. This is my all time favorite speaker and this was the third time I've heard him live. Remember that excitement I described? It was so still there. He starts speaking, and all of the sudden I'm the only one in the room. He is talking directly to me. There's no one beside me, in front of me, behind me or around me. I'm the only one. And bit by bit, I feel myself breaking down.

This isn't supposed to happen this soon... I'm not even exhausted yet!

I experienced a rush of emotions as pieces of my past flew into my heart and God said "Let's deal with it."

Louie addressed the "broken girl" and I have never felt more vulnerable than that moment, when I sat weeping, my soul gushing out before the Maker, Savior, and Lord. I didn't even care that no one else in my group didn't seem near as effected as I was, I was with my Father and it did not matter. The weight of sins, mine and others that effected me, sat on my lap as I sat listening to the Father's Word come forth this speaker.

"When Jesus came back from hell, he brought the keys for your salvation and the keys for your freedom"

He went on to say that He brought back the keys to set me free from whatever someone did, or didn't do, from whatever hurt, or anger, or fear, or pain, or jealousy, or rage, or sorrow, or malice I felt. Jesus knew what happened, and HE IS BIGGER THAN ALL OF IT.

I knew so much of this, but I realized, I didn't believe any of it.

But in those moments before my Father, I was liberated into His grace and love and freedom. I felt a literal weight lift from my soul. One I did not realize I was carrying.

Over the course of the next few hours and days I had a whole perspective shift, and I never want to forget it.

I was able to sing, and mean every word as a prayer for my heart. It was then we sang a song that had an impact on my heart.

"Nothing and no one comes close to you. Nothing could ever come close." (Simple Pursuit, Melodie Malone)

I didn't believe this. SO many things "come close" to Him where they aught not.

"If you stayed right where you are, I Am everything."
"If everything changed overnight, I Am everything."
"If you lost your job, I Am everything."
"If you never get married, I Am everything."
"If you do get married, I Am everything."
"If you got sick, I Am everything."
"If you lose everyone you love, I Am everything."
"If I called you away, I Am everything."
"If I kept you here, I Am everything."
"If you don't see another day, I Am everything."
"If you walk this world, I Am everything."

Jesus Christ isn't "just enough" HE IS EVERYTHING.

Saying that "Jesus is enough" suddenly felt like I was settling for less. "Enough" suddenly felt like I was saying "well I wanted more, but this will be fine...it's just enough." JESUS CHRIST IS MORE THAN ENOUGH. HE MORE THAN SATISFIES. HE MORE THAN CARES. HE MORE THAN LOVES. He paid such a price, just because of love, and had every right to hate me because of what He suffered, and He chose to love me anyways, and I have the audacity to say He's just enough?

Nothing and No One comes close to Him!

I walked away from this weekend, believing this with my whole heart. The God that gave me freedom from everything that has bound me, LOVES ME. And He, no matter where I stand in this life, is Everything to me.

He is and will be my Joy.
He is and will be my Love.
He is and will be my Life.

I came home, and real life started back- and I had to firmly stand on the guarantee that He is more than enough, He is everything.

Circumstances were immediately rocky, and Jesus was still everything. Even when life doesn't seem right. So much happened this weekend, and Jesus was still the "everything" that made it last. That made it so important.

"When the angel rolled the stone away, it wasn't so Jesus could get out [He walks through walls, it didn't have to move], the stone was rolled away, so that we could see in. Jesus isn't here, HE IS RISEN. He was the victim of our sin but it wasn't His identity. He has become the Victor! Jesus is alive, HE HAS RISEN."

New happenings

Well hello blog! Whilst I have neglected any personal update, much has happened. I have talked about finally plugging into a church, and what a balm to my soul that has been. Feeling like I'm finally "home" in a sense has been a feeling I never thought I would have.

We have also had a number of exciting additions to the family!




 
 
In May, this little lady was born to my oldest sister! After three boys, having a girl around has been very different already! Its been fun getting to see more and more of her personality and getting to know her sassiness! (Which I like to think I gave her) She is a darling girl and we are so blessed to have her in our family!













We had another very exciting addition just a few weeks after this Miss made her arrival! I shall spur my sister on to a new blog post soon, and I will allow her the details of her beautiful love story, but in the meantime, my sideline view has been a privileged front row seat. At just the right time, the Father saw fit to bring "Mr. Right" into her life. It has been a joy to watch her love and be loved in a right and caring way. He is already such a part of our family, the receiver of many nicknames, and making jokes at my expense! He fits so well, and has been such a blessing to my sister!





The newest member of our family came just two weeks ago today! My second oldest sister welcomed her first son, and we are all SMITTEN! This is the fuzziest, sweetest, chillest little dude I have ever seen! Every time I look at him, I feel like my heart is going to explode. He is precious and perfect in every way. Four nephews and one niece into this family, a new one never ceases to bring so much joy and excitement into our lives! We love him soooo much and are thrilled to have these two babies joining us on the family beach trip coming up! (We're also especially glad, because this guy wasn't due until the 28th!)




That's pretty much the fast track of life since the last personal post! And don't worry, I won't wait this long again! :)

-Mal

 

Overwhelmed

I'm overwhelmed by You, You're sovereign majesty
I'm captured in the passion of a holy King
And I've been reconciled to the son of peace
I belong to You, You belong to me

The lyric has been playing through my mind for more than a week now. I'm overwhelmed by You.

My life felt pretty low in the slumps for a while, where my joy was low and the resentment towards the monotony I felt high. I felt like I had few friends, and those I did have were occupied with jobs or boyfriends or school or a combination of the three.

I felt no joy in my job. My sweet little bubbly, beautiful boy would just smile and grin at me. And as cute as his grins and babbles are, I took little joy in him. I loved on him, of course. But there was no joy. My mom really challenged me and encouraged me to find it and apply it- because it was making me grumpy and moody to everyone and everything.

I began to really seek joy and contentment where I was. And in seeking the will of the Lord, I began to find it. Slowly and surely, I found joy in the little things, and in the hard things. I found things beautiful again, as I also had begun to experience some apathy as well. It was most definitely not an overnight change- but it was an overnight mindset switch. A firm decision to commit the day I was given to the Lord.

All of the sudden I felt blessing after blessing pour out onto my soul. It was is if my heart was being led to the green pastures promised, and I was in knots of excitement, knowing what was ahead; the blessings and provision of the Father. As a friend reminded me just this morning, He withholds NO good thing. It is His desire to bless us. Though we neither deserve it or fully understand it, He does it just the same. In the midst of all of this, I began to actively see His blessings. Most clearly in the form of fellowship and friendship. A lady extended her hand as a mentor, and I am so thankful for that. I met with her and a few other girls, and although I was a bit awkward and maybe a tad distant, I can see myself really plugging into this group the more I get to know them. I was able to have a new friend come for dinner and then visit with her for a while, and I cannot describe the joy I felt for being able to invest into someone again. We were able to talk and chat as if we'd known each other forever.

Can you see at all why I felt beyond overwhelmed? It was too much. My cup was overflowing. And it just kept coming.

On the same night that I met with the lady and girls, the same night my friend was here for dinner, and the same day that I had spent time with the new group I am apart of, it just didn't stop. As I was walking into Panera for Bible Study, I discovered that a lady, very dear to my family was there. I hadn't seen her in at least 5 years, but probably more. As soon as I saw her, my heart just couldn't handle it, and I burst into tears, exploding with joy and thanksgiving.

All I have been thinking since two weeks ago, is, "God, I do not deserve this- but I am so thankful!" I cannot put into words what being overwhelmed by the Father is like- but I assure you, there is nothing like it. I have been able to spend time with my family, in the evenings, or we joined a pool this year and have gone almost every day. It has been such a blessing to take joy in them again. Yesterday, five of the siblings volunteered at a festival, and we just enjoyed being together and riding roller coasters. I have had the time to invest in this new group of people and I feel like I am being established and able to connect and form friendships. But all this by the hand of the Father. I not only did nothing, I deserve nothing. Would  I feel half as overwhelmed right now, had I not chosen to submit to the joy of the Lord? Would I just be delighted with the new of it all, instead of deeply and genuinely thankful for it?

In my Sunday school class, we are working our way through Joshua. Although I came in part way into the book, I have gained so much. Through both the teaching and the discussion. (This deserves a post of its own!) But where we are right now, is the Israelites have just crossed the Jordan on dry ground. But its more than that. When the crossed, it was flood season. So the Jordan wasn't just flowing strong, it was overflowing. When the Lord stopped the waters? He stopped them twenty miles north of where they were crossing. And where the crossed? Directly in front of Jericho. The nation they were going to conquer. And who crossed first? The army. 40,000 men in armor. This was a big deal. Like, huge. So God told Joshua to pick on man from each tribe, to go back to the Jordan, and each pick a stone and bring them back to camp. Why? So they would remember.

Why do I tell you all this? I tell you, because it gives a Biblical reason for my blog. I blog, not just to share, but to remember. And I never want to forget the magnanimity of this moment. Of this feeling of pouring joy from the Lord. Of the blessing of obedience. Once you taste it, you never go back. And I want to forever relish in His joy. Because whether His blessings comes in the form of little or comes in the form of much; comes in His taking away or His giving to me; comes in the form of keeping me here or moving me elsewhere, I don't want to miss it.

I want to remember what His glorious hand looks like in my life. I want to share what His mercies can look like. And I want everyone to know His joy.

Sincerely overwhelmed,
Mal

An Open Letter to the Church

Dear Church,

First and foremost, when I write the Church, I am essentially writing myself as well. So anything I say can and should apply to me as well.

This said, let me be as honest and transparent as I can be.

My heart aches at the state in which we currently find ourselves. This is a general assessment, because in the last two years, the Lord has led me through a number of different churches. A Baptist church, a Spanish church(also Baptist), a community church, a Calvary chapel, a traditional Baptist church, and most recently a nondenominational congregation.

Although some of these were one week visits, I still see it; in some more than others. But I see it nonetheless.

For some context, let me share where I'm coming from by way of a few verses:

"...let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." (Hebrews 10:24&25)

"So those who received his word were baptized, and there were added that day about three thousand souls. And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers." (Acts 2:21&22)

Do you see it?

Fellowship. Encouragement. Sharing meals(breaking of bread). Meeting together.

(source)

Oh church, where is this?

Where is the deep connection to one another in Christ? And why has it been passed up for a quick "I'll pray for you" and busy schedule. What on earth are we doing that is so much more important?

We allow things we say are "necessary" to rule our lives, and then we want to jump into some kind of neighborhood ministry with practical strangers.

How can you expect to minister to nonbelievers with people you don't know? I find this illogical. We're abandoning Christian fellowship for empty relationships in the name of "ministering to them". If we are ministering alone, we already aren't following a Biblical model, nor are we following the example set by Christ himself.

Why have we stopped ministering to each other? Think about this with me, as a Christian, individuals need to know that the community of believers is still around them.

This has not been the case for me in recent years.

I'm not saying that I've been abandoned by the church, as some feel they have been, but I am saying, I see no evident community.

No investment in one another. No joy in doing life together. No real relationship.

Church, why is this the case? Why are we no longer being the network of believers designed by Christ? Why is our answer to "how are you?" always "I'm good!" And why, when someone does decide to be honest, and share "I'm struggling" are we so irritated? Because we're so busy we don't want to deal with someone else's problems.

Church! This isn't Biblical! We're called to listen and minister when someone is struggling! That's what it means to "bear one another's burdens" (and so fulfill the law of Christ Galatians 6:2). But we've built up such a shell of busy, busy, busy, that we are scared to share. We overthink, "what will people think if I was really honest?" This ought not be. But it is. Why? Why have we let ourselves come to this place?

Church, if we are not encouraging one another, building one another up, teaching and training one another, I dare say even admonishing one another, how do we think we can be Christ to others unless we are Christ to each other? This is the family. If it's not right in here, it can't be right out there.

Church, seek the Lord in all we do- and we will be doing His will. And when we do His will- we bring glory to His name.

Signed,
A member of the Church

Please, Mr. President

Dear Mr. President,

You're a pretty busy man. And this I understand. But see, I've written you before and well, that was a while ago, and it just doesn't seem like much has changed since then.

Sir, picture this with me: think of your wife and two girls, and you in prison in another country. How would your kids feel if they had to go on living their lives if you were unavoidably detained elsewhere? Think of how your wife would feel, having to basically raise them by herself. Don't think of the torture you may have sustained, the malnourishment, the total cut off from communication to your family, the fact that you can't even pick up the phone to hear your wife's voice, or watch a cute video on your phone of your daughter's birthday party. Don't think about the fact that maybe all the people in your prison pick out you to hate. Don't imagine the insanity you would begin to feel in the dark solitude. Don't think of the months and months that have stretched into years that have driven a gap between you and your loved ones. Don't think of abyss that you face every time your conscious. Just think of your wife, and your babies, without you.

Mr. President, doesn't that break your heart? Doesn't it devastate you to imagine your little girls celebrating another year of their life...without you? Or to picture your wife celebrating your wedding anniversary across the table from an empty chair?

Now Mr. President, think of your country. If your country had any power at all, to bring you back to the arms of your family, wouldn't you hope, and pray, and maybe expect that to be happening? Now imagine that your country could do something, and didn't.

Mr. President! Search your heart! Doesn't this disturb your soul?

I ask for one last thing. Think of the man sitting in a prison on the other side of the world. The man who has suffered all this and more. Think of your fellow man, another human being, loved by God, suffering unthinkable things, and do for him what you would want him to do for you. Do everything in your power to bring this American citizen home to his family. And until that time comes, what are you doing for his young bride who is living the life of a widow, leader her family by herself? I beg of you, what would you want done? Are you doing it?

Mr. President, its time to bring Saeed home.

Signed,
An American citizen

Do I really love?

Its a simple question. But it takes a lot of thought to answer.

Do I really love?

The only way to answer this question is to first define love. For me the very definition of love is Christ. But how does that really look? And to answer that, I hit 1 Corinthians. (Thanks to my sister for the inspiration of this.)

I've read the Bible for as long as I can remember. But my sister suggested questioning myself through the passage.


Try it with me.

"Love is patient and kind; Am I always patient? What about kind? 

love does not envy or boast; Do I envy when they succeed, or boast when I do?
it is not arrogant  or rude. Am I rude and arrogant to them?
It does not insist on its own way; Do I want my way only?
it is not irritable or resentful; Am I irritable and resentful to them?
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Do I rejoice with their truth, or smirk at their wrongs?
Love bears all things, Do I joyfully deal with their "things"?
believes all things, Do I believe them when they tell me things?
hopes all things, Do I hope for their better?
endures all things." Do I give up on them, or do I keep on loving?
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

How did you do? To be honest, I didn't like my answers. At first I thought, "Aha! Here's one I don't mind answering: love does not delight in wrongdoings" And then I put some thought to it. Maybe rejoicing in wrongdoings, is the same as revealing them. Maybe it doesn't matter how someone treated me, or did something. Maybe I should just keep it to myself. Venting doesn't always have to include names and details. 

I am learning so much. But love might just be the biggest thing. Love...love isn't a feeling. Its an action, based on faith. And in time, that "feeling" will come. Love is not always returned, not always convenient, and not always easy. But without love, the world would be the most hopeless thing. Ever. Love saved us. Love died for us. How much do we love? I know I don't love that much. 

Here's to learning ever more as we live, learn, and grow! 



 
 "So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

Ginger goes again

Remember Ginger?

Well. She's going again.

Its times like these I imagine I resemble a lot of "Peter Pan" or "Anne Shirley" tendencies: a yearning desire for absolutely nothing to change.

But the harsh, cold, true reality is that you can't hold back time. You can't wish it to stop, or to rewind. Time presses on with more endurance than anything else I know or know of. Time changes things we wish to stay the same. Time presses forward, and the more we wish it to hold on, we miss where time has brought us at that moment.

But the thing more consistent than even time itself is God. ("Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8) And that consistent God is ever faithful, not just to me, but to Ginger as well.

Ginger, as you go, remember that the loving and faithful hand of the Father is on you and all your ways. Know that though time and distance are between us for this season, you are always dear to my heart, and never far from my thoughts. 

Allow the Son to be the light by which you shine. You are so endearing, and lovely, dear Ginger. Let the Father use that! I get overwhelmed thinking of the ways He could. ("For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." 2 Corinthians 4:5&6; "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5

I don't know how life will look for you in the coming months; and I dare say neither do you. I know you pray. I love to hear you pray. But sometimes, the words just don't come for any of us. When those times come, take comfort. Your shouts of joy or your wails of grief or your moans of confusion or your silence of thankfulness are each heard, and understood. The Father knows. He kind of thought of everything :). ("...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Romans 8:26)

That passage is pretty cool. It goes on to say, that "he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified." (Through vs. 30) 

Ginger I don't know what being adults is going to look like for either of us. Where that will take us, and who it will shape us into. But please know that I am praying for you, wherever you go, will love you however He creates you to be, and will visit you, no matter where He calls you to live!

(Ginger and I spent a lot of time together this summer, but this is the only picture we got. Two of our dearest friends between us!) 

tia on duty

First off, I'm sorry for my month of silence. Between getting the house ready and having it ready for showings, I've hardly touched my laptop. In fact, this is the first time in probably a month that I am sitting down to use it at all. (aside from cutting on music, and that, well lets get real, hardly counts.)

Now onto life as I (currently) know it...I am presently at my sister's house! It was a two-way favor, see. They needed a sitter for an event, and I needed some time away. So in return for a babysitter, they are letting me stay a few days, and I am loving every second with these guys!

Those of you who read my blog at all, know that I come from what is culturally accepted as a "large" family. With four sisters(just on this side of the family) and three nephews, it can be difficult to get one-on-one time, as they are often the most popular attendees at family functions.

But here I am. The only tia for miles. The one for who's attention they are pining. Every little thing they do, from "look at this stick" to "watch me jump off this wall," the comment I hear squealed out of their little mouths is "Yonnie look!!"

The one recently got glasses and is starting to read, another finding his voice and learning to communicate his opinion and the other is in the early stages of learning to walk. Each of them so different. Their own person. They all have likes, and dislikes. Each a voice and face of their own. Each precious and lovely to me. One look. One word. And this tia is melting at their beck and call.

But, even if I would give them the world if they asked, I've found myself in a difficult position.

Three such different guys. Three little people. Three love languages. Three ages. Three names. Three behaviour patterns. Three personalities.

And only. One. Me. No other aunts, uncles, grandparents or anyone else to help make sure each child felt important.

Oh how desperately I want each of them to feel loved and cherished and important! For them to be able to look back and to say "My aunt took time for me. She listened. She loved me."

I have quickly found myself tuning out the copious amounts of noise; turning a deaf ear whatever unidentifiable sound is coming from the back seat or other room; and unfortunately even snapping when they weren't listening to "gentle" instruction.

But while I was here alone, I had this revelation of common knowledge dawn on me: it goes too fast. I looked around and man, I told my sister the mess would have made a nun swear because it had gotten that bad that fast. I won't even go into detail about the mess, the baby has been just off for two days and appears to be getting sick, so he was clingy and fussy. The older two were absolutely wound! They had enough energy to demote the energizer bunny. I didn't even feel stressed about the chaos I had allow to descend on the house, and before I knew it, #2 was asking me what I was singing.

Singing?

Yep. Singing. You guys have got to believe me...it took me an hour and a half to clean up after I put the kids down. And I didn't even care. I enjoyed cleaning up. Because I knew that I had spent time with the little boys who so dearly love me and are glad that I am here with them.

The cake that in my mind was total bust was a little sliver of heavenly sweetness to them. They didn't care that my hair was messy or that my outfit totally clashed. They don't care if I have eloquent speech or use fancy words. It does not impress them when I sing or speak Spanish. They won't remember those things.

The mess remained until they were down. But we had fun. We played games and laughed and just enjoyed being tia and nephews. We sang lullabies and quoted Bible verses together. And it turned out to be a lovely night. I wouldn't change one single thing about it.

So now here it is. 12:30am. I'm sitting in a clean house. With happy sleeping boys upstairs. And I am perfectly pleased to know, I was able to let it all go to be the tia on duty. The one that hears their stories, adventures, and complaints. To hold them when mommy's hand are full. To love them through rough patches. And to rejoice when they conqueror something great. But I will say, I'm glad I am not the only tia all the time. This is a tough job for one gal! ;)

May Flowers

May is hard month for me. It has been for a few years.

May first became a month of difficulty three years ago when I said good-bye to someone for the first time. I don't mean good-bye like someone was moving, or to an elderly relative that I didn't really know. I mean, that I stood by the side of a friend, my age, who was ending his battle with cancer. "Emotional" doesn't even begin to describe me during the weeks that followed. I remember getting the news that he was gone and collapsing on the kitchen floor. I had never prayed so hard, and never been so devastated.

Also understand, I was sixteen. I am an overly emotional person. And this was a new experience. Everything felt so huge; I had no idea how to deal with it. So, for an entire year, I wrote him letters. I spoke at his funeral, and was honoured to do so, but it was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

If you read this post, you can read more about the second reason May is hard.

My Cinco de Mayo nephew is waiting for me. I can't wait to meet him.

Sometimes it feels like, there are still showers in May, and that it's still sort of dark. But I like to think that I just have a few waiting May flowers waiting. And I can't wait to see them in full bloom.

The story of a boy who changed my world.

Yes. I was 100% sure I wanted to meet him. But I was nervous. I wanted him to like me. I thought "I'll do anything to make him happy." And the moment I saw him, I knew I was right. The moment I laid eyes on him, this love I never knew I possessed welled up within me and it hasn't gone away since. Instead, it increases. Every. Single. Day. Every time he looks at me and grins, I think I'm going to melt into a puddle on the floor. He has no idea that he has this power over me, but one little kiss, and I cave. This boy literally changed my whole world. Do you want to meet him? Well let me tell you the story. I promise, it's worth the read.

On March 28, 2009, at 8:23 P.M., this red, wrinkly little guy flipped my whole world upside down. 

 

I walked into the room just an hour or so after my sister had given birth to him. And there he was, laying in that plastic bassinet screaming his little fuzzy head off. But it was the sweetest screams I have ever heard. The scream that signaled: I was an aunt! 

Every day since that moment has been a walk on the wild side, as that tiny human became more and more of a person of personality.

Tell me to imagine one more day without him, and I can't. You wouldn't be able to either if this was the face you fell in love with.

Every day I get to spend with this crazy little boy is an adventure.

I love every face you have.

Every mess you make.

Every time you cuddle.

Every silly "Bubbyism"

Yes you dapper little gentleman, I love you head to toe. Every little thing about you. I think I will keep you. Thank you for letting me be your tia. You mean the world to me, and I love getting to love you! Sweet guy, YOU ARE THE BESTEST, WHOLE HAND OLD GUY!

Dear nephew, may God bless you today as you celebrate all things YOU! I pray your heart continues to be as tender and sensitive as it is now. The Lord has many big things in store for you. And know that as you embark on each journey, you have a slew of family being your prayer warriors. I love you SO much Fluffy! Happy birthday, Little Mister!
~Love Tia Squishy


Joshua 1:5, 9:
"No one will be able to withstand you as long as you live. Just as I was with Moshe, so I will be with you. I will neither fail you nor abandon you...Haven’t I ordered you, ‘Be strong, be bold’? So don’t be afraid or downhearted, because Adonai your God is with you wherever you go.”

Measure up.

Glancing in the mirror the other day, I smiled lightly to myself. I didn't look half bad that day.

But.

I have struggled with self image for as long as I can remember. I recall being as young as 8 or 9, and laying in bed, on my back, and trying to see how thick I was from my back to my belly, and my mom coming in and asking me what I was doing. I remember having friends over after church and having to scour my clothing for something small enough for them to wear. This one time one of my older sister's friends came over and she had to borrow something of mine. At 10+ years between us, I remember feeling embarrassed because someone so much older than me was wearing my clothes (I was like 10 at the time, so older clearly meant bigger in my mind.) To this day, among my friends group, I'm the largest, one of the shortest, and probably one of the palest.

Any time I begin to think, "Hey I'm not so wide!" I see on of my very tiny friends and realize "...oh but I am."

I look in the mirror of my poorly lit bathroom and see my skin and think "I'm not that pale!" And then I stand next to Yenny. (I guess being Salvadorean gives her the benefit? :))

I have different thoughts like, "My acne isn't so bad. Or my 'girl-stache" isn't so noticeable. Or I'm not that short. Or my hair is kind of long!"  And yet, somehow, something happens to make me realize, I always fall short. I do not measure up in someway. Every. Single. Time. There is always someone who has whatever I have, better.

But I'm holding myself to an impossible standard. One of culturally defined beauty that no one woman has reached it on her own. Any woman who has reached an unnatural ideal has done it...unnaturally. Either by cosmetic surgery and chemicals or by photoshop and airbrushing. Or worse, both. So girls(myself among them) see these unrealistic pictures of "beauty" and strive within our means to reach them and obviously, don't. And when we finally feel good about something, we find someone who has it better and then it's back to level zero again.

But there's another unreachable standard. And one that not just girls fail with. One that every single person fails with. And that most every person strives for.

So what is this totally impossible standard?

Perfection.

Beautiful, unmarred, sacred, glorious perfection.

But good news!

We have a means to reach this one.

You see, as we are all unlovely, we cannot be with the God, who IS love.

BUT! Because He is Love, He made a way for us! He tells us this: "...God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

My pastor said this gem on Sunday. Consider it. "God, sent is Son, to come and live the live you were created to live, and then to die for the one you chose to live instead."

It is OUR fault, but God loves us too much to let that be the end. So He goes on to tell us: "Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him!"

When we accept the sacrifice of His life, God looks at us and sees His son! The wrath He would have poured out on our unmeasured up selves was instead poured out on his son, and because of that, we, though not on our own strength, finally measure up! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is far more worth our time than any humanly concocted idea of perfection. 

Because out of that love for His sacrifice, we obey His Words. Not to gain His approval, but to show our love for all He has done for us. And sometimes, that's not glamorous or fabulous. But to Him, it is beautiful. He tells us in His word that it is "Music to His ears." 

I don't know about you, but that, that is worth never measuring up here.

Disciplining self: Mama bear's confessions

After the weekend, I got two days off thanks to snow and ice blanketing our area of the world. I lazily stayed in bed two hours past when I would have been getting up had I had the kids. But with my extra two hours, I regret to say, I did nothing beneficial. I played games on my phone and enjoyed slowly getting going. I put off my person time with Christ until later, and let me tell you. I reaped some pretty unpleasant repercussions. Its interesting how one little thought of "I have time" completely rearranges your day. I found that the less Jesus being poured in, meant the more "me" was coming out, and "me" is not real nice sometimes.

This morning, though I had a two hour delay, I was up more normal time. I had my personal visit with the Father, and then I got up and got going. Though I was a few minutes behind, I had things back in the right order. I've found joy easier, and chores more enjoyable. I've bit my tongue before it ran like wildfire, and I was able to gently coach my Little through a tough math lesson. My morning has gone far better.

When God is first, everything else in life follows. It doesn't mean that everything is perfect; far from it. It just means you face those things that come, no matter what, with Him. So if its a whiny toddler, a fussy baby, a stubborn house-mate, or something as simple as chores, with Him, you are given the supernatural strength to handle them His way.

Don't take as long as I did to remember the way things are supposed to be. I promise you, that it's worth waking up thirty minutes earlier. Don't allow the flesh to be stronger; the bliss is quickly fleeting.

As for me, today its back to two, but my morning FINALLY started off right. No, I didn't have time to work out, get a shower, or clean something before my little guy got here, but I've been able to speak kindly, and guess what? Last load of laundry is in the dryer now! And nap time is coming! I can get a shower then! :)

Happy Hump-day, y'all!

Here comes Mama Bear

No, this is not a post about my mom.

Its not about my sister or any friends who are moms.

In fact, it's not even about a specific mom, or moms in general.

No. This is a post about me.

Me, who is most definitely not a mom.

As an act of love and service the sister I do most everything with; from scrubbing down the kitchen to taking care of babehs to teaching ESL; has left me, FOR TWO WEEKS. I'm very thankful she is where she is, but I am already missing her something fierce.

She has flown south to help out some friends that we call "family." They have three children, and we love the whole family dearly. Just a few short months ago, we got a picture via text letting us know, there was one more coming! (8 years after the youngest!) It was like being told one of my sisters were pregnant! The next nine months were very hard, and her pregnancy was rough and medically dangerous.
Finally, on the 17th, a beautiful little girl arrived! Healthy and whole! However, there were still some complications, as the mom has been hospitalized since with high blood pressure, and the baby in and out with high Bili Reuben levels. Enough was enough. So off she went down to be with them for two weeks. So understand me when I say this: I'm not sad she's there; I'm sad she's not here. Make sense?

Anyways. We pretty much work as a team, her and I. Without her here, I'm doing what we normally do together and then some and it is crazy! Since I could not go and be with the family, I volunteered to take her little boy for the next to weeks, in addition to my baby. And in a single week, we typically deep clean the house, have dinner ready most nights, get laundry done and dishes, and keep our babies clean, happy and fed. I'm finding that it is quite a feat.

She just left yesterday and already I'm counting down the days. And finding myself increasingly grateful for little things. Like only having my baby two days a week, instead of five. Like having my mom home three days a week instead of only two. Like friends who are willing to do stuff at weird hours so I'm not alone when mom and the Little do have to go to work. Like having only one baby in diapers (AH's little guy is newly potty-trained, however this has been quite a funny story for him and I...more to come on that.)

Yesterday, after deep cleaning the stairs, foyer, living room and bathroom; getting all the laundry done, and having the kitchen cleaned(i.e. just the dishes, but hey.) I was feeling preeeeetty awesome. But I got the little Pickle (as I call him, affectionately) up from his nap, and took him potty. Not to be all TMI, but basically, my clean bathroom had to be re-cleaned after a miscommunication between him and I. As he looked at his bull's eye wet spot on the back of his pants and then up at me, I literally sat down on the bathroom floor and just started laughing. What else could I do? There was no point in any other reaction, and it eased him up. We fixed our new found issue and went about our afternoon (only to repeat the incident today, and this time the pants were not there to catch it =/)

But today I had both kiddos. And thank the Lord, my mom as well. Up earlier than normal, working a little harder than normal. And feeling accomplished, but very tired. And the only label I can put on it is: mom. I feel like a mom. Not playing house with a silent, plastic baby doll that never actually needs a clean diaper or food. Yes its only been two days (roughly) but I'm starting to have a new found appreciation for young mamas all over the world. And thank goodness, there is no one coming home that I have to look all nice for, because I'm not sure that will happen so much the next few weeks. I'll get there eventually.

And even though it's been a harder two days than normal, it hasn't deterred me at all. This is what I want. This is what I'm training for. And I guess that's why I'm thankful for these few weeks of "trial run" by myself. I obviously have some work to do, but I am loving every crazy, chaotic moment of it! :)

As I type my little girl is screaming in protest of a nap. This may become the chronicles of a mom in training for the next few weeks but until this....

~the lady with snot on her shirt

A year in Review:

This has been one of those years, where I look back on it, and I have one thought: "I wouldn't trade it, but God, please never give it to me again!"

This year, like any, had its ups and downs. But I feel like these were on the dramatic/big side and thus felt like I've been on a roller coaster for the past 12 months. So hitting the big stuff:

(A snapshot from January)

January: If you recall this post, my year started off kind of rocky. By my own choices I found myself in the slumps by January. People talk about the new year as a "starting over" time, but I had never experienced it quite like this. In addition to starting off a little rocky, it was my final semester of school. I had worried my brain for months about finishing school and finding a job or taking classes and not being sure what was next, so January was bitter sweet. I went on my final youth retreat, and honestly, I don't remember much of it.

February: In February we journeyed to DC for AH's birthday. I enjoy trave

(DC birthday excursion)

ling a lot, so this was my highlight this month! We did a lot of walking around and eating of some amazing food! (Panas was the best for me!)The Little also had a birthday and turned 12, making me feel ancient.

March: Not a whole lot happened in March, except for the only "big" snow, EP's first anniversary and my oldest nephew's fourth birthday.

However, April began the busy season for me, and I feel like maybe that hasn't stopp

(Me and the birthday boy from March)

ed yet! My third nephew made his grand entrance into the world! How much love you can have for such a little person never ceases to amaze me! Also, I got the privilege of traveling to Philadelphia with the student pastor, his wife and one other student who just happens to be a good pal of mine. It was a unique experience to say the least. We kind of went as a "prep" trip for the missions trip that we took in June. We got to meet the pastor we'd be working with and see the church and area ahead of time, as well as tour the area we'd be staying in. The student pastor and his wife are from the area so they took us around to some of their favorite places, and it was fun seeing a local's point of view without a large group to tote around. I enjoyed the quality time with just a few others.

(Graduation with Ginger)

May: This was when things really started getting busy for me! I graduated in May! (Along side one of my dear friends! Which was such a blessing, since neither of us wanted to have the spotlight all to ourselves, and we had talked about this for years, both being homeschooled! :) After graduation, I spent a week back in DC with my sister's family. It was nice to get away from the norm and spend the extra time with her and my nephews! Only a few days later, I went to the beach with some friends. It's been kind of a tradition in my church for the juniors and seniors to get away for a few days towards the end of the school year. So off we went. I was a lobster. On a more solemn note, we lost a nephew to heaven this month. All that love you build up for a person and not meeting them. The suspense of waiting for Heaven to hold the little one is hard. It was not a fun or easy thing to pack on to such a busy time already. Although the season may have been busy, my Angel nephew is not forgotten and little Enoch Barnett, my other nephews and brothers are all waiting for us.

(Philadelphia skyline)

(Quince Princess)

In June I went back to Philadelphia for the missions trip and honestly, I love this city so much! In this month was one of the coolest and most special things I've ever done. Both DC and Philadelphia are special to me, for different reasons. The earlier part of June held a different, cool and amazing experience for me. One of my dear friends celebrated her 15th birthday. Although she was born here, she is El Salvadorean and had a traditional quinceañera. She had a big princess dress and a few of the traditional tokens or ceremonies of a quince. However, since she is a believer, she chose not to do a lot of them; she just chose a few that were special to her, instead of the extensive ceremony. We also have a large homeschool convention that we attend every June and the past several years I've volunteered in the children's program. It's about 22 hours of volunteer service, all said and done. And I love it! This past year especially I got to know a handful of girls that I've kept in fairly good contact with (facebook is good for this, as well as instagram).

(4th of July with the sisters)

By July I was somewhat worn out from a whirlwind two months that proceeded it. I was thankful for what felt like at the time, a dramatic halt in life. We had our one or two fourth of July celebrations and celebrated my nephew's second birthday. Other than that July was slower-paced for the most part.

August was much fuller. I went roller skating for the first time in YEARS! It was an absolute blast! I also sang with the Spanish church for a community event, finished my time with my youth group, went on a weekend conference with AH and spent a weekend at a friend's house with a few other girls. The five of us are pretty good friends, and all homeschooled. We range in ages from 15 to 19 and enjoy being together. My grandfather got really sick, and we stepped up our involvement with them. In pleasant weather, I go over once every other week and mow for them and my cousin cleans indoors.

(sibling picture from the beach, 2013)

The end of August/beginning of September came biting with a brain tumor. A unpleasant experience to the max. God's hand was seen all throughout it, though, and even still we can see how He worked; at the time it was little things, and looking back, bigger things. God has chosen to heal J this side of heaven and for that we are SO thankful! (You can read J's journey here) He is now undergoing radiation treatments and is halfway done! The hope is that the radiation kills off anything that was leftover after his second surgery and he will be officially cancer free. Keep praying for the Father to be glorified! Along with this, my family's yearly vacation had been planned for just days after his first surgery, and since there was a lot invested in the trip and enough people at home to take care of him, we went ahead and went. It was nice to be away for a while. When we got home we jumped in with two feet. Life was crazy, far from normal, and working forward with incredible speeds. The Little started 7th grade, and AH began homeschooling Yenny (who's quince we celebrated). "Madhouse" doesn't even begin to describe life at this point!

(My birthday dessert)

(Yenny, the Little and I "planning" fundraising)

In addition to being here for school, Yenny and I felt very burdened to help raise some funds for J. So when October rolled around we had our first two fundraisers! The first one we had nothing to do with, save Yenny singing. We held a benefit concert and raised far more than any of us had expected. A few short, crazy weeks later we had event #2 and held a dinner. (Too many people trying to plan! :) Oh well, both were blessed events!) In the weeks in between the two, Yenny and I (along with LOADS of help from other adults) spent a lot of time seeking donations from local businesses and even some bigger stores like Kroger) also, my family went apple picking and spent a day in the mountains. This was very nice and felt a bit like the calm before the storm! I also began nannying! Crazy month! But all too quickly, October drew to a close and I celebrated my 19th birthday! My sister made me lomo saltado (a Peruvian dish) and my mom made me these tasty little raspberry chocolate tarts. DELICIOUS.

(Gettysburg with the fam)

November rolled around and it was a bit of "big event let down". All of the sudden everything I had spent my whole month pouring into was over. I got to go to a Chris Tomlin concert with my oldest sister, her husband and their oldest. It was a blast! Later on we traveled to Pennsylvania for a weekend in Gettysburg and I got some bangs to change up my look a littl
e. Towards the end of the month things got a little busy again with Thanksgiving, Black Friday (an actual event in my house), and a surprise birthday party for my oldest sister. This was one of the best/coolest Thanksgivings ever! I loved every second of the weekend!

(FINALLY!)

Although December is a fairly busy season, I didn't go to any Christmas parties or events this year. Even though I always look forward to it, I was thankful for my evenings to be mostly at home. I enjoyed family time in the Bible leading up to the birth of Christ, and making an ornament for different key events along the way. I did, however, get to meet up with a friend that I have been talking to via social media for over two years. She's moved closer to me, and so we've already enjoyed a closer-distance friendship!

That brings me up
to this week. We spent Christmas morning here at home with just us five. We were then joined by EP and MrP. And a little later on for brunch by my mom's family. In the afternoon we had Christmas with Dad's side of the family and then we left Thursday morning to spend the weekend with Meg and her family. It was nice, overall, even if somewhat chaotic.

To look back on the year is both good and odd to me. I started this post, almost with a "WOE is me" attitude, thinking "Oh SO much has happened!" And a lot has, but not nearly as much as I thought had. It feels like a lot, and of course there are things I chose not to make public that will stay in my heart to ponder. However overall, God was with me through all the ups, downs, ins and outs of my year, and for it I now look at the year and can say "Its ok." Am I making any sense??? :)

Merry Christmas from the Sibs at National Harbor!

God has brought me a loooong way since last December, and for that I am most thankful. I'll just briefly say a few things He's taught me:

~To trust Him, and His unfailing will. No matter what circumstances I face.
~We often see our circumstances with a very distorted view of flawed human analysis, seeing things as far worse than they really are.
~God has my parents as my parents for my benefit, and to talk to them is a greater blessing than I had ever imagined possible before this year.
~The Father works ALL things together for the good of those who LOVE Him!

May each of you have a blessed NEW YEAR with all things bright and new!

Blessings to each of you!

~Mal

The story of a Ginger friend

Once upon a time, two little girls grew up together. They went to each others' houses a lot, and spent the night often. They got to do a lot of cool things together:

They went to a horse farm when they were little. And one time, they were pirates:

They were very apart of each others' lives. They had a pretty cool childhood together. When they got just a little older, they decided, "hey, we actually like being friends." As if they didn't already do a lot together, they started doing more and more together. They became apart of so much. One thanksgiving, they even spent the night with each other! These girls were inseparable!

Over the next few years they had some pretty cool adventures:

they got cool Indian shirts at a festival

they got to go to the zoo together!

oh and one time, they were ninjas for a while

they were free entertainment to their families, because they're just so funny

 

they made each other laugh, a lot!

they made messes...

...and new friends

and then, they graduated...TOGETHER!

They're grown up now. (Note, not ALL grown up ;)) And that crazy red-headed girl is off following the greatest call of her life: making disciples. She will be leaving the country soon. She's been gone for a few months, training already, and the other girl misses her terrible. But more than all that missing, she is so proud of her. Because she can't imagine having all these wonderful memories with someone more amazing! This ginger is another sister. Loved by her family, and cherished by so many. They're still very dear friends, and skype once a week as time allows. But on the edge of adulthood, they see how the Father is working to use them best to His glory in different parts of the world. Although the girl is sad to see her friend leave for a time, she can't imagine her firey-haired, partner in crime doing anything less than EXACTLY what The Lord wants of her.

To follow this amazing gal's journey across the Nations, visit her blog.

I love you so much girl and I'm praying for you as you GO! :)