Do Not Let Your Heart Be Jonah

I'm standing at my mom's kitchen island feeling somewhat sporty, productive and Pinteresty. This morning I donned my favorite leggings, running shoes and a messy bun. I've got Jason Castro gently singing and some shortbread bars are baking in the oven, preparing for the second step. Life is alright. It's not what I want exactly, but it's alright. 

This morning, we sat down to read an expert from Andrea Lucado in a She Reads Truth study, and she wrote about Jonah and Nineveh. I've always viewed it as a story of great redemption, and it is. Mostly for me because, I have never been able to recall what happened to Jonah because I've always sort of...ignored it. I don't like that the great redemption doesn't seem to include his own. We in fact have every reason to believe that Jonah just kinda disappeared and died. He was angry at God and said as much (Jonah 4:9)

 But what do we do with that? What do we do when we experience the same emotion of "that's not fair"?

That moment, is where you find my heart this morning. Pondering the question "what do you do with the hurt and anger you feel when someone seemingly blatantly undeserving of redemption...gets redemption?" We have evidence that Jonah never did rejoice in their repentance and redemption. Andrea also brings up the prodigal son, and his faithful brother. He was angry. 

I confess I have found myself in that place more the past few years than I ever thought I would be. I confessed to my sisters this morning, and I confess to you now, I've tried to be the son that stays. I haven't always done a stand up job, but I have never left, nor have I ever wanted to. I have tried to live my life in a way that honors my Father, and yet there are people in my life who did not, and are now redeemed and leading the lives of wives and mommies: the life I have always prayed for. And more than once the last few years the thought "it's not fair" has screamed through my mind. What do you do, when you were the one who stayed, and you watch as your Nineveh confesses and repents and lives in the glories redemptive grace of God? 

You rejoice. 

You stop looking at your own merit, your own life, dreams, desires, hopes, purity, whatever, and you just rejoice. You follow the example set by the father of the prodigal, and you rejoice. 

If my desires ever come in the way of my truly rejoicing for a sister in Christ, then I have every reason to believe that they have become an idol. And when a sister experiences redemption,  my option is to rejoice. To find the joy, and to celebrate that with her. 

I haven't done a great job of this the last few years, but I am purposing to do so now. I rejoice in redemption, I rejoice in others joy, even if there hasn't been redemption. I rejoice at your joy, and I am celebrating with those who celebrate. 

It is so much easier to wallow and keep my eyes on me and all that I want and do not have, but I miss so many opportunities to rejoice when I do. No more. Joy from here on out! Let's rejoice sisters! 

Loving Different Abilities

It was Thanksgiving night, and eight year old me was sorely uncomfortable, standing in the basement of someone's house that I didn't know very well. We were visiting old friends of mom and dad, and I was dragged along, because where else was the eight year old supposed to go? My older sisters were all socializing with the other kids, friends of theirs as well. And since drama has been a strong trait my whole life, I began feeling very sorry for myself. Where I was probably being a brat, and pouting about being in a stranger's home, for whatever reason he took pity on me. The family's youngest son, almost five years my senior, was one of the kids who had a bad reaction to a vaccination shot, and it left him severely mentally handicapped. He has a gift of tenderness, and is forever hugging people from whom he gets a sad feeling. So there I was, pouting and carrying on, and he comes over, big as a teenager but awkward and fumbling, and hugs me. He stood there hugging me, until he felt like I was ready to be let go. What was probably only five or so minutes felt like an eternity, being hugged not just by someone I didn't know, but by someone who was distinctly different from myself. The memory is burned into my mind, etched forever into my memory- the smells, the movements. I can clearly see over his shoulder, watching his older sister decorate their Christmas tree. I can see the table of food to our left. There is hardly a detail from that moment that I don't remember. I will be eternally grateful for him, because even at so young an age, he was a tool used by the Father to instill in me a love for those with different abilities.
.
.
.
Fast forward 8 years, I'm now a sixteen year old, sitting on a plane headed for Purdy, Missouri. (In fact, it was on this day six years ago I got home!) The destination was a camp that tells kids who are typically told "you can't", "here, you can". The whole of the camp is designed to be wheelchair accessible, with the needed equipment at every normal camp activity to make it possible for kids to participate. Each camper is paired with a camp volunteer, and they are cared for almost exclusively by their volunteer. My camper got to ride a horse, canoe, swim, do archery. She had the whole "camp" experience for an entire week, even though she was non-verbal, legally blind, bound to a wheelchair, and essentially only about 6 months old mentally.
.
.
.
Yesterday I went to a beloved local park with the youth from my church. Roughly twenty or so 6-12 graders meandered through the park, enjoying the wildlife and gardens and probably being generally too loud. One 6th grader, however, tugged at my heart. He carried a little stuffed animal, which I found odd for his age. But as the day wore on, it became increasingly evident there was perhaps autism or other special abilities at play in his personality. I found myself drawn to asking him questions and trying to be his friend as he was fairly overlooked by the other students. I wanted him to feel loved, safe, and welcome. His imagination was beautifully vivid as he described in detail how his stuffed pig and he would fight giant shrimp with lasers. (yes, shrimp)
.
.
.
I'm not a parent of children with different abilities, but I truly believe the Lord has given me a heart for kids who are different from others. My heart aches to love the kids who require someone to show interest in their unique day dreams, or will feed them through a G-tube, or will let them hug you for five minutes straight, because it's how they can express themselves. I will forever be thankful for the day when the Father began opening a tender spot in my heart, standing in the basement of that house that Thanksgiving night. I don't know how He will use it, but I have no doubt there is something more to be done with this love.

How have you seen the Father instill a love into your heart, and then see it come to fruition? Search your heart, its there ;-)

Xo,
M

To the Friend Who Gets There First

To the Friend Who Gets There First,

Congratulations on your ______(new relationship, engagement/marriage, new house, new car, new job, new baby, new dog, new experience; life goal/milestone)! I mean it when I say I am truly and genuinely happy for you! As Solomon talks about in Ecclesiastes 3, I am going to be and am happy for and with you during this time! If you and I are long time friends, there's a real chance we dreamed about this as young girls, together. I hope your dreams came true, or are better than you imagined. Because I love you, I hope it all exceeds your expectations. I hope you are choosing to see these things as divine blessings from the Father. And I hope during this time, you are worshiping Him, and praising Him for giving you these desires of your heart! How He loves to bless us! I will be praying for you as this new chapter in your life begins!

I know you're there first. And I know it's exciting and overwhelming and maybe even exhausting, but please, please, please, do one thing for me:

Don't leave me behind.

No, you certainly can't change my circumstances to match yours, and I am not asking you to in the least! But don't leave me out of your life. No I may not understand by experience what its like to be planning a wedding, or nurse an infant in the middle of the night, or running a house, or working as a _____(new profession here). But that doesn't mean I don't want to still be involved in your life!

If you are not allowing me to be apart of things in your life because you feel sorry for me, please believe me that the introspective pity party I have when you don't allow me into your life is actually what sucks. Don't dismiss me from your life because you feel sorry for me, don't think I will get it, or don't feel like we can "relate" anymore. I may not have a husband, but I will still talk about relationship stuff, like we always have, with you. I may not have a baby, but I will still come over and to hang out. Maybe our "hanging out" will be me helping you clean out a closet, or scrubbing all your bathroom floors, but if we're friends, like actual friends, you better believe that's something I will do in a heartbeat. I'm single, no kids, flexible job & schedule. So if your concerned that your schedule is to rigid, let me fit into it- but please, whatever your reason for keeping me out of this season of your life, don't.

Don't feel bad for me, don't pity me, and please please please, don't shut me out. Allow me take part in the joy of this season with you! Because it is joyful!

I love you friend! Please allow me to keep doing just that! <3

Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

Per the sage advice of several older, wiser women, I have worked as hard as I possibly can to shed my expectations of you. For ten or more years, I have tried as diligently as I can to drum away my ideas of your face, physique, and voice. I've chased away images of you working on your car, or painting in our flat. I've put ideas of your hobbies, jobs, interests, tastes in music, food, and movies, and even your nationality out of my mind. I have tried to erase my expectations of your personality, your temper, your background, your height, your hairstyle, your everything. It is so sorely unfair of me to have expectations of you, and I know that from time to time, I've built some up, and I don't have it all right. But I think I've done ok putting an image of you out of my mind.

But there's something you need to know.

For as many ideas that I don't have about you, I have so many for our marriage.

I have been the blessed daughter of two amazing people. But the legacy goes deeper. You see, I watched as my grandparents, married sixty years, kissed and held hands. I watched as my ailing grandfather wept over seeing his Darling in a rehab environment. Even thought I know it's helping her get better, his mind couldn't grasp it. And that's a thing that I love. She is still so patient with him.

Even with his fragile mind, she loves him. Even when his world is muddled and confused and frustrating, she's the only thing he knows and loves. Even when he asks the same question 15 times in a row; even when he forgets what he's done with her things; even when she can't physically handle helping him do things, she still loves him. Her love is deeper than "in love". His love is deeper than "in love".

They have built a marriage of "Three Strands", and 60 years, two kids, 9 grandkids and a growing number of great grands later, this is so evident. The only constant in their life, is the cord of Christ, the cross of Christ.

This is the expectation I have for us. This is the kind of marriage I long for us to fight for.

Better or worse.

Richer or poorer.

Sickness and health.

Love and cherish.

Till death do us part.

I want to be decades deep and still just in love. I want to be 60 years in and still just as willing to love and serve you.

But I can assure you the only way we will ever have this kind of forever love, is if we both are first madly in love with Christ.

So please, wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever you're doing, fall in love with Christ first.

This kind of marriage is such a testament to His mercy. Their marriage has brought Him glory...isn't that what marriage should do? Bring Him glory?

Isn't that what our lives are to do? Bring Him glory?

I don't know that I do that well every day, or ever, but I hope I can bring Him glory as a single person until I can bring Him glory as your bride. Until we can with our marriage.

So I will continue to push away expectations of you, but I can assure you I'm storing up many for the quality of our marriage.

The journey ahead: all that is new

So since I don't like the "media bombs" people sometimes drop, I thought I would give the world a proper update on me.

Well first things first, lets go back to January. Yikes, I know, January. And not just January, early January. I went to Atlanta with some friends for the Passion conference. It was an incredible weekend, and when I came home my parents informed me that the company my dad worked for was going under. Since my dad found out he began actively working towards a new job. Nothing was panning out the way we thought it should.

The story is full of lots of God ordained, beautiful details. The way that all the pieces fell into place was a work only He could have accomplished. Maybe someday I will get my parents to do a guest post so you can give God the glory He so deserves in all He did for them.

So all of that to say, long story short, after some conversations and a whole lot of prayer, my parents moved forward, and they are opening a gelato and espresso shop.

YIKES. Yay! What? Seriously?!

YES. To all of the above.

My parents are taking a terrifying leap of faith right into the arms of God. I'm proud of them. The timeline is all His, and we don't know when the shop will open, but it will open when God intends it- because nothing has happened unless He has intended for it to. He knows best in all things, the faith this is instilling is vital.

So where does this leave me? Back to January...

My career as a nanny was literally all over the place. I was working for a school teacher as my main job, and doing some part time childcare for some long time family friends. Their situation, however, was changing and they were needing something more consistent. I love the kids, love the parents, love the grandparents- it made sense. So I jumped in with two feet, and by February I had three kids under the age of three; all in (cloth) diapers. Three different schedules, two different families. It was me and three little people that needed me to remember that this one couldn't eat this and that this one has to go down at this time. I had to have this kids on a rigid schedule or something important would be forgotten. (like naps. more than once...) Their diaper changes were scheduled for Pete's sake. To say I was overwhelmed is to put it lightly. I was frazzled, burnt out, stressed out and exhausted. I had Irish triplets and no idea what to do with these three precious babies.

By April I was a literal mess. The Bible study I was "leading" was not getting my best. In fact they were just sort of getting my leftovers. I didn't like to say I was leading, I said I was "facilitating" because leading was too much responsibility. I guess I thought that if I called it something else and didn't put the work in, it would be ok. But it wasn't. By the middle of spring, the study had all but fallen apart. My help around the house was all but nonexistent, and my social life was certainly no better.

It all started adding up, the best way I knew to give something of quality to these other areas of my life was to take the energy from somewhere else. But as I have learned, when you spread yourself too thing, you run out of "you" to spread. When I finally realized that I was no longer giving my best to the babies, that they didn't have my full energy, creativity, and enjoyment, I knew something had to change. I loved them, but in order to survive, I had to have way to much of a schedule. Not that schedules are bad!!! I was just so locked into it, that none of us were enjoying it- me or the babies. So I gulped down the pride, and gave the family my notice. Can we please just get real for a second? This was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Those kids, those precious babies, meant and mean so much to me. My sassy girl and my capuchin monkey man. My kiddos. I loved them. I do love them. Letting them go, however, was the most loving thing I could do for them. They needed to be in their home, on a freer schedule, with someone who had the energy to dedicate to helping grow their creativity and curiosity. They needed something I could not be at this point in my life. So in May, I said good-bye as their nanny and returned to my place as long time family friend and occasional babysitter.

For like, a split second, life chilled out. It was kind of...smooth sailing. I should have known.

I felt like I was doing better with just the one little guy. My baby baby. I've had the kid since he was 2ish months old. He's going to be two soon. Which, isn't a ton of time, ok, I get it. But that's most of his life. I've walked this kid through hours of sleepless naps, argued over quinoa, and cuddled the teething crankies away. I got to help him learn how to walk, speak, learn his shapes and colors. I've been able to teach him signs, Spanish, counting and how to work a crowd (go on, ask him if he pooped his diaper. It's hilarious.)

Needless to say, I had no intention of quitting. I was going to keep my baby, work for my parents over the summer (working for the school teacher came quite handy at times like summer. And holidays.)  and come fall, when I went back full time for them, my parents' shop would be up and running enough, that me being there part time would be enough.

But remember that whole "God is controlling the timeline" thing? Yeah well, if my plan had panned out, my parents would have been open by now and all of ^that would have been fine. But as it is, they aren't even going to be open in the next four weeks. Since this is a "family owned and operated" and everyone else was not able to walk away from what they were doing in life, it was down to me. I was and am the only daughter that will be able to dedicate the kind of time they need.

If we're being totally honest, I knew I didn't want to nanny forever. I did not, however, anticipate leaving it so soon. And yet here I am: walking away from the only career I have ever known. My older sister is sending her baby to kindergarten this year. I would have loved to see my guy that far and then had a parting at such time. But our end came three years sooner.

I'm going to sound super Greek when I say this, but babies are all I have ever known, really. It is the only job I have ever really had.

So, after some prayer and council from my parents, today I took a giant leap of faith. I quit my job, the only job I have ever truly known, and have agreed to work for my parents (as a barista....so. there's that)

YIKES. Yay! What? Seriously?!

Yes. To all of the above.

If you asked me five years ago where I saw myself in five years, I wouldn't have said as a barista in my parents gelato shop. It's not what I imagined for me. To be honest, I've been pretty scared to dream. As totally downer as this sounds, dreams don't seem to pan out too well for me. So I stopped trying to hope for something, and just take each day, each new challenge as it comes. It reminds me of a quote I read, probably on Pinterest, "Maybe the plans God has for me are better than the plans I had for myself." Really it was when I let go, and stopped trying to rip into every door I saw, that the one I'm pretty sure I am supposed to walk through was placed right in front of me. A big neon sign blinking saying, "This is the One". I'm not just stepping into a new job- I am totally switching gears here. I can't wait to be around new people all day. Meeting them and getting to know them. Learning my regulars and learning their stories. I can't wait to be surrounded by the smell of coffee all day. I can't wait to get to be in such a unique and special place with my parents. Working full time, the three of us. I can't wait to see if this is a "reason or a season" (God will use it in my future, or what He will teach me through it...or both.)

I'm terrified, excited, nervous, sad, ready, and totally unprepared all at once. But one thing I guarantee:

I. Can't. Wait.

In Jesus Name

 

You may have noticed that I am pretty bad at keeping up with my blog. Honestly, I wish you could live a day in my shoes. I am working three jobs, which includes four kids and some personal assistant/office type work, keeping up a social life, continuing to invest in my church and my family, and really trying so desperately hard to be a real adult...it catches up with me every single day. Usually around 10am. I feel like my life is a constant seesaw between thinking I did alright, and discovering the reality that I didn't do that good of a job. Oh, your family had dinner? How nice. They have no clean clothes for tomorrow, and you were supposed to send that email three days ago. Its a two step forward, three steps back process for me.

 

I feel like I'm the awkward 13 year old all over again. I feel like I just don't know where I fit. I'm 21, not in school, I'm working my butt off, not in a relationship...I'm really not doing any of the things that everyone else my age is doing. I don't know my place in this world. I'm telling you, it feels like middle school part 2. I am trying so hard to come into adulthood, and do so with grace. I'm doing taxes, ordering checks, managing my time and days so I give enough to everything that my time is dedicated to, and most days, if not every day, I am failing.

 

Some days, in fact the majority of them, it feels like my life has spiraled out of my control. And the faster I try to get a hold on it, the more overwhelming it becomes, and the more it slips out of my hands. Its terrifying. Its embarrassing. It makes me look immature, careless, and incapable.

 

But God.

 

The only constant in my life has been Jesus.

 

In my last post, I briefly mentioned that before worshipping, I have been praying my heart into a place of worship. Since coming home, the Father has continued to expand on what I learned to do while there. And while I've been obsessively listening to the album from Passion, (which I highly recommend), my favorite song has played over and over and over in my head. The chorus of Salvation's Tide is as follows:

 

||Let the walls come down in Jesus name/Let the lost be found in Jesus name/Open eyes to see in Jesus name/Let the city sing in Jesus name||

 

The phrase "in Jesus name" is something I grew up hearing plugged onto the end of prayers. And then it hit me. When our hearts are right, songs can be a form of prayer. I think we formalize prayer so much. I keep a prayer journal, and trust me, when my heart needs to be gushed out to the Father, it is perfect for that. But prayer doesn't have to be so limited to pen, paper, and whispers.

 

When my heart is in a place of true worship, singing the phrase "Let ___ in Jesus name" is a prayer.

 

My life has felt beyond my reach for three or more years, but when my heart is right, I can be in constant communication with the One who wrote every detail of my life. When I allow myself to really consider what I am singing, and truly believe it, I am sitting in the presence of a Holy and Perfect God. A Holy, Perfect God, who chose to love me.

 

Just to be clear, I'm not being "name it, claim it." By relishing in His presence, I am choosing a joyful and peaceful place from which to live. My circumstances don't change because I chose God over chaos.

 

My life, is still 100% beyond my power to control. I still feel like I fall short, come up empty, and don't have it all together. I still feel like my life can be a joke to some people. I still feel like I haven't gotten where I am supposed to be. I still feel like 90% of what I want to do with my life is unattainable. But I chose Jesus a long time ago, and now that I am facing a life full of bills, taxes, payments, jobs, and relationships, I still choose Jesus.

Let us love, live, and serve, In Jesus Name.

Wanting more than just stuff

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want."

I shall not want. 

I shall not want, but I do want. I want things fiercely sometimes. I don't always want bad things, in fact quite the opposite. Except for wanting Netflix to not fall under laziness, but....

Shocker alert blogging world, I want to get married! There, the 21 year old freak has written it out in plain, bold letters! (Quite a feat too, since I'm writing in bed from my iPad.) I want to marry a Godly, strong, man. I want to learn the ins and outs, the sacrifices and the blessings of love. To experience love past roses and sweet nothings. To get into the messy part of loving someone when the job doesn't work out, or the apartment is too small or its banana sandwiches for the third night that week. I want to walk through life with that one man that I pray the Lord is preparing me for.  

I want to get married and I want to have babies. (My word the freak is bold today!) Lots and lots of babies. Babies I carry in my womb and babies I carry in my heart until I can hold them in my arms. I believe strongly in marriage, procreation, and adoption. Can you tell? I want to raise those babies to love the Lord and to love people. I want to teach them everything they need to know. But I want to learn everything I need to know to teach them...and that scares me. I want to be prepared for them, so don't let them down. I want to be a good mommy to them. 

I want to get married, have babies, and I want to be involved in ministry. This is a long standing dream. It's changed in the specifics over the years but the underlying goal has always been the same: to love on people that may be called "the least of these". The poor, the illiterate, the prostitutes, the homeless, the orphans, the alien, and the widow. I want to show them love and do life with people who have been stripped of liveliness. I want to serve people who have been slaves to the world and the minority in the system of culture. 

I don't want bad things. I do want selfish things. I want to be prettier, skinnier, healthier, funnier, to have a more contagious personality. And none of these things are bad. 

But these things, the selfish and the holy, are what I want. 

Me. 

Flawed. Sinner. Wretched me. And I shall not want. The "want" I understand the Psalmist to be talking about, is exactly all the want I've described. 

But here's the thing, more than the way I want my life to go though, I want to be lovely. To be lovely in the way my Saviour is lovely. To be beautiful in the way my Creator is beautiful. To be caring in the way my Rescuer is caring. To be gentle in the way my Shepherd is gentle. And to lead as graciously as my Lord leads. I want to want the things of the Lord more than I want the dream I have built. I want to be desperate for His Word. I want to long for it with every fiber of my being and with every breath that fills my lungs. 

I want to want, only for the Heart of the Most High. And I'm not there yet. 

But this thing, I believe, is a good thing to want!

New happenings

Well hello blog! Whilst I have neglected any personal update, much has happened. I have talked about finally plugging into a church, and what a balm to my soul that has been. Feeling like I'm finally "home" in a sense has been a feeling I never thought I would have.

We have also had a number of exciting additions to the family!




 
 
In May, this little lady was born to my oldest sister! After three boys, having a girl around has been very different already! Its been fun getting to see more and more of her personality and getting to know her sassiness! (Which I like to think I gave her) She is a darling girl and we are so blessed to have her in our family!













We had another very exciting addition just a few weeks after this Miss made her arrival! I shall spur my sister on to a new blog post soon, and I will allow her the details of her beautiful love story, but in the meantime, my sideline view has been a privileged front row seat. At just the right time, the Father saw fit to bring "Mr. Right" into her life. It has been a joy to watch her love and be loved in a right and caring way. He is already such a part of our family, the receiver of many nicknames, and making jokes at my expense! He fits so well, and has been such a blessing to my sister!





The newest member of our family came just two weeks ago today! My second oldest sister welcomed her first son, and we are all SMITTEN! This is the fuzziest, sweetest, chillest little dude I have ever seen! Every time I look at him, I feel like my heart is going to explode. He is precious and perfect in every way. Four nephews and one niece into this family, a new one never ceases to bring so much joy and excitement into our lives! We love him soooo much and are thrilled to have these two babies joining us on the family beach trip coming up! (We're also especially glad, because this guy wasn't due until the 28th!)




That's pretty much the fast track of life since the last personal post! And don't worry, I won't wait this long again! :)

-Mal

 

More on Singles in the Church

My cursor is blinking at me, letting me know that this currently empty page is awaiting my thoughts. Ah my thoughts. They come in torrents, and stay in a jumble. How to make sense of them to get them from my brain to my fingers in a logical fashion. I still don't have a title for this post- mostly because I'm not totally sure what direction it will be taking.

I had a number of conversations this past week that have caused me to want to go ahead with a post of this nature. Its something that has been on my mind for a while- but I have yet to attempt to eloquently write it out. If you recall this post, I began a sort of "series" on my blog about being single today; in relation to the church, the culture, my family and even among my friends group. Although being single is not ideal for me, it's provided me with a unique opportunity to have my current perspective on this issue in the church and my life, of course. If you recall this post, I got a little sassy as I exploited some of the irritations of Christian single girls. I make a lot of generalizations from personal experiences and views; but hey, its my blog. Its ok if I do that, right?

Although this is about singles, its not. This is about the older people in the lives of singles.

I believe that people should have mentors, and be mentors.
Now, I want to be very clear here, without getting into whole other issues. Parents should be the primary disciple makers of their children.
However, mentors are Biblical roles. We see Christ being a leader to his twelve, and what I would define as a "mentor" to three. We see other "mentor" type relationships all through the Bible, way back to Naomi and Ruth (as Naomi guided Ruth through traditions and actions, and Ruth obeyed) to Barnabas and Paul, and in turn Paul and Timothy. There's countless others one could come up with a creative eye. (As I would even consider some such as Abraham and Lot, Esther and Mordechai, and Joseph and Jesus, who although was a father role, really mentored him into his trade.)
I have found two things to be true regarding mentors: when I have had a mentor(or someone playing a similar role in my life), I have someone older, wiser, and less emotionally involved (than my mom or sisters) who is holding me accountable to my walk with the Father. Someone I am having to look at and say "hey I failed. And I need you to lovingly remind me what I vowed to do in my relationship with Christ."
The second thing I have found to be true, is that playing that role (although I have never had an official "mentor" title, I have been an older friend/confidant and someone they have come to seeking wisdom.) I have found that in a way, I am held more accountable to my walk with Christ, feeling like I can give no wisdom, love, admonishment, or anything else unless I am actively pursuing Him. (Not to mention the abundant joy you experience when you are investing into someone other than yourself!)

*Disclaimer*
I don't have a particular Biblical passage to support what I am about to say, it is just something I believe to be a good idea.

I believe that, when it is age appropriate, and the interest exists, that older mentors should be setting up singles with other singles.
Wait. Did she just say she believes in matchmaking? Yes. She did. When you begin to really know the heart of someone you mentor, and you know of someone who just might be suitable for them, set them up. Let them meet each other. Have them over for dinner in an intentional, yet noninvasive setting. Be intentional and proactive in the lives of the singles around you. Chances are not many of them want to be single. But again, know them first.

Why is marriage so important to me? A lot of reasons, really.
1) Our nation is headed fast and furiously in a downward spiral towards everything anti-God, anti-Biblical, and anti-Truth. With a new ruling, that I know you have heard about, "marriage" is going to look pretty cloudy for the next few generations. I believe that marriage, in the true, pure, and correct sense is necessary. And without Godly couples being raised up in the church, traditional couples will soon be a minority.

2) Marriage is important to me, because in addition to Godly couples being necessary in a "cloudy" world, I believe they are necessary in the church. The Church, though fundamentally built on Christ, is impacted greatly by the families that are apart of it; at large and at each specific church congregation. I believe that there is a need for young Christian singles to actively pursue Godly and right relationships and have and raise Godly families. I can't tell you how many times our family has been a testimony where my mom or dad have been able to share. Either the blessing they find in their children, or about God being a Father, or countless other ways. There should be more of this going on. There should be more God centered, Christ following, sinner reaching families in the Church today.

3) Marriage is important to me because I desire marriage. I desire the man that God has designed for me- to walk through the rest of this life with. I desire to serve for and with him. I desire to be his helpmeet, and desire to learn how that will look. Marriage is important to me, because one day it is something I hope to partake in.

4) And through marriage, I desire a family. I desire to have and adopt as many beautiful babies as the Father sees fit. I believe that both childbearing/birth and adoption are Biblical- and that not everyone understands both or either of these things. I desire to have a family made up of every colour, and get to share with people that adoption isn't just for kids with no parents- its for everyone- and I know just the Father they need!


What are some general thoughts on the idea of "matchmaking" in the Church?

Overwhelmed

I'm overwhelmed by You, You're sovereign majesty
I'm captured in the passion of a holy King
And I've been reconciled to the son of peace
I belong to You, You belong to me

The lyric has been playing through my mind for more than a week now. I'm overwhelmed by You.

My life felt pretty low in the slumps for a while, where my joy was low and the resentment towards the monotony I felt high. I felt like I had few friends, and those I did have were occupied with jobs or boyfriends or school or a combination of the three.

I felt no joy in my job. My sweet little bubbly, beautiful boy would just smile and grin at me. And as cute as his grins and babbles are, I took little joy in him. I loved on him, of course. But there was no joy. My mom really challenged me and encouraged me to find it and apply it- because it was making me grumpy and moody to everyone and everything.

I began to really seek joy and contentment where I was. And in seeking the will of the Lord, I began to find it. Slowly and surely, I found joy in the little things, and in the hard things. I found things beautiful again, as I also had begun to experience some apathy as well. It was most definitely not an overnight change- but it was an overnight mindset switch. A firm decision to commit the day I was given to the Lord.

All of the sudden I felt blessing after blessing pour out onto my soul. It was is if my heart was being led to the green pastures promised, and I was in knots of excitement, knowing what was ahead; the blessings and provision of the Father. As a friend reminded me just this morning, He withholds NO good thing. It is His desire to bless us. Though we neither deserve it or fully understand it, He does it just the same. In the midst of all of this, I began to actively see His blessings. Most clearly in the form of fellowship and friendship. A lady extended her hand as a mentor, and I am so thankful for that. I met with her and a few other girls, and although I was a bit awkward and maybe a tad distant, I can see myself really plugging into this group the more I get to know them. I was able to have a new friend come for dinner and then visit with her for a while, and I cannot describe the joy I felt for being able to invest into someone again. We were able to talk and chat as if we'd known each other forever.

Can you see at all why I felt beyond overwhelmed? It was too much. My cup was overflowing. And it just kept coming.

On the same night that I met with the lady and girls, the same night my friend was here for dinner, and the same day that I had spent time with the new group I am apart of, it just didn't stop. As I was walking into Panera for Bible Study, I discovered that a lady, very dear to my family was there. I hadn't seen her in at least 5 years, but probably more. As soon as I saw her, my heart just couldn't handle it, and I burst into tears, exploding with joy and thanksgiving.

All I have been thinking since two weeks ago, is, "God, I do not deserve this- but I am so thankful!" I cannot put into words what being overwhelmed by the Father is like- but I assure you, there is nothing like it. I have been able to spend time with my family, in the evenings, or we joined a pool this year and have gone almost every day. It has been such a blessing to take joy in them again. Yesterday, five of the siblings volunteered at a festival, and we just enjoyed being together and riding roller coasters. I have had the time to invest in this new group of people and I feel like I am being established and able to connect and form friendships. But all this by the hand of the Father. I not only did nothing, I deserve nothing. Would  I feel half as overwhelmed right now, had I not chosen to submit to the joy of the Lord? Would I just be delighted with the new of it all, instead of deeply and genuinely thankful for it?

In my Sunday school class, we are working our way through Joshua. Although I came in part way into the book, I have gained so much. Through both the teaching and the discussion. (This deserves a post of its own!) But where we are right now, is the Israelites have just crossed the Jordan on dry ground. But its more than that. When the crossed, it was flood season. So the Jordan wasn't just flowing strong, it was overflowing. When the Lord stopped the waters? He stopped them twenty miles north of where they were crossing. And where the crossed? Directly in front of Jericho. The nation they were going to conquer. And who crossed first? The army. 40,000 men in armor. This was a big deal. Like, huge. So God told Joshua to pick on man from each tribe, to go back to the Jordan, and each pick a stone and bring them back to camp. Why? So they would remember.

Why do I tell you all this? I tell you, because it gives a Biblical reason for my blog. I blog, not just to share, but to remember. And I never want to forget the magnanimity of this moment. Of this feeling of pouring joy from the Lord. Of the blessing of obedience. Once you taste it, you never go back. And I want to forever relish in His joy. Because whether His blessings comes in the form of little or comes in the form of much; comes in His taking away or His giving to me; comes in the form of keeping me here or moving me elsewhere, I don't want to miss it.

I want to remember what His glorious hand looks like in my life. I want to share what His mercies can look like. And I want everyone to know His joy.

Sincerely overwhelmed,
Mal

Not So New

Well hello there blogging world. After my last "real" post, I figured it had been a long enough spell of silence and I could venture forth with an update.

Its been just over a month since I have let you peek into the heart of the girl I described as "devastatingly lonely." And since then, much has changed. Much to the extent of feeling overwhelmed at one point.

Very soon after writing that post, things began to happen in my life and in my heart. Not even a week after that post, we went to a church I like to say is our family's church. My grandparents married there, my parents met and married there, and they stayed there until I was 2. (And being the fourth born, that's quite a while.) I think it's really for that reason that my dad was a little hesitant to visit, but alas, visit we did. And then we did again the next week, and the next, and the next. And so forth and so on. Now about a month and a half later, I feel more established here than I have anywhere in the last two years. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

In the middle of our settling into this church, we had our annual homeschool convention. And although I am now two years graduated, and my sister several more, we still enjoy and look forward to volunteering. In previous years I have worked in the children's program and let me tell you- it takes an insane amount of energy, patience, and joy to keep 25 little ones happy and excited for two solid days. But this year, although I enjoyed the fast paced environment of previous years, I had decided to try something new. I'll spare you the details, but I ended up working in the used curriculum sale. Which honestly, sounds wicked boring. But it was not at all. I worked with people I knew, and met others and enjoyed every second. Reconnecting with some of the folks, and making new friends- it was a really amazing weekend. I even got to keep in contact with a few of them thanks to the modern convenience of facebook! :) Although I'm a "newbie" to the established group of volunteers, everyone was very friendly, and I look forward to continue to get to know them in the coming months, and working with them again next summer!

It was just after this that I began to feel overwhelmed in my soul. I was suddenly being plunged into a group of people who remembered my name, and things about me. People I was talking to and seeing throughout the week were greeting me on Sunday mornings. The very things I had longed and prayed for for a few years now, were coming in droves and all I could identify in my heart was an overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness emotion.

Reflecting on all that has happened these last few weeks as I wrote, brought back the wave of overwhelmed thanks I felt not two weeks ago- and I just can't say enough for how thankful I am.

The church is solid, established, growing, and Gospel driven. I could not have picked a better place if I tried. God led us exactly where He needs us for now.

That's really all I have to say- is just that I feel as though I am finally "home" in a sense. Please just continue praying for our family as we settle in and develop relationships and ministries within this body.

~Mal

The Killjoy that is Defeat

My day started off in the deficit when I woke myself up, terrified, that I not only overslept my alarm, but was thirty minutes late for receiving my baby. Only once I had completely woken myself up and was oriented enough to check the time on my phone (the clock on the other side of the room was still groggy looking) did I discover that I still had an hour of sleeping time. Trying to calm my racing heart, I was jumpy for the next hour, sure that my day was going to start later than it was supposed to. Strike One.

After a number unsuccessful attempts at dieting(mostly pathetic attempts on my own), exercising and loosing weight, I vowed never again. I wasn't going to stay hungry to not loose weight. But here came another one, waving its banner of "eat real food!" and the testimonies of people dropping pounds and inches and if it wasn't for a number of people I know personally having success on this particular program, I probably wouldn't have bought it. Yet on the bandwagon I jumped and hating myself every second for it. Lets be honest, all I want is a doughnut, I've been hungry for a week now, and on the day that everyone else is posting "one week in and down three pounds!" I stepped on the scale and GAINED weight. Everyone else shedding the pounds and #lovingit and I'm over here, dumbfounded as I stare at the screen (we don't have a scale, so we use our Wii fit) +.2lbs. OK so I didn't even gain half a pound- but when everyone else is down three pounds, I would have been happy with one. But I didn't. More on this whole subject later; I haven't given up...I'm still on it. However, gaining the weight when everyone else lost, was my Strike Two.

Fast forward an hour, and my baby is now in his third outfit of the day. Why? My scattered brain wasn't there enough to think "hey the baby wearing cloth diapers needs a change now." Nanny of the year award. Strike Three.

Its not even 10AM and I have already struck out on my day. At this point, cue the "every wrong thought" flood, and I realize, I haven't worked out since Friday. I'm starving. Decrease my calorie intake. If I take one more swig of water I am going to hurl. Why is my baby only sleeping for 20 minutes at a time? Gosh I really want a slice of pizza. Great- my poor little sister did not need the blow of forceful words from me; its not her fault I can't loose weight. Did my license come? Mail comes: no license. (more on this later as well)

I'm still wearing clothes that at any given point have had a number of unidentified liquids on them. My hair looks like I haven't showered in a week. My room looks like Dorothy's house decided to land there instead of the Wicked Witch of the East. My self esteem is hanging out below sea level. And even this blog post has been devastatingly irritating to try to write. (Devastatingly is dramatic. I just really wanted to use the word devastatingly.)

And at the moment I think "THAT'S IT!" The sweetest eight year old is begging for me to snuggle with him. My mom is taking my baby and giving me a hug. And my dad gives me that good-bye-eye grin that makes me smile.

I still want a cupcake. I still feel pretty slummy. I still really dislike Mondays. But this day is no less the Lord's than tomorrow. My family is still loving me through my mood swings. And coffee is still the answer to a lot of questions.

As one of my favorite literary characters once said, "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?" Bring it Tuesday. After today, I can handle anything. Besides, Tuesday is Bible study day. And those are some of the best! :)

Real life nanny diaries

I think I have the best job in the world. And some days, are the best days one could hope for and other days you literally feel like pulling your hair out. I've been learning a lot about joy, and not fretting the small stuff. So here's a post about all that I'm learning. :)

1) Mealtime is usually around eight, noon, and six. But you'll probably end up eating at six, two, and five-thirty.

2) Sometimes love looks like laying on your bedroom floor bopping a bouncy seat, and that's OK.

3) You recognize the total unimportance of trivial things like perfume, necklaces, and wearing your hair down.

4) Some days coffee is your crutch, and other days, its 3pm and you still haven't finished your first cup.

5) At the end of the day, the small stuff doesn't matter too terribly much, but you will feel more guilty if you didn't cuddle your baby just a little longer than if the dishes had to wait till he left.

6) Leggings are pants. Messy buns are acceptable. And some days, chocolate counts as breakfast.

7) Mom will always be a wealth of knowledge.

8) Being a nanny doesn't just mean being good with a kid- its also being good with the parents. Parents are trusting you with their child, they will more than likely want good communication.

9) You do not have to "go" to work to validate your job. My job is plenty real. Don't believe me? Let's trade for a week.

10) It is the not the standard but the goal to get it all done. So if it doesn't happen, don't sweat it. One missed work out or botched nap isn't the end of the world. Try harder, get up earlier, and work more efficiently the next day.  

11) Always find the little things to smile at. Blowouts happen. Your clothes get covered in unidentifiable bodily fluids from baby. And he may just hate his naps- but at the end of the day, its his smiles, giggles and cuddles that make the job less of a job, and the journey more of a joy.

writer's block

I'm stuck again.

My heart is over flowing with thoughts.

Good thoughts like, what a lovely Christmas we had. How many surprises there were. How much family time was available to us. How we discovered a niece on the way! But every time I try to write, nothing comes out the way I think it should.

I have some "honest" thoughts too. And if I thought happy thoughts were hard, being honest is even harder. There's something about the ugliness of vulnerability that I can't make sound eloquent at all. Its choppy and frustrating. I'm trying to find the balance between humility and discretion, and failing miserably. If I share too much, I feel that it may come across wrong or even inappropriate. If I share too little I think I make myself look too good.

And so this tango between happy and humble is where I find myself.

What do you write about when you have so much rolling around in your head? If you're like me, you do this. A writer's block post. Where you let readers know that you're still here. Let them know whats going on in your head without writing posts about it all, and give a glimpse into your heart that says: "I have so much to say that I'm at a loss for words."

And that is where I shall leave you all. I'm distracted by the Tiny House Nation playing in the background of my thoughts and still, not able to put two logical thoughts together. Hoping for a decent blog post soon!

I was wrong(Single life: part 3)

I know I need to learn how to say it more. But here it is. I'm even going to put it in big. Bold. Letters.

I. WAS. WRONG.

There we have it. I said it. It's sitting there staring me in the face even as I type. It's mocking me. Relentlessly telling me, how much I have to learn about humility.

My words, MY OWN WORDS, keep ringing in my head: "Don't tell me it's a gift, cos its not."

In my flustered irritation about the misconceptions and tacky, unhelpful, cliche sayings that surrounding singleness, I failed to note something: the context of the verses I used in that post. Sure, I read the two or three above and below to make sure they weren't taken out of context, but I sure didn't pay attention to what some of those verses had to say. So sitting in Bible study Tuesday night, I got slapped across the face as the verse was read. A verse I now get a know in my stomach about. One that I obviously paid no mind to. A verse that calls "unmarried life" .......a GIFT.

Not a season.

Not a learning time.

Not a time to play, or travel, or work, or go to school.

A gift.

A gift is a treasure, a precious thing, that you guard and protect, and use correctly. Someone has given it to you, because you were the right person for that gift. And you guys, I have dragged it through the mud! I do not like being single. I struggle with it sometimes, and pray that I will not always be single, but you guys....I'm spitting in God's face. He knows that that GIFT is right for me right now. And He allowed it to be called a gift in His Word for a reason.

"I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." (v. 7)

See, he calls both a gift. And I think most would agree that calling marriage a gift is right on. But how many of us truly believe that being unmarried is a gift?

He goes on to explain why it's gift at all, and why he prefers it to marriage: because a married person's attention is divided between God and spouse, but an unmarried person can dedicate their whole beings to the Lord. When you look at it that way, what could be sweeter?

This doesn't negate the design and desire for marriage; marriage is still God's purpose for His people. But I think the "gift" of singleness is the intimacy you can receive with The Father.

"...An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." (vs. 34&35)

7 things you should never say to a single girl

A few weeks ago, I decided to post onto my blog, a peak into my soul. But just barely. Being transparent felt empowering. I felt real, like I was being honest. So I've decided to do it again.

So here I present to you, 7 things you should never say to a single girl, and why not:

1) "Are you interested in a relationship or are you enjoying being single?"
As a general rule, most girls do not want to be single.
 -Why should you not say this?
It's best to avoid saying this, because this could be really hurtful; especially if whoever she is does want a relationship.
-A better thing to say...
If she's mentioned a class, ask what she wants to do with that; if she mentions a job, ask her about that; if you have a trusting relationship with her, you will eventually hear her heart on dating and relationships and how she feels being single. Don't rush that.  

source

2) "You better get on it if you want kids!(or some biological clock joke)" or "Don't worry, you still have time!"
This is a remark that goes one way or the other, and neither are very helpful.
 -Why should you not say this?
If a girl wants to be in a relationship/married and isn't, basically telling her she's running out of time isn't just hurtful, it's heartbreaking. However, on the flip side, saying something like "you still have time" isn't your best idea either. To be honest, maybe it's not a good idea to talk about how much "time" a single lady has. Referring to her age at all, even if she is "young" can be really hurtful to some girls.
-A better thing to say...
Keep it simple. Something just as plain as "God has you where HE wants you" will suffice.

3) I have/know a really great (enter relation to male here)!
Great.
-Why should you not say this?
If she's a girl like me, she isn't going to pursue the relationship. I appreciate you mentioning this guy to me, but if you really think there would be something there, mention me to him. I'm not going to approach a guy like that. However, thank you for thinking of me!
-A better thing to say...
Honestly, some times fewer words are better. Saying something like "God knows His plan for you" I find very encouraging. Sometimes we just need that reminder that He is still in control instead of someone trying to "fix" our situation. 

4) But there's so much you should be doing with your single years!
Fact. There is. However, with all due respect, how do you know I'm not throwing myself into as much ministry and activity as my schedule and finances allow?
-Why should you not say this?
Because it can be a punch to the gut. Contentment is already a struggle. Especially when a girl wants a relationship and doesn't have one, and she is making the best of where she is, telling her there's "more" she could be doing makes us feel inadequate, like we aren't doing enough. We are seeking joy the best way we know how, trying to use our gifts and talents to the Lord.
-A better thing to say...
Encouraging us in what we are doing is actually really great to hear. For example, I teach ESL and I become encouraged to keep on in that whenever someone else either becomes excited for what I'm doing or simple offers some encouragement in that.

5) Have you tried eHarmony/Christian Mingle/online dating?
Nope.nope.nope.nope.nope. No offense, just don't even go here. 
-Why should you not say this?

source

Because- straight up flesh talking here: its none of your business. A lot of single people feel that online dating is a last resort. If we are using an online dating program, we more than likely don't want to share all those details. And if we aren't, telling us we should makes us feel like "well you're obviously not going to meet anyone else."
-A better thing to say...
IF you need to say something here, something like, "God has some mysterious and crazy ways of working!" will do just fine. Anything more can be overkill and hurtful. 

6) You should put yourself out there more!
Some of us are not comfortable "putting ourselves out there" any more than absolutely necessary.
-Why should you not say this?
Because sometimes it is out of conviction that we aren't putting ourselves out there; sometimes its our personality; and sometimes we've just been so burned by the situations we got into when we "put ourselves out there", we aren't really interested in going about it that way again.
-A better thing to say...
This maybe one of those times, where there is no better thing to say.

7) You'll find a great guy some day! 
I hope so.
-Why should you not say this? 
Although this sounds like a good thing to say, and it might be the necessary comfort at that moment, it is a promise you cannot keep. I believe marriage is God's purpose for His people, but not His plan for everyone of us. The hard reality that some of us might not get married is true. False hope only puts off accepting the truth.
-A better thing to say...
"God has great plans for you!" And then leave it at that.  

transparency on singleness

I don't always feel transparent, or like I can just talk about how I feel or the thoughts I have running around in my mind, but today, I do. I feel terribly transparent.

At this moment I'm thinking the idea of using a laptop is far more romantic than actually using one. You know, the cute picture of the beautiful gal with her messy do and sweat pants lounging on a couch with her husband sitting by her feet, reading a book. She's got the lap top on her knees and she's probably writing something far more profound on her blog than I am on mine. But here I am. Sitting upright on my bed, typing. Because laying down hurts my neck after a while, and for those of us who wear glasses, having the lap top on your belly or knees while you lounge, is no option. There is no husband reading his novel aloud to me, just the leftover noise from the TV down the hall wafting towards my room, and the sound of my nails on the keyboard.

I'm also thinking how creepy it is that Netflix learns allll about you.

I have been trying to write about Halloween, but I'm not thinking about Halloween. My thoughts are somewhere else all together.

While wading through my thoughts, I kept coming upon one in particular. Not quite the monster in the closet, but by far not the most pleasant thing to deal with. And the truth is, I come in contact with this almost daily, though some days it looks different than others. Its sort of a "thing" that some people just carry around. Bloggers from every walk of life have written about it. And now it's my turn. Read if you want to. Or don't. Share if you agree. Leave a comment with your feedback. I don't really care.

I'm going to write about it, because all though my identity is in Christ, there are things that are stuck on us. And this is one of those labels that I have had stuck on me, and it haunts. Not just me, but most people with it.

I'm talking about singleness.

Now, at 20 this really isn't something that should bother me a whole lot but it does. So I'm writing about it.

Don't tell me it's a gift, cos its not. Don't tell me to love it, cos I don't. Don't tell me its what God intended, cos it isn't. Don't tell me that I'm "free to do my thing right now" cos that's not what it's about.

I've read and heard of article after article telling me to "embrace it!" to "love it" and to "enjoy it" and yet nowhere in scripture do I see that. Paul talks fairly openly about his views on marriage (1 Corinthians 7 tends to be the "passage to support singleness") But if you note (at lease I find this true in the ESV) he says "the Lord, not I says..." when he is giving commands on marriage. Its obvious that his desire for singleness is not a God-given command. And there are men I know, serving in parts of this world, and able to dedicate their lives to their work, because they do not have the obligation of being a husband too. So I understand completely why this God-inspired passage is a passage in our Bibles, but I do think that the Christian community has abused it to fit the agenda of singleness.

This is my honest attempt to debunk some of the lies of singleness that we have created and believed. We have become calloused to somethings, and its high time for a call back to God's purpose for His people. In an attempt to be sensitive to single people, we have created a safety zone that has become a banner of singleness for Christians. If you want to hear my thoughts, read on! :)

1) Singleness is a plague to some, and a gift to others:
I see how people can kind of fall to either side of this. For some, their life's work does not permit marriage as an option. God has blessed them with the gift of singleness, to serve Himself in a way they can best do single. But to others, it is a thing we so long and desire, and yet do not want to come off as needy, pushy, or even sin in our desire for it.


2) The church as helped singles "cope" with being single by making the single life the superior lifestyle: As aforementioned, singleness has been quite the hot topic of blogs, books and conferences recently. In an effort to comfort those hurting over being single, the whole idea of single-hood has lost its comfort aspect, and become a glorified thing. Its gone so far to that extreme, that now we have people intentionally waiting a long time to get serious in a relationship; Christian men and women waiting for marriage to pursue careers and other interests long before thinking about marriage.

Which leads me to...


3) Careers, not marraige have become the object for which to strive: It used to be the men who did the going, and the women who did the staying(work and home). Some people call it "sweet" others call it "ideal" and still others will call it "old-fashioned"(old fashioned is nice compared to some of what I've heard) but the idea of a woman being a homemaker, and the man being the breadwinner is all but forgotten. It doesn't matter who is bringing home the bacon, as long as someone is, everyone is happy. Now, this is not a post to get nitty-gritty on gender roles, and the family. But the cultural shift of gender roles, has especially affected the young people of this generation. Young people are no longer looking for a soul mate to raise a Godly family with, we are instead being enticed by the next rung of the corporate latter, the higher degree, or the next money making opportunity.

4) Singleness has desensitized us to the commands of God by becoming a glorified lifestyle: People are outright choosing not to get married. It bothers me, because it is throwing off the balance of things. Ever since the Garden, God has had a plan, a patter if you will. It started with the first two beings on earth: One man, one woman, and the commands: work the earth, and be fruitful and multiple. That was how God wanted it. Why else would He later give us commands about being faithful to our spouse, and for children to honour parents, unless of course people were spouses and parents themselves. Marriage is a huge part of God's plan for His people, though true, it is not for everyone. (Just wanted to make it clear that I understand that not everyone HAS to get married.)


5) Singleness does not fulfill the God-given roles of men and women: singleness should be the exception, not the rule: (Although this sounds like a repeat of #4, stick with me, it's not :). God is basically awesome. And scientific studies have shown some irrefutable things. Like, my favorite is the study of the male vs. female body design. Now, understand that this is a general study, and not every fact is true of every man or woman. They are generalizations of each gender. The male body is designed for work and hard labor. They have a longer sustainability (meaning they can physically work longer than women.) This is why jobs like construction and brick masonry are primarily jobs of men. They demand of a man, what a man, and not a woman, was built for. Their bodies are built to be faster runners (and before long range guns, this was helpful when hunting!) (also, like I said, these are generalizations. A particular woman, may be able to run faster than a particular man, but as a general rule.) And a woman. Man. Our bodies are just as incredible. Our minds were built for multitasking. We tease men for not being able to, but it's because we have been designed to! We're able to think about dinner, daily tasks, our baby's sleeping and eating schedule and answer the toddler's relentless questions, all within a few moments time. I'm gonna get real here, our hips were designed to bear and birth children. Yes, God even designed our pelvic bones differently so that our bodies were the perfect environment for baby to grow safely, and then for our hips to expand to give growing baby room, and THEN to dislocate temporarily so we can give birth to baby! How absolutely incredible is that?? When we choose to be single, we are choosing to forfeit the roles God has not only created for us, but created us for.

These are just my thoughts. I'm no scholar. Just a single girl, pondering my currently single state. And praying that it isn't God's plan for me to stay single. I do not feel called to a lifestyle that would benefit from being single. I feel called to become a Godly woman, to marry a Godly man, to with him raise Godly children, and to serve Him wherever the Father leads. But I know that He works in a time table so differently than our own. He is not surprised by the interest decline in marriage. None of this has caught Him off guard. He knows full well the ins and outs of the hearts of every man. He is working for the good in the lives of those who love Him! And that, is a promise!