As my crazy life continues to swirl on around me, I'm finding something more and more true: "mine" just can't be a word Christians use. It simply cannot. "My" room has become "our" room. "My" food is "our" food. It's a "mi casa, su casa" sort of mindset. Recently, in addition to the other things listed, "my" clothes, time, energy, resources, entertainment, money, and even "my" family have become shared things, and PLEASE don't assume from this that I mind, because I promise you, I do not mind in the least. But God has slowly been teaching me that all the things I've grown up claiming as "mine" are in fact, not mine.
I guess He's been bringing me to this place of revelation for several months now. It started back in April when my sister and her husband moved in with us. I had thoughts like "aw yeah..that's what a family is supposed to do." And being thankful that we were in a place to house them. I've watched as my parents have freely given of what they have to their growing household, and withholding no good thing from us as far as they have been able. It has been sweet to see how willing my parents are to just give, give, give.
As the summer went on, not much changed. My parents have continued to make a two-hour drive(one way) to my other sister's house; to visit, for parties, to babysit. Doesn't matter. If there's a need (and often even just a desire.) my parents are there. As the fall began, my paternal grandfather began ailing. My parents were right on it. I've been over there a few times to mow, and then play a round of Scrabble with my grandma. My parents have decided to be active in their lives as we help my grandma take care of my grandpa.
As you know, we were hit again as a dear friend was struck with cancerous brain tumor. I assure you, this is not a fun road to walk. But again, I watched as my family, and the family of Jesus Christ came together, and no one used the word "mine". (Not that anyone would've had a reason to, just be poetic with me.) People were hosting out-of-town family, others were preparing food and bringing it to the hospital, and others were taking care of things to make it available for the needed parties to be at the hospital with J. No one complained, no one questioned it. We all just did what felt natural in the moment of adrenaline to be wherever any of us were needed.
During the midst of all of the above, my sister agreed to homeschool one of my friends. (Pictured in my last post as my "part-time" roommate.) WHICH IS GREAT, don't misunderstand me! It's like we got another sister! She's so much fun to have around. But age and spacing worked it so that she lives in my room. (Yes, I just said live. She jokes about this being her part-time home) Her and I share my double bed, in my relatively large bedroom and I wouldn't trade a moment of it. On more than on occasion we've swapped clothes, make-up or jewelry.
But I sat in my room after she left last week and just looked around. My room was PACKED. Two portable cribs remained assembled from when my nephews last used them, books, papers, CD's/DVD's, pictures, clothes, craft items and etc. littered my room. My desk, TV table, book shelf and dresser were covered in trinkets and stray earrings. Clothes from my partially unpacked suitcase, combined with several rounds of clean laundry sat piled high in one corner and my bed, sat over novels, notebooks/journals, and personal items. The contents of my walk-in closet were spilling over with untouched novels and sweaters waiting to be worn. I don't mean to be so detailed here, so if I'm killin' ya, I apologize. The point I am trying to convey, is that I sat looking at all this..stuff. All of it "mine" and none of it used. (Ok...not NONE of it. I do use a lot, but hardly most of the stuff in my room.) This idea of "none of it's mine" donned on me as I sat there. Why do I need all of this stuff, that I don't use, that isn't even mine? So I set out at the beginning of this week to eliminate all of that junk from my room. Removing a fair amount of nicknacks I don't need or do not use. (Next week my clothes will be shrunk down to size!) I have been learning what it means to give of what I have, so how hard is it to give of what I do not need and yet have in abundance? I assure you...it's not all that challenging at all. Toss, toss, toss! Hopefully now my room will be empty enough to minister from freely without the amount of junk suffocating!
All that to say is...I believe (or have come to) that "mine" and Christ cannot coexist. It's either mine or His, but it cannot be both.
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