Stop Saying Jesus is Enough

Maybe its the fact that I was with 40,000 other believers. Maybe its the fact that I haven't done anything like this since high school. Maybe its the fact that I was with a new group of friends. Maybe it's because my faith was needing to drink deep again.

Maybe it was all of these in tandem.

Whatever the reason, or reasons, I was excited. I felt like little kid excited.

As we were sitting in our seats, I looked around at the thousands of people milling around, trying to find theirs. Thousands and thousands together for one purpose: to worship. I decided to do something I don't recall ever doing, so I sat waiting, and prayed my heart into a place of worship. I assure you, it made all the difference in the world. I wasn't just robotically singing along, I was in a place where I could believe what I was singing. I had never experienced worship quite like it. It was beautiful. So bold and bare before our Lord, I poured my whole heart and soul out, and not just "caught up in the moment" type of pour. A pouring of total surrender. I did this before every session, and the worship maintained a "whole heart" atmosphere for me. If you've never done this...do it! I don't know why I waited so long.

The first session starts and Louie Giglio walks out on stage. This is my all time favorite speaker and this was the third time I've heard him live. Remember that excitement I described? It was so still there. He starts speaking, and all of the sudden I'm the only one in the room. He is talking directly to me. There's no one beside me, in front of me, behind me or around me. I'm the only one. And bit by bit, I feel myself breaking down.

This isn't supposed to happen this soon... I'm not even exhausted yet!

I experienced a rush of emotions as pieces of my past flew into my heart and God said "Let's deal with it."

Louie addressed the "broken girl" and I have never felt more vulnerable than that moment, when I sat weeping, my soul gushing out before the Maker, Savior, and Lord. I didn't even care that no one else in my group didn't seem near as effected as I was, I was with my Father and it did not matter. The weight of sins, mine and others that effected me, sat on my lap as I sat listening to the Father's Word come forth this speaker.

"When Jesus came back from hell, he brought the keys for your salvation and the keys for your freedom"

He went on to say that He brought back the keys to set me free from whatever someone did, or didn't do, from whatever hurt, or anger, or fear, or pain, or jealousy, or rage, or sorrow, or malice I felt. Jesus knew what happened, and HE IS BIGGER THAN ALL OF IT.

I knew so much of this, but I realized, I didn't believe any of it.

But in those moments before my Father, I was liberated into His grace and love and freedom. I felt a literal weight lift from my soul. One I did not realize I was carrying.

Over the course of the next few hours and days I had a whole perspective shift, and I never want to forget it.

I was able to sing, and mean every word as a prayer for my heart. It was then we sang a song that had an impact on my heart.

"Nothing and no one comes close to you. Nothing could ever come close." (Simple Pursuit, Melodie Malone)

I didn't believe this. SO many things "come close" to Him where they aught not.

"If you stayed right where you are, I Am everything."
"If everything changed overnight, I Am everything."
"If you lost your job, I Am everything."
"If you never get married, I Am everything."
"If you do get married, I Am everything."
"If you got sick, I Am everything."
"If you lose everyone you love, I Am everything."
"If I called you away, I Am everything."
"If I kept you here, I Am everything."
"If you don't see another day, I Am everything."
"If you walk this world, I Am everything."

Jesus Christ isn't "just enough" HE IS EVERYTHING.

Saying that "Jesus is enough" suddenly felt like I was settling for less. "Enough" suddenly felt like I was saying "well I wanted more, but this will be fine...it's just enough." JESUS CHRIST IS MORE THAN ENOUGH. HE MORE THAN SATISFIES. HE MORE THAN CARES. HE MORE THAN LOVES. He paid such a price, just because of love, and had every right to hate me because of what He suffered, and He chose to love me anyways, and I have the audacity to say He's just enough?

Nothing and No One comes close to Him!

I walked away from this weekend, believing this with my whole heart. The God that gave me freedom from everything that has bound me, LOVES ME. And He, no matter where I stand in this life, is Everything to me.

He is and will be my Joy.
He is and will be my Love.
He is and will be my Life.

I came home, and real life started back- and I had to firmly stand on the guarantee that He is more than enough, He is everything.

Circumstances were immediately rocky, and Jesus was still everything. Even when life doesn't seem right. So much happened this weekend, and Jesus was still the "everything" that made it last. That made it so important.

"When the angel rolled the stone away, it wasn't so Jesus could get out [He walks through walls, it didn't have to move], the stone was rolled away, so that we could see in. Jesus isn't here, HE IS RISEN. He was the victim of our sin but it wasn't His identity. He has become the Victor! Jesus is alive, HE HAS RISEN."

Dress a Day!

In a world full of equalization of men and women, there seems to be an increasing number of attempts to eliminate the distinct differences between us. And when living in this kind of world, it's nice to embrace the femininity God has blessed me with. And although for me and my lifestyle, skirts and dresses are not always the most practical option, they can be my only option for say, a month? So for the month of May, I am embarking on my second "Dress a Day in May: challenge, and so far it's been remarkably easy. Why? Because leggings.

Leggings have become a staple in my wardrobe the last two years, and into the spring and summer they continue to be so. They are like magical little things designed purely for making my life easier. I work out in them, sleep in them, wear them to do yard work, wear them under skirts/ dresses(either for modesty or for leg coverage when it's cold.*)

But enough about my obsession with the little black wonders and back to the blog post at hand:

I was incredibly excited about DaDiM this year! So much so that I dragged my sisters to two different Goodwills on April 30. And although I only came away with one skirt and one dress, I was ready, ready, ready to start!

As you can tell from at least my first two, gray has become a recent favorite of mine. I don't intentionally look for gray clothing, but I do like wearing it a lot.

The skirt in the bottom picture is one of my Goodwill finds! Its got a thick waist band(my personal favorite!) and it's got so much materiel in the skirt that it just goes out when I spin! Such a fun skirt, and it's not like anything else I own. It's got a lot of yellow(yeah...I own no yellow) and orange with little teal coloured specks in it.

So here we are! Ta-da! The first three days! I'll probably blog through several days at a time, instead of posting each day! :)

Happy Dress a Day to any other participating ladies!

*Three words for ya: Fleece. Lined. Leggings.

15 facts Friday

Why not, ya know?

1. I have four sisters, and our ages spans 17 years. We got the best looks when Little was born! :) 
2. I recently became ESL certified(English as a second language) and have class of Spanish speakers I co-teach with my sister, AH.
3. I still don't have my license(and I turn 20 this year).
4. My favorite hoodie is a hand-me-down from my brother-in-law. 
5. My dad, second born nephew, and myself all share a middle name. (As well as several distant family members.) 
6. In continuation of the last fact, only one other female in the family also has it(as far as I am aware at least). 
7. I am the first of my immediate family to have been 100% home-educated. My older sister went to pre-K and I pride myself on never having received alternate education ;)
8. I have never traveled out of the country, but I hope to go to Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, or El Salvador soon! (These are just the first places on my list :)
9. Both of my grandma's were able to be in the delivery room when I was born, and my dad's mom actually named me!
10. For my birthday, my parents gave me a queen sized bed; however I still sleep to one edge of it as if it were my old twin bed. I'm slowly working my way to the middle!
11. My favorite Disney princess/movies are: Mulan, Beauty and the Beast, and Tangled. For my 16th birthday, my parents got me the special edition of B&B, per my request.
12. Although I love a good romance novel, my most read and enjoyed authors are Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti. (Christian thriller/horror) 
13. I'm not much of an animal person, but I one day hope to own three dogs: A basset hound, a blood hound, and a beagle. 
14. I have visited Philadelphia three times and LOVE it! (Not being punny...)
15. And last and definitely not most important, I am the only Android user in my family. Everyone else either has dumb phones...or Iphones! O.o

A year in Review:

This has been one of those years, where I look back on it, and I have one thought: "I wouldn't trade it, but God, please never give it to me again!"

This year, like any, had its ups and downs. But I feel like these were on the dramatic/big side and thus felt like I've been on a roller coaster for the past 12 months. So hitting the big stuff:

(A snapshot from January)

January: If you recall this post, my year started off kind of rocky. By my own choices I found myself in the slumps by January. People talk about the new year as a "starting over" time, but I had never experienced it quite like this. In addition to starting off a little rocky, it was my final semester of school. I had worried my brain for months about finishing school and finding a job or taking classes and not being sure what was next, so January was bitter sweet. I went on my final youth retreat, and honestly, I don't remember much of it.

February: In February we journeyed to DC for AH's birthday. I enjoy trave

(DC birthday excursion)

ling a lot, so this was my highlight this month! We did a lot of walking around and eating of some amazing food! (Panas was the best for me!)The Little also had a birthday and turned 12, making me feel ancient.

March: Not a whole lot happened in March, except for the only "big" snow, EP's first anniversary and my oldest nephew's fourth birthday.

However, April began the busy season for me, and I feel like maybe that hasn't stopp

(Me and the birthday boy from March)

ed yet! My third nephew made his grand entrance into the world! How much love you can have for such a little person never ceases to amaze me! Also, I got the privilege of traveling to Philadelphia with the student pastor, his wife and one other student who just happens to be a good pal of mine. It was a unique experience to say the least. We kind of went as a "prep" trip for the missions trip that we took in June. We got to meet the pastor we'd be working with and see the church and area ahead of time, as well as tour the area we'd be staying in. The student pastor and his wife are from the area so they took us around to some of their favorite places, and it was fun seeing a local's point of view without a large group to tote around. I enjoyed the quality time with just a few others.

(Graduation with Ginger)

May: This was when things really started getting busy for me! I graduated in May! (Along side one of my dear friends! Which was such a blessing, since neither of us wanted to have the spotlight all to ourselves, and we had talked about this for years, both being homeschooled! :) After graduation, I spent a week back in DC with my sister's family. It was nice to get away from the norm and spend the extra time with her and my nephews! Only a few days later, I went to the beach with some friends. It's been kind of a tradition in my church for the juniors and seniors to get away for a few days towards the end of the school year. So off we went. I was a lobster. On a more solemn note, we lost a nephew to heaven this month. All that love you build up for a person and not meeting them. The suspense of waiting for Heaven to hold the little one is hard. It was not a fun or easy thing to pack on to such a busy time already. Although the season may have been busy, my Angel nephew is not forgotten and little Enoch Barnett, my other nephews and brothers are all waiting for us.

(Philadelphia skyline)

(Quince Princess)

In June I went back to Philadelphia for the missions trip and honestly, I love this city so much! In this month was one of the coolest and most special things I've ever done. Both DC and Philadelphia are special to me, for different reasons. The earlier part of June held a different, cool and amazing experience for me. One of my dear friends celebrated her 15th birthday. Although she was born here, she is El Salvadorean and had a traditional quinceañera. She had a big princess dress and a few of the traditional tokens or ceremonies of a quince. However, since she is a believer, she chose not to do a lot of them; she just chose a few that were special to her, instead of the extensive ceremony. We also have a large homeschool convention that we attend every June and the past several years I've volunteered in the children's program. It's about 22 hours of volunteer service, all said and done. And I love it! This past year especially I got to know a handful of girls that I've kept in fairly good contact with (facebook is good for this, as well as instagram).

(4th of July with the sisters)

By July I was somewhat worn out from a whirlwind two months that proceeded it. I was thankful for what felt like at the time, a dramatic halt in life. We had our one or two fourth of July celebrations and celebrated my nephew's second birthday. Other than that July was slower-paced for the most part.

August was much fuller. I went roller skating for the first time in YEARS! It was an absolute blast! I also sang with the Spanish church for a community event, finished my time with my youth group, went on a weekend conference with AH and spent a weekend at a friend's house with a few other girls. The five of us are pretty good friends, and all homeschooled. We range in ages from 15 to 19 and enjoy being together. My grandfather got really sick, and we stepped up our involvement with them. In pleasant weather, I go over once every other week and mow for them and my cousin cleans indoors.

(sibling picture from the beach, 2013)

The end of August/beginning of September came biting with a brain tumor. A unpleasant experience to the max. God's hand was seen all throughout it, though, and even still we can see how He worked; at the time it was little things, and looking back, bigger things. God has chosen to heal J this side of heaven and for that we are SO thankful! (You can read J's journey here) He is now undergoing radiation treatments and is halfway done! The hope is that the radiation kills off anything that was leftover after his second surgery and he will be officially cancer free. Keep praying for the Father to be glorified! Along with this, my family's yearly vacation had been planned for just days after his first surgery, and since there was a lot invested in the trip and enough people at home to take care of him, we went ahead and went. It was nice to be away for a while. When we got home we jumped in with two feet. Life was crazy, far from normal, and working forward with incredible speeds. The Little started 7th grade, and AH began homeschooling Yenny (who's quince we celebrated). "Madhouse" doesn't even begin to describe life at this point!

(My birthday dessert)

(Yenny, the Little and I "planning" fundraising)

In addition to being here for school, Yenny and I felt very burdened to help raise some funds for J. So when October rolled around we had our first two fundraisers! The first one we had nothing to do with, save Yenny singing. We held a benefit concert and raised far more than any of us had expected. A few short, crazy weeks later we had event #2 and held a dinner. (Too many people trying to plan! :) Oh well, both were blessed events!) In the weeks in between the two, Yenny and I (along with LOADS of help from other adults) spent a lot of time seeking donations from local businesses and even some bigger stores like Kroger) also, my family went apple picking and spent a day in the mountains. This was very nice and felt a bit like the calm before the storm! I also began nannying! Crazy month! But all too quickly, October drew to a close and I celebrated my 19th birthday! My sister made me lomo saltado (a Peruvian dish) and my mom made me these tasty little raspberry chocolate tarts. DELICIOUS.

(Gettysburg with the fam)

November rolled around and it was a bit of "big event let down". All of the sudden everything I had spent my whole month pouring into was over. I got to go to a Chris Tomlin concert with my oldest sister, her husband and their oldest. It was a blast! Later on we traveled to Pennsylvania for a weekend in Gettysburg and I got some bangs to change up my look a littl
e. Towards the end of the month things got a little busy again with Thanksgiving, Black Friday (an actual event in my house), and a surprise birthday party for my oldest sister. This was one of the best/coolest Thanksgivings ever! I loved every second of the weekend!

(FINALLY!)

Although December is a fairly busy season, I didn't go to any Christmas parties or events this year. Even though I always look forward to it, I was thankful for my evenings to be mostly at home. I enjoyed family time in the Bible leading up to the birth of Christ, and making an ornament for different key events along the way. I did, however, get to meet up with a friend that I have been talking to via social media for over two years. She's moved closer to me, and so we've already enjoyed a closer-distance friendship!

That brings me up
to this week. We spent Christmas morning here at home with just us five. We were then joined by EP and MrP. And a little later on for brunch by my mom's family. In the afternoon we had Christmas with Dad's side of the family and then we left Thursday morning to spend the weekend with Meg and her family. It was nice, overall, even if somewhat chaotic.

To look back on the year is both good and odd to me. I started this post, almost with a "WOE is me" attitude, thinking "Oh SO much has happened!" And a lot has, but not nearly as much as I thought had. It feels like a lot, and of course there are things I chose not to make public that will stay in my heart to ponder. However overall, God was with me through all the ups, downs, ins and outs of my year, and for it I now look at the year and can say "Its ok." Am I making any sense??? :)

Merry Christmas from the Sibs at National Harbor!

God has brought me a loooong way since last December, and for that I am most thankful. I'll just briefly say a few things He's taught me:

~To trust Him, and His unfailing will. No matter what circumstances I face.
~We often see our circumstances with a very distorted view of flawed human analysis, seeing things as far worse than they really are.
~God has my parents as my parents for my benefit, and to talk to them is a greater blessing than I had ever imagined possible before this year.
~The Father works ALL things together for the good of those who LOVE Him!

May each of you have a blessed NEW YEAR with all things bright and new!

Blessings to each of you!

~Mal

Best Friend:

Dear best friend,

You are not one person, you are many. And you are all so dear to my heart!

You are married with three beautiful, wonderful boys.

At least for a season, I get to see you every single day. And I love that!

People say I'm walking in your shadow, but I think I'm just following one of the greatest leaders I know.

You're growing up so fast, and I'm loving the little teenager you're becoming!

Best friend, I'm glad you're not one person. That would be so boring. I'm so glad I have such different people I get to love so very, very much!

You live in another state. (But I'm ridiculously proud of you for where you are!)

You are my El Salvadorean mini-me, and my part-time room mate.

You're my partner in crime. Your house is literally my second home..

Best friend, I wouldn't trade you, any of you, for the world. Thank you for being there for me, with me and by me for everything. I love you all and thank God for you frequently!

~Mal

Still in Prayer

He made it through surgery with flying colors, but we're still in prayer for our dear friend. God is writing a marvelous story through him, and we're on our knees, praying that angels carry him through the next few weeks and months.

I got to go and see him before we left for vacation (yeah I am pretty sure the weeks leading up to it this year couldn't have been any crazier for us!) He is super loopy and thus we were super entertained by his comments. He was making us laugh at how and what he was saying, and we were thankful to see his humorous side. However, his serious side was there as well, and that was also a comfort. He began quoting verses (in English and Spanish) as well as muttering in his dialect, and repeating the phrases of Japanese he has learned. It was crazy. Brain surgery, and still sitting here quoting more verses than the rest of us, in FOUR languages! My sister and I were able to see him happy, awake, and conversing. Oh how WONDERFUL our Father truly is!!

In other news, as previously mentioned, WE'RE ON VACATION! It truly couldn't have been a crazier time for us to leave, and certainly wasn't very easy getting here, but alas, here we are; and, all things considered, safe and sound. The whole family was able to make it! All husbands and nephews included, it makes quite a houseful! I love the constant chatter and conversation, while one brother is watching football, one nephew is cooing happily and two others are playing "army guys" and the ice cream maker is hard at work preparing a delicious treat. It's the chaos I draw comfort from. Having my whole family together is perfection for me!

Pictures to come! :)

Please continue to pray for J, and you can get updates from another perspective here. My sister has been such a blessing to everyone there, and been very active and present. Her heart is even more involved than mine, and so her updates are even more personal; (whereas he is a friend of mine, she has been even more involved with this church longer than myself.)

~Mal

Dear Mini-Man,

I have so much to say to you! So many things I want you to know, and to hear. So many memories I can't wait to remind you of when you're older. I'm a very silly Aunt, and so I decided to write you a letter.

Just the other day, I was hanging out with you (because you're so cool nowadays.) and I was watching you, and my first thought was "When did you grow up??" All the sudden you went from a pudgy little guy to a tall, very silly four year old with an extensive vocabulary and even more extensive imagination. You crack jokes, memorize Scripture, and sing your heart out. You love your superheroes, music, and being the center of attention! (It's ok baby, I was the same way :))


It feels just so recently, that you were a little guy with your "airplane" and "Andy boots" on! I don't miss that baby, because I am so enjoying you now, but I do wonder where he went. All the sudden you're a man, trapped in a little body. (Hence your recently received nickname, Mini-Man). You apparently are quite captivating for your Sunday school class, and I admit, I'm quite jealous I don't get to sit under your theology. Our Father thought highly of childlike faith little boy, so keep it. Keep it close and strong.

You have always been a lot of fun.You know how to be totally impractical (only when it fits with your game ;)). You're a super special kind of guy. You help me see every time I'm with you, what's important, and what is passing. You melt my heart when you take my face between your little hands and talk to my face, when you tell me "no we can do that later, just sit with me" or when you tell me how silly I am. I must be doing something right as an aunt :)

Baby, you melt my heart! I just love you, soooo much! I love that you take off running to hug me, (and squeeze my face). I love that you tell me I'm crazy. I'm in love with all your Beetoe-isms. I love your Happy-go-lucky, sweet heart. I love that you are just wonderful! I LOVE YOU Little Mister!

~Tia Crazy

My Warrior

Dear Newest Nephew,

You were born  on Monday afternoon, and you already have me so in love.

I had forgotten how tiny a person could be, until I got to hold you. Even with your two brothers before you, I had forgotten how little a person could do. I didn't remember being able to hold a whole person in the crook of my arm. Yet there you were, real as I was, in my arm.

You made me believe in a bigger love, all over again. I love so many people a whole, whole lot; but the love didn't run out, it grew. There's plenty of love for you in my heart, little mister!

 You've already proved to be a fighter. My little hero. As your mommy got ready to bring you into the world, you weren't moving around much, and I began to pray for you; a lot. When you were born, they found a knot in the cord that was bringing you oxygen and nutrients. That same cord that was keeping you alive, was also around your neck. GOD was with you and your mommy, baby. You are a healthy baby boy!

I got to hold you again today. Your tiny face wrinkled like a little man having a deep thought. Your nose crinkled like you smelled something stinky, and your little eyes peeked open at me.You sleepily settled into my arm and continued your blissful, innocent slumber.

Innocent. You are the picture of innocent right now. You know nothing. You have everything in front of you to learn. You have two amazing parents, and two big brothers, four loving grandparents, and loads and loads of adoring aunties and uncles to help teach you. There's so much we can't wait to show you!

You have a good life in front of you, my little Warrior. Continue to stay strong. And always remember my love, that it's by God's hand we win wars. <3

~Love,
"Yonnie"

Day 7-Favorite movies(But I'm doing Books!)

Ok, here's the backstory. I love movies, I truly do. But, the thing is, I don't have a favorite. And I like so many different kinds of movies. 

So I decided I would do a different favorite media: BOOKS! I love reading and thought I would write about my favorite book, because I have one of those :)

This is called The Princess by Lori Wick. And it is my FAVORITE book ever! I generally enjoy romance books of the midwest, 1800's. Other than that, I really like some Amish books. But this is a contemporary romantic fiction. I can't really say why I love it so much, but I really do. 

So this is my favorite book :)

~M