Measure up.

Glancing in the mirror the other day, I smiled lightly to myself. I didn't look half bad that day.

But.

I have struggled with self image for as long as I can remember. I recall being as young as 8 or 9, and laying in bed, on my back, and trying to see how thick I was from my back to my belly, and my mom coming in and asking me what I was doing. I remember having friends over after church and having to scour my clothing for something small enough for them to wear. This one time one of my older sister's friends came over and she had to borrow something of mine. At 10+ years between us, I remember feeling embarrassed because someone so much older than me was wearing my clothes (I was like 10 at the time, so older clearly meant bigger in my mind.) To this day, among my friends group, I'm the largest, one of the shortest, and probably one of the palest.

Any time I begin to think, "Hey I'm not so wide!" I see on of my very tiny friends and realize "...oh but I am."

I look in the mirror of my poorly lit bathroom and see my skin and think "I'm not that pale!" And then I stand next to Yenny. (I guess being Salvadorean gives her the benefit? :))

I have different thoughts like, "My acne isn't so bad. Or my 'girl-stache" isn't so noticeable. Or I'm not that short. Or my hair is kind of long!"  And yet, somehow, something happens to make me realize, I always fall short. I do not measure up in someway. Every. Single. Time. There is always someone who has whatever I have, better.

But I'm holding myself to an impossible standard. One of culturally defined beauty that no one woman has reached it on her own. Any woman who has reached an unnatural ideal has done it...unnaturally. Either by cosmetic surgery and chemicals or by photoshop and airbrushing. Or worse, both. So girls(myself among them) see these unrealistic pictures of "beauty" and strive within our means to reach them and obviously, don't. And when we finally feel good about something, we find someone who has it better and then it's back to level zero again.

But there's another unreachable standard. And one that not just girls fail with. One that every single person fails with. And that most every person strives for.

So what is this totally impossible standard?

Perfection.

Beautiful, unmarred, sacred, glorious perfection.

But good news!

We have a means to reach this one.

You see, as we are all unlovely, we cannot be with the God, who IS love.

BUT! Because He is Love, He made a way for us! He tells us this: "...God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

My pastor said this gem on Sunday. Consider it. "God, sent is Son, to come and live the live you were created to live, and then to die for the one you chose to live instead."

It is OUR fault, but God loves us too much to let that be the end. So He goes on to tell us: "Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him!"

When we accept the sacrifice of His life, God looks at us and sees His son! The wrath He would have poured out on our unmeasured up selves was instead poured out on his son, and because of that, we, though not on our own strength, finally measure up! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is far more worth our time than any humanly concocted idea of perfection. 

Because out of that love for His sacrifice, we obey His Words. Not to gain His approval, but to show our love for all He has done for us. And sometimes, that's not glamorous or fabulous. But to Him, it is beautiful. He tells us in His word that it is "Music to His ears." 

I don't know about you, but that, that is worth never measuring up here.