25 at 25

wow. i remember the days i couldn't go a week without jotting out my random jumbled thoughts on here. it's been nine years since this blog appeared. nine? hooooow on earth. am i really old enough to have done anything for nine years?

yeah.

i am.

and as hard as 24 was for me (for whatever really dumb reason), 25 seems to be carrying a basket full of opportunity, silver lining, and new dreams- it feels like the page is turning. i felt 24 like a pang of time stabbed through my gut. but i am anticipating 25 like dawn after a long night.

the past few months (ok maybe year if we're honest) have been pretty rough and full of so much transition and change. as year 25 comes to a close, i thought it would be fun to sort of look back at the past year, since i would say its a year of the most obvious growth for me.

1. in october my job decided to close the location i was helping to run, and i transfered to the original location, which was about 40 minutes from my house. it was a rough transition because i wasn't used to a commute, and frankly my hours and pay kind of sucked. but i loved my boss and loved the work.  so i stayed.more on this in april...
2. november was very special for me- a cousin whom i'm quite close to was living locally for a few months and we got to spend a lot of time together. this may seem trivial, but it set a foundation for a friendship years in the making-our partents are first cousins and grew up super close, and now he and i are basically best friends. he lives on the other side of the world now, but we talk at least once a week. 
3. christmas is always my favorite season (yes, season.) and it starts october 1 for me. but this. past year was bittersweet as it was the first without our mamaw. i've always boasted to myself that i have survived loss very well, but her passing away showed me...i do not. i have missed her to the point of an aching heart many many times over the last almost two years. 
4. i also got a record player and got to visit the jefferson hotel for the first time(with two of my bests no less) again, these will seem insignificant, but they mattered to me. 
5. in january i became an aunt for the 8th time. our little nug came early and earned herself a nicu stay for about a week. i spent a good amount of time running to and from the hospital and my job trying to balance it all. when she finally came home, she belonged. she is the sweetest little feisty boo i know. she was also given the name of our late grandmother, so she's a very very special little lady. 
6. february spiraled me into the darkest season of this past year and i lost someone very dear to me. she was a mentor of sorts, spiritual parent of sorts- a walk-through-your-crap with you, support you, love you, chastise you, encourage you, fight for you kind of woman. i owe her a great deal, and she suddenly passed away in february. i told myself i was fine- again because i think loss doesn't affect me. and for a while i was able to act like it, but eventually it caught up to me.
7. march came at me with the weight of the stress i was feeling and i decided to take charge on my health. i was officially diagnosed with pcos and began my journy to find the healthiest lifystyle with syndrome that i could. i was put on medication for the first time ever and began to make health changes to be as healthy as i could.
8. later in march i made the incredibly difficult decision to leave my job. it killed me, but it was time. i gave them my notice and finished the month with them.
9. april one i started my first big girl job- an office administrative assistant. and i. hated. it. until i didn't. i have fallen in love with my work, my coworkers, and my position. i had initially had plans to start school and leave- but have since put those plans on hold. i want to grow here. 
10. later in april my pop got his knee replaced. this isn't a personal growth thing, but this was a personal prayer thing. i have begged him to look into it for so long- nothing makes your heart ache like seeing your daddy in pain. and he finally did the first one! this was a highlight of the month for me.
11. may was a big month for me. my little sister graduated high school! again, not a personal thing persay, but watching your baby sister complete childhood is insanely humbling. 
12. at the end of the month i bought my first car (my dad had been letting me use one of his since my job wasn't sustainable wages at the time) i was very excited to finally have a car in my name!
13. june was full from start to finish. we said good-bye to my pawpaw and my family once again entered a season of grief. happy grief, he could finally exsist in strength and cognative health again- but sad because he was so old, and so wise. i love that man.
14. i decided to enter the online dating scene where the first guy i dated for a breif time didn't have arms. that was a growing time for me, and a learning experience i wouldn't trade for anything. we decided after a few weeks to go our sperate ways, but i still learned a lot during that time, mostly about myself.
15. at the end of the month i went with my church to take the youth to camp. it was a bittersweet trip for many reasons. the only two seniors we had happened to be two of the students i was closest to, and camp is one of the last events they participate in before they move out of youth group. it was also bittersweet because the woman we lost in february was a vital part of our youth team. being there without her felt like we were vulnerable- and in many ways we were. it was a very good week and lots of growing happened- not just for the kids, but the leaders as well. 
16. when i got home from camp i took a giant leap of faith and did something insane- i moved out of my parents house. although i'm the first of my sisters to do this, i'm proud of myself. it hasn't been easy, and again, i have learned so much about myself, but i wouldn't do it differently if i had the choice. 
17. later in july i chose to make my mental health a priority and sought help and attention for the anxiety i had been experiencing for several years. it had started getting out of hand, and i was feeling physical symptoms. i'm mentioning this, because we have to continue to fight the stigma against mental health. it was a big deal for me- i didn't like the stigma and the lables and the medication- but my mind has been much healthier the last few months.
18. at the end of july, i took a little trip to the er for the first time ever. wow that was fun. my poor kidneys. i'm ok! but it was quite the recovery- one i'm not sure i ever quite finished.
19. in aughust i got my 10th piercing! again- yes! notable! (lobe, double lobe, double cartilage, nose, conch, tragus, and daith) 
20. i also did an arbonne 30 dyas to clean living challange, and lost 15 more pounds! (will talk about weight loss later- this was huge for me!) 
21. i was given a new responsibilty at work- comradry coordinator? haha not sure what to call it- but it's the most fun part of my job. i get paid to come up with ways for the company to bond. it started out with silly quotes and evolved to ridiculous pictures and jokes taped all over the place, notes in thier job folders, riddles with prizes- right now we're in the middle of a company wide game of clue. we'll see how this goes! i also redid our bathroom and that was a fun project to take on- most of the boys appreciate! lol
22. i did a weigh in and since february have lost almost 55lbs! (lets be honest...if fluxuates more than we want it to.) i was insanely proud of this though
23. we went to the beach for our 9th consecutive year as a family in september! it was a perfect week. and i slept a good bit of it...
24. in fact i slept so much that i decided to get checked for mono when i got home and sure enough. i had mono and round two of kidney stuff. yeah- i'm exghausted all the time. no lie.
25. as 25 draws to a close, i realize how much i have learned. you. need. a village. your people, around you, supporting you, loving you...i firmly believe that Jesus gave us souls to indwell so He could love us through each other.