Not where I thought I'd be

I recently had a birthday. I'll be honest, my 20's are so far not all I thought they would be. I don't mean to sound depressing, but I am going to be totally honest.

We dream big as kids. We're gonna see the world and then we're gonna change it. We're gonna be known and do something amazing. Everyone has the same basic idea, it just looks a little different for each dreamer. I know my dreams certainly didn't include still living in the same town, still single, and still driving your dad's car. And yet here I am, doing and being all of those things.

I keep coming back to a quote, though, that says "Maybe the plans God has for me are better than the plans I had for myself." I believe I once blogged about how this sounds like a paraphrase of Jeremiah 29:11. And it's true, His plans are very obviously much better than the plans I have. It is however, sometimes very disheartening when it feels like nothing quite pans out. It has left me more often than not, with a sense of "ok so what am I supposed to be doing?" I feel like I've beat down every door I have within reach, or even thinkable reach.

My mother has been one of the biggest sources of encouragement, telling me to constantly pursue The Father, and chase His Word. The problem is I just don't know how specifically that is supposed to look in my life. What am I supposed to be doing? Complacency has always bothered me to no end, but anytime I have tried to do something radical, it hasn't been the kind of crazy I was supposed to be doing.

Look, I'm sure all of this sounds majorly depressing and like I hate my life, I DON'T!! It just is not where I thought, dreamed and imagined I would be. This life has been a journey, as I am sure it will continue to be! And I am so thankful for those the Father has chosen to walk through it with me!

I want to serve Him well. So pray, dear sisters, that I would hear and be sensitive to His leading, all the days of my life. That complacency never become normal, and that my heart would remain always tender and laid out before Him. This very well may be where I am supposed to be for a very long time, and if that is the case, I ask for joy, contentment, and energy to engage with those around me, and the ability to see where I need to plug in. Because whether for a long time or a short time, this is where I am. And I want to be here well.

Xo,
M