Questions in the Waiting

We're all wanting something. I think I can pretty comfortably make that broad statement and be fairly accurate. Maybe you're wanting a package to arrive or your dinner to finish cooking or a day out. Maybe it's a bit bigger and you're wanting a new job or for your loved one to be ok or for your broken relationship to be mended. 

It doesn't matter how big or small, how immediate or how long it is, we're all wanting something. And once you get it or get an answer or whatever, your want will change and you will want something else. Again, something I'm fairly confidant in.

 

We as humans are always wanting. I'm confident of this, because we have records going back to the beginning of time, back to our deepest roots in the garden. Adam and Eve didn't need to want for anything. They had everything; they literally didn't need anything else. Life would never be more perfect than it was there in the pre-fall garden. And still, our ancestors wanted, although the context of their want versus the context of ours may be different.

 

So whether your want, like there's, is fueled by jealousy whispering into your curiosity, or if its a long standing gut ache put there by the Father Himself, you more than likely are experiencing want right now.

 

But there's something that often comes with your want: a period of waiting.

 

When you want something, you more than likely don't get it at the exact moment you decide you want it. You have to wait. Maybe an hour, maybe a day, maybe a year. Maybe a few years. But I guarantee you, if you want anything, you will wait for some amount of time.

 

Sometimes this waiting is good. It causes me to question if what I want is really necessary, or if it's a desire from God or if its just a silly, selfish, purposeless want. 

 

But I hate waiting. Almost nothing makes me more stressed out than waiting.

 

The questions I can ask tend cause me to become anxious- even if its a yes!!! I find myself asking "is this finally it?" and then I get hung up on how it will actually happen- the biggest picture of me doubting His omnipotence I can think of.

 

"Am I finally getting a new job?"

 

"Am I finally going to be in a relationship?" 

 

"Am I finally going to go on this trip?"

 

"Am I finally going to get the new car?" 

 

It honestly causes me to become worrisome. Which, I know, is pretty pathetic. But it does. I feel like I could almost handle the waiting if I didn't ask so many questions. (Which probably isn't true if I'm honest with myself.)

 

I feel like I'm there right now. On the brink of so much ~new~ in my life. About to start a new job, working for my parents (a full blogpost on this soon...ish.) and wondering if this is it. Is this the job I've been praying for for so many years, or if the Father is still leading me to other things, and this just is just an in between time. And if that's the case, how do I know what to be pursuing?

 

See?? I'm ridiculous with the questions. I have got to learn to just be totally where He has me at any given moment. I've always loved Jim Elliot's quote "Wherever you are, be all there." But I have always struggled to be all there because my want and my waiting cause me to worry about what's next. I rarely know how to be all here. But I digress...

 

I've felt so full of unanswered questions as of late. Constantly trying to seek the Father, and asking Him to make the next steps clear. Truthfully, the job is just one of many things, and I so desperately want to do what He wants from me- and to be sensitive to His leading. Sometimes I find that hard when I'm not sure what it is He wants. More than one option sometimes seem right sometimes, and the questions just keep rolling.

 

Pray for me sisters, as I try to hear His voice- and that when I do, I obey. And please, pray for me while I wait.