The edge of all things known

It's a chasm; deep, black, ominous, intimidating. Striking a gut-knotting fear.

It's on the edge of that chasm that I now stand.

I don't want to start school again. Not because I dislike school; I, in fact, quite enjoy it. I like knowing what I can and cannot do; having something to fill my morning, and a status to give people. Even if that status is simply "student". I like learning, and reading, and writing, and being in the safety and comfort of my home. I like that right now, all my friends are doing the same thing: being students.

No, I do not want to start because don't like school.

I don't want to start because, this is the beginning of the end. Monday morning, I don't just get to see the chasm, I'm walking towards it. By May I'll be teetering on the edge of it. And by autumn, I'll be free falling into it.

I don't want to start school on Monday morning because...it's like the ending to the first book in a great series. You know there's more to come, but there's the sadness of leaving what you've come to know. You've fallen in love with the character. Seen her life unfold. You've seen her joy and her trials. You've seen her leap, and seen her fail. You laughed when she laughed, cried when she cried. Got angry when she was stupid. And wanted to slap her when she was ignorant. This is the story you've come to love. And as I stated, you know there is more to come, you're just not sure you're going to love the next book as much. It's hard to "like" the next part of her journey. She changes, characters leave, and the story has to change a little. The thing with produced books is, someone knows what's next.

I don't.

I stand on the edge of the chasm called "future past high school". I know I am not going to college. But that's about the only thing I'm sure of.

I'm not really jealous of all my friends going off to school, but I'm jealous that they seem so sure of their futures. The graduate high school, and they know, they'll spend the next four to eight years in school; postponing what I now face. A jumbled life, of endless options, and God has it all planned out. It's me who doesn't know what's going on.

Yes. I feel I shall become all too well acquainted with this chasm. Staring at it for the next few months. Dancing with it through the summer. And the ultimate end of falling into it this fall. Hm. Appropriate. :)

I am so excited about what God has in store. I just can't wait till I know what it is. I'm kind of tired of getting the question "so what are you doing next year?" and my only answer is:

 *O.O*

 No. Literally. I just stand there with bug eyes, raise my shoulders and cock my head to one side.

I've taken to saying, "when God tells me, I'll let you know."

And when He does, I'll do just that :)

~M