no plan, not no future.

July 30 is the start of senior year.

YIKES.

I remember thinking I would never get here. Yet, here I am.

Everyone asks me what I'm "planning to do with my life" as if I haven't lived any of it yet. Or like it didn't matter till now. And that's one of the most annoying and irritating questions to be asked. If you remember this post, I vented quite a bit about trying to explain why I wasn't just moving out for college this year. People understand that, sort of, but what I'm questioned on even more is why I'm not going to college.

Look, I'm not trying to sound judgmental to people who have asked me this, it just gets really frustrating.

I've sought God on this; I'm not just randomly deciding to not get a college education. I've prayed about it.

A lot of times I get "Well. What if you don't get married? You're gonna have to do something for yourself then."

Look, again, I'm not trying to be rude, but stop looking down your nose at me, please. I'm not sub-human because I'm not going to college. If I'm not married in a few years or still just kinda doin the norm, I'll continue doing what I've been doing, and what I will continue doing to that point and just commit it to prayer and seeking guidance from my parents. There are community colleges and online courses; I can take to get what I need should I change my mind. But honestly, don't count on it. I believe in what the Father has told me and confirmed to me. And it does not include college.

But right now...the only thing I know for certain, is that I have no plan. And that takes a ton of trust. A ton. Next year this time, I have no idea what I'll be gearing up for. I wish I knew. Its scary not knowing.

But I feel like such a failure when I tell people that I don't know.

I already get funny looks from people when I say I don't want to drive (yea. not going there right now). When I say I don't know what I'm doing after graduation, I get the open mouth, knit eyebrow, squenched up nose expression and pressing questions for what my problem is. Granted they don't usually say it that way, the question "Well what ARE you gonna do?!" Gets the point across pretty well.

Look, I don't know what I'm gonna do. But God does. I invite you to join me on this journey to finding out just what that is. But as a student, and not the only one with this problem, it's a good idea to phrase those kinds of questions differently.

I don't know what I'll be doing in a year, but I'm excited to find out, watch Him be faithful, and feel how He uses me for His purpose!

~Madalee