In Jesus Name

 

You may have noticed that I am pretty bad at keeping up with my blog. Honestly, I wish you could live a day in my shoes. I am working three jobs, which includes four kids and some personal assistant/office type work, keeping up a social life, continuing to invest in my church and my family, and really trying so desperately hard to be a real adult...it catches up with me every single day. Usually around 10am. I feel like my life is a constant seesaw between thinking I did alright, and discovering the reality that I didn't do that good of a job. Oh, your family had dinner? How nice. They have no clean clothes for tomorrow, and you were supposed to send that email three days ago. Its a two step forward, three steps back process for me.

 

I feel like I'm the awkward 13 year old all over again. I feel like I just don't know where I fit. I'm 21, not in school, I'm working my butt off, not in a relationship...I'm really not doing any of the things that everyone else my age is doing. I don't know my place in this world. I'm telling you, it feels like middle school part 2. I am trying so hard to come into adulthood, and do so with grace. I'm doing taxes, ordering checks, managing my time and days so I give enough to everything that my time is dedicated to, and most days, if not every day, I am failing.

 

Some days, in fact the majority of them, it feels like my life has spiraled out of my control. And the faster I try to get a hold on it, the more overwhelming it becomes, and the more it slips out of my hands. Its terrifying. Its embarrassing. It makes me look immature, careless, and incapable.

 

But God.

 

The only constant in my life has been Jesus.

 

In my last post, I briefly mentioned that before worshipping, I have been praying my heart into a place of worship. Since coming home, the Father has continued to expand on what I learned to do while there. And while I've been obsessively listening to the album from Passion, (which I highly recommend), my favorite song has played over and over and over in my head. The chorus of Salvation's Tide is as follows:

 

||Let the walls come down in Jesus name/Let the lost be found in Jesus name/Open eyes to see in Jesus name/Let the city sing in Jesus name||

 

The phrase "in Jesus name" is something I grew up hearing plugged onto the end of prayers. And then it hit me. When our hearts are right, songs can be a form of prayer. I think we formalize prayer so much. I keep a prayer journal, and trust me, when my heart needs to be gushed out to the Father, it is perfect for that. But prayer doesn't have to be so limited to pen, paper, and whispers.

 

When my heart is in a place of true worship, singing the phrase "Let ___ in Jesus name" is a prayer.

 

My life has felt beyond my reach for three or more years, but when my heart is right, I can be in constant communication with the One who wrote every detail of my life. When I allow myself to really consider what I am singing, and truly believe it, I am sitting in the presence of a Holy and Perfect God. A Holy, Perfect God, who chose to love me.

 

Just to be clear, I'm not being "name it, claim it." By relishing in His presence, I am choosing a joyful and peaceful place from which to live. My circumstances don't change because I chose God over chaos.

 

My life, is still 100% beyond my power to control. I still feel like I fall short, come up empty, and don't have it all together. I still feel like my life can be a joke to some people. I still feel like I haven't gotten where I am supposed to be. I still feel like 90% of what I want to do with my life is unattainable. But I chose Jesus a long time ago, and now that I am facing a life full of bills, taxes, payments, jobs, and relationships, I still choose Jesus.

Let us love, live, and serve, In Jesus Name.

Spells of Silence

To my readers:

A favorite question I get from readers I know in person, "Why do you even have a blog?"

Oh well for one thing I just never got around to deleting it.

But in all honesty, I love writing. I just don't always have the kind of time or thoughts I would like to dedicate to it. So I keep it around until I have that post that just gushes out. (Kind of like last night's post.)

I want my writing to be more meaningful that it was when I started writing at 16. I work very hard to have pieces that are full of things that really matter, and not just things I think. But because I try to put so much into my pieces, they are often months between.

So please, ignore my spells of silence, and keep with me! I'm honoured to have you along for the ride!

The Totality of His Promises

If you're anything like me, you thrive on positivity. Negativity has a huge "weigh-down" effect on your heart, and has at times put me in quite the down mood. Ok fine its made me downright grumpy.

I think it is for this reason, that I personally love and look for the promises of God. For so long I heard people talk about the "Promises of God" as though they were a new Max Lucado book. It has taken me until recent years to recognize that they are not an organized page in the Psalms, but rather little nuggets of hope and truth sprinkled all through His Word. And as this revelation dawned on me, soon I began hearing more and more of said promises.

Sweet little Scripture based one-liners became part of the language I was speaking as I paid more and more attention to them as other people said them.

Just here recently, I was reminded of a very cherished promise: "The Lord withholds no good thing."

Now before I go on, I want to be careful here, because I think often times in the name of "Truth" Christians end up tearing each other to shreds over petty little pet peeves. I don't want to do this. I just want to share what I have learned, and also to allow others to be aware of something that I was not.

So far as I have seen, every promise He gives requires something of us.

Now please don't misunderstand me on this. I am not suggesting, insinuating, encouraging or preaching a works based faith. In fact, just the opposite. What I see required of us, has very little to do with what we are able to do.

Take for example Psalm 63:8. Picked apart, the promise we dish out is "His right hand upholds me." Where this is true, its not the whole verse. The first part of it says "My soul clings to You."

My soul clings.

My hands to not hold, my mind does not set, and my words to not matter. My soul clings.

We are required to CLING to Him.

In just one chapter earlier in Psalm 32:8, we see "God is our refuge." But before the promise of God as refuge, we see both the statement "Trust in Him at all times" and "Pour your hearts out to Him."

We are required to TRUST IN HIM, and CONFIDE IN HIM.

Well what about in other parts of the Bible, not just Psalms? (Though the Psalms do contain an enormous amount of promises.)

Take Proverbs 23:17&18 for example. When encouraging with a promise, most might just state the gist of verse 18 which says "There is a future hope for you and your hope will not be cut off." but verse 17 provides us first with a warning that I feel is key: "Do not let your heart envy sinners. But always be zealous for the fear of the Lord."

We are required to NOT ENVY and to BE ZELOUS.

In Matthew 11:28 we are promised rest, but we are told first to come to Him (all ye who are heavy laden.)

We are required to COME TO THE FATHER.

These are just some of the ones I came across in my search, but there are countless others. And I dare say each promise notes something about us needing to cling to Him, or seek Him, or pour our hearts out to Him.

So often I think we complain about "God not coming through on His promises" yet we are not living like His children. Obedience is so full of joy. And when we shift our eyes away from the life we live so often, and reorient ourselves on the lifestyle He has commanded of us, we soon realize His promises where there always- we were choosing to live in a way where, we could not experience them.

Choose joy. Choose to live in His promises!

(Source)

Changes ahead...

I mentioned some time ago a desire to redesign my blog. Although I am far from "tech savvy" I have begun designing a few things. Stay tuned....

Comparing Apples to...Androids?

I was the diehard, hardcore, sold out, 100%, never looking in the Apple direction, Android spokesperson fan girl.

See where I'm coming from here? I was never, NEVER, I repeat NEVER going to have an Apple anything. (except for my dearly loved iPod. But that hardly counts, right?)

I hated the dominance Apple had, and the seeming partnership with Google and the understated agenda of: lets get all up in yo business.

Ok so maybe I had a slightly dramatic view. But somewhat justifiable, no? Apple was weird.

Everything Apple "talked" to anything Apple and I hated that. Like hate. With passion. I have a laptop for laptop purposes, and a cell phone for cell phone purposes. Why on EARTH would I need them to be merged in every little detail of everything? When mom's phone rings, so does her computer AND dad's iPad. Its absurd. And I didn't want that. I guess I like my life more compartmentalized than that.

And then it happened. In the midst of my stewing and fuming against Apple, my Android failed me. And then it failed again. And again. And again. And again. And thus I found myself loyal to a failing phone system. Repeat for emphasis: loyal to a FAILING phone system.

As in, tied to the mast of a sinking ship.

Chained to a pillar in a burning building.

LOYAL TO A FAILING PHONE SYSTEM!

Ok so my drama pendulum has the tendency to swing...well dramatically. But here I sat with the dilemma: what I have doesn't work, and what works is what I hate.

What to do? What to do? The answer was obvious to everyone, including me, and I did not want to admit it. So I started saying things like "maybe when we upgrade this fall, I'll give Apple a shot for a few years." And yet, deep down I knew, I would be making the switch almost totally willingly.

It was during this transition that I was home alone and my mother was trying to reach me. In this moment, my phone and I reached our breaking point. My mom was trying desperately to get in contact with me, and my phone threw one of its weird tantrums and I didn't even receive a "missed phone call" notification.

Basically we lived together for the next few days and then I upgraded. Kicked the Galaxy to the curb and got my hands on an.....iPhone5. (Shocker. As if anyone didn't see this one coming.)

I will take my slice of humble pie large with a side of vanilla ice cream please. Because I have loved it. Its been fine. I don't even miss my Android. Is that awful of me? DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES?! And I learned, that all those irritating connections that Apple makes with itself are kind of optional! (Except for the cloud...still figuring this one out!) Yay!

Anyways. I am no officially a Macintosh user and guess what? I can FACETIME!!!

Signed,
~the Apple Newbie

Dress a Day!

In a world full of equalization of men and women, there seems to be an increasing number of attempts to eliminate the distinct differences between us. And when living in this kind of world, it's nice to embrace the femininity God has blessed me with. And although for me and my lifestyle, skirts and dresses are not always the most practical option, they can be my only option for say, a month? So for the month of May, I am embarking on my second "Dress a Day in May: challenge, and so far it's been remarkably easy. Why? Because leggings.

Leggings have become a staple in my wardrobe the last two years, and into the spring and summer they continue to be so. They are like magical little things designed purely for making my life easier. I work out in them, sleep in them, wear them to do yard work, wear them under skirts/ dresses(either for modesty or for leg coverage when it's cold.*)

But enough about my obsession with the little black wonders and back to the blog post at hand:

I was incredibly excited about DaDiM this year! So much so that I dragged my sisters to two different Goodwills on April 30. And although I only came away with one skirt and one dress, I was ready, ready, ready to start!

As you can tell from at least my first two, gray has become a recent favorite of mine. I don't intentionally look for gray clothing, but I do like wearing it a lot.

The skirt in the bottom picture is one of my Goodwill finds! Its got a thick waist band(my personal favorite!) and it's got so much materiel in the skirt that it just goes out when I spin! Such a fun skirt, and it's not like anything else I own. It's got a lot of yellow(yeah...I own no yellow) and orange with little teal coloured specks in it.

So here we are! Ta-da! The first three days! I'll probably blog through several days at a time, instead of posting each day! :)

Happy Dress a Day to any other participating ladies!

*Three words for ya: Fleece. Lined. Leggings.

An Open Letter to the Church

Dear Church,

First and foremost, when I write the Church, I am essentially writing myself as well. So anything I say can and should apply to me as well.

This said, let me be as honest and transparent as I can be.

My heart aches at the state in which we currently find ourselves. This is a general assessment, because in the last two years, the Lord has led me through a number of different churches. A Baptist church, a Spanish church(also Baptist), a community church, a Calvary chapel, a traditional Baptist church, and most recently a nondenominational congregation.

Although some of these were one week visits, I still see it; in some more than others. But I see it nonetheless.

For some context, let me share where I'm coming from by way of a few verses:

"...let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." (Hebrews 10:24&25)

"So those who received his word were baptized, and there were added that day about three thousand souls. And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers." (Acts 2:21&22)

Do you see it?

Fellowship. Encouragement. Sharing meals(breaking of bread). Meeting together.

(source)

Oh church, where is this?

Where is the deep connection to one another in Christ? And why has it been passed up for a quick "I'll pray for you" and busy schedule. What on earth are we doing that is so much more important?

We allow things we say are "necessary" to rule our lives, and then we want to jump into some kind of neighborhood ministry with practical strangers.

How can you expect to minister to nonbelievers with people you don't know? I find this illogical. We're abandoning Christian fellowship for empty relationships in the name of "ministering to them". If we are ministering alone, we already aren't following a Biblical model, nor are we following the example set by Christ himself.

Why have we stopped ministering to each other? Think about this with me, as a Christian, individuals need to know that the community of believers is still around them.

This has not been the case for me in recent years.

I'm not saying that I've been abandoned by the church, as some feel they have been, but I am saying, I see no evident community.

No investment in one another. No joy in doing life together. No real relationship.

Church, why is this the case? Why are we no longer being the network of believers designed by Christ? Why is our answer to "how are you?" always "I'm good!" And why, when someone does decide to be honest, and share "I'm struggling" are we so irritated? Because we're so busy we don't want to deal with someone else's problems.

Church! This isn't Biblical! We're called to listen and minister when someone is struggling! That's what it means to "bear one another's burdens" (and so fulfill the law of Christ Galatians 6:2). But we've built up such a shell of busy, busy, busy, that we are scared to share. We overthink, "what will people think if I was really honest?" This ought not be. But it is. Why? Why have we let ourselves come to this place?

Church, if we are not encouraging one another, building one another up, teaching and training one another, I dare say even admonishing one another, how do we think we can be Christ to others unless we are Christ to each other? This is the family. If it's not right in here, it can't be right out there.

Church, seek the Lord in all we do- and we will be doing His will. And when we do His will- we bring glory to His name.

Signed,
A member of the Church

writer's block

I'm stuck again.

My heart is over flowing with thoughts.

Good thoughts like, what a lovely Christmas we had. How many surprises there were. How much family time was available to us. How we discovered a niece on the way! But every time I try to write, nothing comes out the way I think it should.

I have some "honest" thoughts too. And if I thought happy thoughts were hard, being honest is even harder. There's something about the ugliness of vulnerability that I can't make sound eloquent at all. Its choppy and frustrating. I'm trying to find the balance between humility and discretion, and failing miserably. If I share too much, I feel that it may come across wrong or even inappropriate. If I share too little I think I make myself look too good.

And so this tango between happy and humble is where I find myself.

What do you write about when you have so much rolling around in your head? If you're like me, you do this. A writer's block post. Where you let readers know that you're still here. Let them know whats going on in your head without writing posts about it all, and give a glimpse into your heart that says: "I have so much to say that I'm at a loss for words."

And that is where I shall leave you all. I'm distracted by the Tiny House Nation playing in the background of my thoughts and still, not able to put two logical thoughts together. Hoping for a decent blog post soon!

O Come Emmanuel

**Disclaimer**
Theologians have debated for years upon years about little nit picky things that really don't define or shape my faith. I'm vaguely referencing the nittygritty subject of "what time of year was Jesus actually born?"

I really don't care. This is where tradition comes into play, and we celebrate and honor His birth in December.


THAT SAID, when I write this, I'm not talking about, "we should celebrate whenever the professionals say is more accurate!" Because lets be honest. That's going to keep changing. It was September, now its June. Oh and specific dates! My goodness. We're not even going there.

But I am talking about something maybe kind of cheesy with a hint of truth to it. So, bear with me. I'm talking about Christmas spirit.

That warm fuzzy feeling that overtakes people, (mostly emotional saps like me who keep Hallmark on nonstop the entire season and play Christmas music October 1) and makes (most people) set aside their differences to allow for some kindness and generosity. Its the same warmth that brings bell ringers with their red buckets out every December, and the same thing that prods our hearts to keep dropping leftover Kroger change into them. 

But it's more than that. And I think people know that. Whether or not people ever acknowledge that and accept it, is not for me to say, but its there just the same. Drawing people through the doors of the church every December 24.

That's quite obviously the Christmas spirit I'm talking about.

My question is this: why does Christmas spirit stop January 1? As if unanimously, we've made our new year's resolution to be "be grumpy till Valentines day. And on that day, mourn the single people." Like what is that junk?

(source)

Be logical! If in theory, Christ was born December 25, on our valentine's day, Mary would have had an infant! He's not old news! Or better yet he was growing up, so when did He visit the temple? Why isn't that some kind of recognized day. It should be. Ok maybe that is a tad on the extreme side. But I do feel like we just stop celebrating Him all too soon. Once all the nativity scenes are packed up its out of sight out of mind for most of us. Do you ever just imagine Him growing up? Doesn't that keep Him and his Spirit in your heart just a little longer through the year?

Which brings me to my bigger question: Why do we isolate the name "Emmanuel" to Christmas time?  It makes such a nice ring to all those old Christmas carols, but it means God with us! Isn't He still with us, even when the sound of carols ringing out have long since past? When the mundane begins, and work and school start, and dreary January drags on, isn't He still with us?

Isn't Christ, Christ in all His names, still true to His name Emmanuel all through the year? If we believed that, I mean really believed that, what would it change? What would change in how you responded to your relentlessly questioning child if you believed God was with you? What would change in the way you drive if you believed God was with you? What would change in the way you clean your house, or interact with co-workers, or communicated with people at the grocery store? Would our lives change at all if we really truly believed, that, God with us, Christ Emmanuel, is with us, all through the year?

Please, Mr. President

Dear Mr. President,

You're a pretty busy man. And this I understand. But see, I've written you before and well, that was a while ago, and it just doesn't seem like much has changed since then.

Sir, picture this with me: think of your wife and two girls, and you in prison in another country. How would your kids feel if they had to go on living their lives if you were unavoidably detained elsewhere? Think of how your wife would feel, having to basically raise them by herself. Don't think of the torture you may have sustained, the malnourishment, the total cut off from communication to your family, the fact that you can't even pick up the phone to hear your wife's voice, or watch a cute video on your phone of your daughter's birthday party. Don't think about the fact that maybe all the people in your prison pick out you to hate. Don't imagine the insanity you would begin to feel in the dark solitude. Don't think of the months and months that have stretched into years that have driven a gap between you and your loved ones. Don't think of abyss that you face every time your conscious. Just think of your wife, and your babies, without you.

Mr. President, doesn't that break your heart? Doesn't it devastate you to imagine your little girls celebrating another year of their life...without you? Or to picture your wife celebrating your wedding anniversary across the table from an empty chair?

Now Mr. President, think of your country. If your country had any power at all, to bring you back to the arms of your family, wouldn't you hope, and pray, and maybe expect that to be happening? Now imagine that your country could do something, and didn't.

Mr. President! Search your heart! Doesn't this disturb your soul?

I ask for one last thing. Think of the man sitting in a prison on the other side of the world. The man who has suffered all this and more. Think of your fellow man, another human being, loved by God, suffering unthinkable things, and do for him what you would want him to do for you. Do everything in your power to bring this American citizen home to his family. And until that time comes, what are you doing for his young bride who is living the life of a widow, leader her family by herself? I beg of you, what would you want done? Are you doing it?

Mr. President, its time to bring Saeed home.

Signed,
An American citizen

Exciting Announcements!

Well this has most definitely been a season of change in my life. Gladly, its been mostly good changes including a new house and job.

My new "job" is getting to nanny this sweetie pie! He's about two months old and absolutely precious! I call him my little Bear, not because he's grouchy, he isn't! He's just like a cuddly little teddy bear! I'm starting out part time, since his mom hasn't gone back to work yet, but once she does I will be his full time nanny. He's been such a pleasure to get to know, and because of him, I have now mastered the art of cloth diapers!

In other news, I am going to be an auntie again!!! In May 2015, Baby Pepino will join us! This was very exciting news to hear, and we are all looking forward to meeting this little one! Girl or boy, we are always so excited to hear of another one coming! :) Read all about my sister's life with her three boys and being pregnant with #4 here.

And lastly but defiantly not most important is my birthday next week. On Sunday, mom has lovingly planned a family get together! We have been on a 30 day detox, (which my other sister has been faithfully blogging through) and in short, you can have meat, fruits and veggies. And that's about it. So we've all been wanting lots of what we can't have, and the main thing has been pizza! So on Sunday, we are having pizza! Cheesy, breaded pizza!

Then on Wednesday, we're headed to my sister's house for her doctor's appointment. Its kind of been our tradition to go and watch the boys so she can go. But this one will be an ultrasound so I'm excited!  That night we're going to Peruvian for my birthday dinner with just mom and dad and the sisters here at home.

Then on Saturday after, I've got some of my friends coming over. Not a big deal, just four friends to come hang out and celebrate with me.

Well that's it for announcements! :)

7 things you should never say to a single girl

A few weeks ago, I decided to post onto my blog, a peak into my soul. But just barely. Being transparent felt empowering. I felt real, like I was being honest. So I've decided to do it again.

So here I present to you, 7 things you should never say to a single girl, and why not:

1) "Are you interested in a relationship or are you enjoying being single?"
As a general rule, most girls do not want to be single.
 -Why should you not say this?
It's best to avoid saying this, because this could be really hurtful; especially if whoever she is does want a relationship.
-A better thing to say...
If she's mentioned a class, ask what she wants to do with that; if she mentions a job, ask her about that; if you have a trusting relationship with her, you will eventually hear her heart on dating and relationships and how she feels being single. Don't rush that.  

source

2) "You better get on it if you want kids!(or some biological clock joke)" or "Don't worry, you still have time!"
This is a remark that goes one way or the other, and neither are very helpful.
 -Why should you not say this?
If a girl wants to be in a relationship/married and isn't, basically telling her she's running out of time isn't just hurtful, it's heartbreaking. However, on the flip side, saying something like "you still have time" isn't your best idea either. To be honest, maybe it's not a good idea to talk about how much "time" a single lady has. Referring to her age at all, even if she is "young" can be really hurtful to some girls.
-A better thing to say...
Keep it simple. Something just as plain as "God has you where HE wants you" will suffice.

3) I have/know a really great (enter relation to male here)!
Great.
-Why should you not say this?
If she's a girl like me, she isn't going to pursue the relationship. I appreciate you mentioning this guy to me, but if you really think there would be something there, mention me to him. I'm not going to approach a guy like that. However, thank you for thinking of me!
-A better thing to say...
Honestly, some times fewer words are better. Saying something like "God knows His plan for you" I find very encouraging. Sometimes we just need that reminder that He is still in control instead of someone trying to "fix" our situation. 

4) But there's so much you should be doing with your single years!
Fact. There is. However, with all due respect, how do you know I'm not throwing myself into as much ministry and activity as my schedule and finances allow?
-Why should you not say this?
Because it can be a punch to the gut. Contentment is already a struggle. Especially when a girl wants a relationship and doesn't have one, and she is making the best of where she is, telling her there's "more" she could be doing makes us feel inadequate, like we aren't doing enough. We are seeking joy the best way we know how, trying to use our gifts and talents to the Lord.
-A better thing to say...
Encouraging us in what we are doing is actually really great to hear. For example, I teach ESL and I become encouraged to keep on in that whenever someone else either becomes excited for what I'm doing or simple offers some encouragement in that.

5) Have you tried eHarmony/Christian Mingle/online dating?
Nope.nope.nope.nope.nope. No offense, just don't even go here. 
-Why should you not say this?

source

Because- straight up flesh talking here: its none of your business. A lot of single people feel that online dating is a last resort. If we are using an online dating program, we more than likely don't want to share all those details. And if we aren't, telling us we should makes us feel like "well you're obviously not going to meet anyone else."
-A better thing to say...
IF you need to say something here, something like, "God has some mysterious and crazy ways of working!" will do just fine. Anything more can be overkill and hurtful. 

6) You should put yourself out there more!
Some of us are not comfortable "putting ourselves out there" any more than absolutely necessary.
-Why should you not say this?
Because sometimes it is out of conviction that we aren't putting ourselves out there; sometimes its our personality; and sometimes we've just been so burned by the situations we got into when we "put ourselves out there", we aren't really interested in going about it that way again.
-A better thing to say...
This maybe one of those times, where there is no better thing to say.

7) You'll find a great guy some day! 
I hope so.
-Why should you not say this? 
Although this sounds like a good thing to say, and it might be the necessary comfort at that moment, it is a promise you cannot keep. I believe marriage is God's purpose for His people, but not His plan for everyone of us. The hard reality that some of us might not get married is true. False hope only puts off accepting the truth.
-A better thing to say...
"God has great plans for you!" And then leave it at that.  

Do I really love?

Its a simple question. But it takes a lot of thought to answer.

Do I really love?

The only way to answer this question is to first define love. For me the very definition of love is Christ. But how does that really look? And to answer that, I hit 1 Corinthians. (Thanks to my sister for the inspiration of this.)

I've read the Bible for as long as I can remember. But my sister suggested questioning myself through the passage.


Try it with me.

"Love is patient and kind; Am I always patient? What about kind? 

love does not envy or boast; Do I envy when they succeed, or boast when I do?
it is not arrogant  or rude. Am I rude and arrogant to them?
It does not insist on its own way; Do I want my way only?
it is not irritable or resentful; Am I irritable and resentful to them?
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Do I rejoice with their truth, or smirk at their wrongs?
Love bears all things, Do I joyfully deal with their "things"?
believes all things, Do I believe them when they tell me things?
hopes all things, Do I hope for their better?
endures all things." Do I give up on them, or do I keep on loving?
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

How did you do? To be honest, I didn't like my answers. At first I thought, "Aha! Here's one I don't mind answering: love does not delight in wrongdoings" And then I put some thought to it. Maybe rejoicing in wrongdoings, is the same as revealing them. Maybe it doesn't matter how someone treated me, or did something. Maybe I should just keep it to myself. Venting doesn't always have to include names and details. 

I am learning so much. But love might just be the biggest thing. Love...love isn't a feeling. Its an action, based on faith. And in time, that "feeling" will come. Love is not always returned, not always convenient, and not always easy. But without love, the world would be the most hopeless thing. Ever. Love saved us. Love died for us. How much do we love? I know I don't love that much. 

Here's to learning ever more as we live, learn, and grow! 



 
 "So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

transparency on singleness

I don't always feel transparent, or like I can just talk about how I feel or the thoughts I have running around in my mind, but today, I do. I feel terribly transparent.

At this moment I'm thinking the idea of using a laptop is far more romantic than actually using one. You know, the cute picture of the beautiful gal with her messy do and sweat pants lounging on a couch with her husband sitting by her feet, reading a book. She's got the lap top on her knees and she's probably writing something far more profound on her blog than I am on mine. But here I am. Sitting upright on my bed, typing. Because laying down hurts my neck after a while, and for those of us who wear glasses, having the lap top on your belly or knees while you lounge, is no option. There is no husband reading his novel aloud to me, just the leftover noise from the TV down the hall wafting towards my room, and the sound of my nails on the keyboard.

I'm also thinking how creepy it is that Netflix learns allll about you.

I have been trying to write about Halloween, but I'm not thinking about Halloween. My thoughts are somewhere else all together.

While wading through my thoughts, I kept coming upon one in particular. Not quite the monster in the closet, but by far not the most pleasant thing to deal with. And the truth is, I come in contact with this almost daily, though some days it looks different than others. Its sort of a "thing" that some people just carry around. Bloggers from every walk of life have written about it. And now it's my turn. Read if you want to. Or don't. Share if you agree. Leave a comment with your feedback. I don't really care.

I'm going to write about it, because all though my identity is in Christ, there are things that are stuck on us. And this is one of those labels that I have had stuck on me, and it haunts. Not just me, but most people with it.

I'm talking about singleness.

Now, at 20 this really isn't something that should bother me a whole lot but it does. So I'm writing about it.

Don't tell me it's a gift, cos its not. Don't tell me to love it, cos I don't. Don't tell me its what God intended, cos it isn't. Don't tell me that I'm "free to do my thing right now" cos that's not what it's about.

I've read and heard of article after article telling me to "embrace it!" to "love it" and to "enjoy it" and yet nowhere in scripture do I see that. Paul talks fairly openly about his views on marriage (1 Corinthians 7 tends to be the "passage to support singleness") But if you note (at lease I find this true in the ESV) he says "the Lord, not I says..." when he is giving commands on marriage. Its obvious that his desire for singleness is not a God-given command. And there are men I know, serving in parts of this world, and able to dedicate their lives to their work, because they do not have the obligation of being a husband too. So I understand completely why this God-inspired passage is a passage in our Bibles, but I do think that the Christian community has abused it to fit the agenda of singleness.

This is my honest attempt to debunk some of the lies of singleness that we have created and believed. We have become calloused to somethings, and its high time for a call back to God's purpose for His people. In an attempt to be sensitive to single people, we have created a safety zone that has become a banner of singleness for Christians. If you want to hear my thoughts, read on! :)

1) Singleness is a plague to some, and a gift to others:
I see how people can kind of fall to either side of this. For some, their life's work does not permit marriage as an option. God has blessed them with the gift of singleness, to serve Himself in a way they can best do single. But to others, it is a thing we so long and desire, and yet do not want to come off as needy, pushy, or even sin in our desire for it.


2) The church as helped singles "cope" with being single by making the single life the superior lifestyle: As aforementioned, singleness has been quite the hot topic of blogs, books and conferences recently. In an effort to comfort those hurting over being single, the whole idea of single-hood has lost its comfort aspect, and become a glorified thing. Its gone so far to that extreme, that now we have people intentionally waiting a long time to get serious in a relationship; Christian men and women waiting for marriage to pursue careers and other interests long before thinking about marriage.

Which leads me to...


3) Careers, not marraige have become the object for which to strive: It used to be the men who did the going, and the women who did the staying(work and home). Some people call it "sweet" others call it "ideal" and still others will call it "old-fashioned"(old fashioned is nice compared to some of what I've heard) but the idea of a woman being a homemaker, and the man being the breadwinner is all but forgotten. It doesn't matter who is bringing home the bacon, as long as someone is, everyone is happy. Now, this is not a post to get nitty-gritty on gender roles, and the family. But the cultural shift of gender roles, has especially affected the young people of this generation. Young people are no longer looking for a soul mate to raise a Godly family with, we are instead being enticed by the next rung of the corporate latter, the higher degree, or the next money making opportunity.

4) Singleness has desensitized us to the commands of God by becoming a glorified lifestyle: People are outright choosing not to get married. It bothers me, because it is throwing off the balance of things. Ever since the Garden, God has had a plan, a patter if you will. It started with the first two beings on earth: One man, one woman, and the commands: work the earth, and be fruitful and multiple. That was how God wanted it. Why else would He later give us commands about being faithful to our spouse, and for children to honour parents, unless of course people were spouses and parents themselves. Marriage is a huge part of God's plan for His people, though true, it is not for everyone. (Just wanted to make it clear that I understand that not everyone HAS to get married.)


5) Singleness does not fulfill the God-given roles of men and women: singleness should be the exception, not the rule: (Although this sounds like a repeat of #4, stick with me, it's not :). God is basically awesome. And scientific studies have shown some irrefutable things. Like, my favorite is the study of the male vs. female body design. Now, understand that this is a general study, and not every fact is true of every man or woman. They are generalizations of each gender. The male body is designed for work and hard labor. They have a longer sustainability (meaning they can physically work longer than women.) This is why jobs like construction and brick masonry are primarily jobs of men. They demand of a man, what a man, and not a woman, was built for. Their bodies are built to be faster runners (and before long range guns, this was helpful when hunting!) (also, like I said, these are generalizations. A particular woman, may be able to run faster than a particular man, but as a general rule.) And a woman. Man. Our bodies are just as incredible. Our minds were built for multitasking. We tease men for not being able to, but it's because we have been designed to! We're able to think about dinner, daily tasks, our baby's sleeping and eating schedule and answer the toddler's relentless questions, all within a few moments time. I'm gonna get real here, our hips were designed to bear and birth children. Yes, God even designed our pelvic bones differently so that our bodies were the perfect environment for baby to grow safely, and then for our hips to expand to give growing baby room, and THEN to dislocate temporarily so we can give birth to baby! How absolutely incredible is that?? When we choose to be single, we are choosing to forfeit the roles God has not only created for us, but created us for.

These are just my thoughts. I'm no scholar. Just a single girl, pondering my currently single state. And praying that it isn't God's plan for me to stay single. I do not feel called to a lifestyle that would benefit from being single. I feel called to become a Godly woman, to marry a Godly man, to with him raise Godly children, and to serve Him wherever the Father leads. But I know that He works in a time table so differently than our own. He is not surprised by the interest decline in marriage. None of this has caught Him off guard. He knows full well the ins and outs of the hearts of every man. He is working for the good in the lives of those who love Him! And that, is a promise!

Juuuuuuuust a little update....:)

Well for starters I'm sorry that its been almost two months without so much as a "hey I'm still here!" I always wonder who reads my blog, but my stats show that enough people do that, I should probably keep it up a little better! :)

Fast track update: The biggest thing is that we moved! We are all settled in our new place. Love the neighborhood and the location. Its so convenient to everything. My cousin also recently moved and she's just a few miles down the road now. I love it!

Second is that the job I got will start next month. I got to meet the baby today! It made me really excited about starting! He's so precious, only about five weeks old. His parents are really laid back, which is awesome. I always tell people that nannying is 50% your relationship to the child, and 50% with the parents. They seem like they'll be good to work with! :)

We got back Sunday from our week long annual beach trip. It rained some, but I don't think there was a day where we weren't at least in the pool and hot tub. We got to go the the aquarium but spent most of our time at the house, which was nice after such a whirlwind summer!

I am currently caring for AH's charge, since she is south for a few weeks. (more on this later) Its been nice to have a reason to get up early, and have something to do during the days. He keeps me good company! :) We enjoyed a walk through the neighborhood together, have worked on maps, and make a chain so we know how many more days until she is home! Its such a blessing that he is comfortable enough with me that she can trust me to care for him. He's so sweet! He got to meet the baby today too, and has talked about him a little bit. Not sure how he feels about it, since he's been the only little one for so long!

If you recall, last fall I started a series on my blog that I called "Jesus & Jeans" and it was my way of approaching things that, well that can sometimes be called "controversial". Not that I want to start problems, but I want my voice to be heard about things that I am passionate about.

So this week I am hoping to work on and post a "part two" to my Halloween series. If you missed those, you can read the original post here and the follow up here. Stick with me if you're interested in reading more of what I've been learning! :)

Coming soon....

I am pleased to announce that in the next few days and weeks, we will be starting a family blog! It is underway now and will be published soon! :)

Have we confused good and evil?

I am apart of a social network for homeschoolers, and I posted this on the forums. I didn't want to write a whole long post on these, but I did want to make a comment and I liked how this turned out so I'm just going to post here what I already wrote.

Our nation is quite obviously in a decline of moral character, no doubt. And in a rebuttal to one of the articles I'm going to talk about, this verse from Isaiah was tacked onto it, and guys, it hit me right between the eyes:

"Woe to those who call evil good
    and good evil,
who put darkness for light
    and light for darkness,
who put bitter for sweet
    and sweet for bitter!"
Isaiah 5:20

The rebuttal was a response to the now viral video of a girl who filmed her face during her abortion and then posted it to the web. She wanted to promote a "positive experience" and give abortion a lighter view. I refused to watch the video, but did see a number of articles come out about it, and it made me sick.

The second was one that surfaced this last week or so, where a six year old came out as transgendered. I'm sorry, transgendered? You're six! Six year old's don't know what they want to play with or eat much less if they are the "wrong" gender! I don't care if they're old souls or mature, they simply cannot "know" this. (And also, God didn't get anyone's gender wrong.) These parents are now being applauded for supporting their child's choice.

I'm just wondering if we have our morals backwards here people. When did these blasphemous things become acceptable? How did the wool get pulled over eyes? What should we as believers be doing to stand up against these times when what is evil is being called good? 

Dress a Day

I don't know how to link up with other blogs, but my sister does; and I have learned about a number of link ups that are out there. One of which that sparked my interest was the "Dress-a-Day". For those of you who may be unfamiliar with it, it is a challenge to wear a dress(or skirt) every day in the month of May. This is not something that I typically do. I wear a number of different outfits, and I enjoy skirts and dresses, but find them difficult to work in, so often I default to wearing jeans or shorts, and I'll be honest: I don't feel as feminine when I do. I'll be doing this challenge, if for nothing else, to prove to myself that I can wear work-functioning skirts and dresses in the day-to-day, and to enjoy feeling beautiful and feminine for a whole month! :)

So, JOIN ME if you would like for "Dress a Day in May!"

feeling insane

There's a whole lot I have wanted to say, and I quite simply have not had the time to say, well any of it. I had an Easter post stirring in my head, as well as a number of others and I just haven't had the time to sit down and type it up.

I will sincerely hope to post this week, but don't count on it cos, WE'RE MOVING.

Ok so, we're not moving this week, but we are getting the house ready to go on the market. Which means like, all day projects; neck deep in closets, and attics and other many dark and crowded places.

Good thing: We are getting rid of SO MUCH old and useless junk! I know the foundation of this house is very happy to lose a few pounds.

Bad thing: It takes a very. Very. VERY long time to go through each of these dark places. Like. So long. So it's been maybe two weeks of hot and heavy work. And we have yet to do the big attic. Kind of not looking forward to that.

I pretty much hate the whole idea of an attic anyways. Like, "oh here's an idea. Let's make a (common) room in homes, where there is a giant HOLE in the middle of the floor, and anytime people have to use said room, they have to maneuver heavy items without falling into it!" Hm. Let me guess...it started as a practical joke and then became a trend. Like every other horrible idea...

So anyways. Still have the attic and several other projects like ripping up twenty year old carpet and patching up damaged walls. Didn't realize how much you beat up a house till you have to fix it...goodness.

Anyways that's just a glimpse into my life. But its to bed with me cos my allergies decided to absolutely HATE me this year. And I feel pretty horrid right now. My vaporizer is already going (Vics has been a must the past two nights) and my night meds are starting to draw my eyelids down. Lovely.

Happy Easter, and as I learned today, Feliz Pascua! :)

~Mal

(more) facts for Friday

Did this a few weeks ago and just thought, "why not?"

1. Little pet-peeves: people not putting toilet paper on the roll, but just starting a new one, and leaving it on the counter; people putting dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is dirt/empty; when my roommate steals the covers; having to figure out the tip at a restaurant. Its not that I don't want to tip...I don't know how. And Pandora/Spotify commercials.
2. My favorite book of the Bible is Philippians.
3. I have one wall in my bedroom entirely dedicated to important things. "Things" being notes, sketches, pictures, shells/key chains/etc., and other odds and ends of importance. One whole wall is (almost) completely covered in thumb tacks with the different pieces. Eventually I hope to have it absolutely covered. (well this post was started before the move! ;)
4. Although I am not an outdoors gal at all, I absolutely love camping. 
5. I hate watching movies alone; I would much rather do it with someone else than by myself.
6. I tend to be emotional/sappy/dramatic by nature, and I guess this is why I enjoy the "Quotes" board on Pinterest, second of course to the humor board. 
7. Four of my parent's five daughters are into photography, and good at it. I, am not one of them. 
8. I consider myself a fairly low-maintenance girl. One of my favorite quick lunches is a Clif bar and Naked fruit drink. 
9. While on the subject of food, I am a foodie. I love food. Not in a gluttonous way, but if I have the opportunity to try something new, I will try it. I may not like it, but I'll try it first. I love and eat a varying amount of cuisine, including but not limited to: Thai, Ethiopian, Peruvian, Indian, and Vietnamese(not my favorite!).
10. I collect name books! I have about 13(+/-), no repeats. My sisters keep suggesting I start a "naming agency" haha we'll see..
11. I am apart of an all girls, acapella(mostly) chorus group. This is my last semester :(
12. I love make up. I watched make up tutorials on YouTube and love experimenting with different and new techniques.  
13. I said that I didn't want to go into childcare, but the opportunity was placed in my lap and now I wouldn't trade my job for anything. I had an interview with a second family on Friday, and I think it went well! I'm super excited to see where God takes this!
14. I have been southern Baptist my entire life, and as of January, we began attending a nondenominational congregation. I heard a joke that "Basically nondenom churches are just Baptists with a cool website!" (See this post for more details on what God has been doing in this area of my life!)
15. Where most girls are stereotyped as "NEVER ENOUGH SHOES!" I quite dislike shoes.When I have to wear them, of course I want them to go nicely with my outfit, and match both style and coulour, but if I can, I will most definitely take them off at first opportunity.